Admin. I'd like to apply for RealityHacks job as a moderator

[SupremeSpod]

Dear MarillionFan,

Thank you for your application for the role of "moderator" on the CUK forum.

The answer is "No"!

Kind Regards

Mike Hunt
Head of Forum Satisfaction
Contractor UK

Ftfy.

Spod - In "Plain English Spoken Here" mode!

[eek]

surely it was

Dear MarillionFan,

Thank you for your application for the role of "moderator" on the CUK forum.



No

Kind Regards

Mike Hunt
Head of Forum Satisfaction
Contractor UK

[TestMangler]

It's because I'm a lovely fella and you're a total coount.

Every body loves me, every body !!! So, Billy Big Boots, you get down here and love me this minute or I'm going to have to kick your lardy ass

[SimonMac]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to administrator again.

FTFY!

[MarillionFan]

Dear MarillionFan,

Thank you for your application for the role of "moderator" on the CUK forum.

While we were both excited and appalled at the number of applicants we had for this position we must say that your application did stand out above the others. The fact that you did all the writing yourself in crayon says a lot about your character. The fact that you stated you wanted to "p0wn" sasguru and DimPrawn meant that we simply had to ask you in to interview.

Despite the rumours on the forum that you were fat, lazy and arrogant we felt that there may be a little spark of gold in your character that could help our organisation. It might just be part of the wrapper off a Caramac but we really did feel it may be there.

We were intrigued by your ideas to brighten up the forum. By renaming it to "MFUK" I am sure we would do well in attracting new site users but it wasn't really the direction we wanted to take the business in.

We were also intrigued by your story about being a Doctor in the T.A. and flying home from Rome in your tornado with a bowl of spaghetti in your lap. These are skills that may show you to be too well qualified for our organisation.

We were impressed with your enthusiasm and excitement at interview, but holding on to your "thing" and shouting "ME ME ME ME ME" when asked why you think you would be the best candidate for the role was maybe not the most appropriate answer.

We also felt you would be aware that most of the other forum members consider you to be annoying and grotesque but quite clearly this appears to be no barrier to you. This could be looked at as a good trait, or a serious flaw in your character. We will debate this over a pint in the pub tomorrow evening.

As you know, CUK is a dynamic and all-inclusive site. Our site users want ServiceNow and we are here to provide it to them. Your comments that "If RealityHack can **** off for four months then you won't mind how often I chip in" were not well received by our managing director.

Following long deliberation I regret to inform you that your application for the role of moderator has not been successful on this occasion. We do thank you for the plastic sledges your brought us as a "gift, not a bribe". We look forward to the winter coming around again so we may be able to get some use out of them.

Kind Regards

Mike Hunt
Head of Forum Satisfaction
Contractor UK

Dear Mike

Thank you for your detailed reply. I am a little surprised as obviously I was much more experienced than the other candidates. I feel I must provide some feedback on the interview process, as having interviewed and been successful before in applying for these types of roles before (Mumsnet, SasGuru bulletin board and the BNP) I was surprised at how you run your operation.

Firstly I did not realise that you run ContractorUK from your bedroom at your mum's house. She introduced herself as the Receptionist & I must point out she was a lovely lady, a little over friendly and I did have to say to her I wasn't into that kind of thing or have any spare change on more than one occassion.

Secondly, the waiting room. I'm all for being asked to wait in the lounge, but your collection of Stuffed squirrels in sexual poses that went from floor to ceiling in glass cabinets was a little disturbing. Also when your 'secretary' came down to collect me for the interview & ask me to wait in your bedroom I knew that was you. A bottle blonde wig, Scottish accent & holding an A4 piece of paper with the ContractorUK logo is not a great disguise for a man.

In relation to the comments from your managing director, I am willing to take these on board. I felt I got off to his bad side when I sat on the bottom mattress of the bunk bed you shared in your bedroom. Most 20 year olds, don't share a bunk bed with their 10 year old brother and my obvious question about the age difference between the two of you & subsequent comment about your mother was not supposed to be an insult.

Finally, the salary you offered to the role was signficantly below the advertised rate. When the agent said you were paying peanuts, I did not realise that he literally meant a packet of Dry Roasted once a quarter. The chimp you had locked in the cage with the Swiss flag in the background seemed particularly fond of these, but I expect at least two plus a packet of pork scratchings.

So it with regret that we will not be able to work together in the near future. I am glad you enjoyed the sledges so that you and your 'managing director' can get some use of out of them. They will of course be only valid for the one ride, funnily very similar language used by your Receptionist.

Yours

Marillion Fan

[NotAllThere]

...
Finally, the salary you offered to the role was signficantly below the advertised rate. When the agent said you were paying peanuts, I did not realise that he literally meant a packet of Dry Roasted once a quarter. The chimp you had locked in the cage with the Swiss flag in the background seemed particularly fond of these, but I expect at least two plus a packet of pork scratchings....

Orangutan, thank-you.

[MarillionFan]

Right. When do I start? I have spare time in the middle of the night dontcha know.

[BrilloPad]

Right. When do I start? I have spare time in the middle of the night dontcha know.

Sounds like you would be better off offering your body at Fisherman's wharf rather than as a mod.

[administrator]

Soz, still on holiday, will be back in blighty tomorrow. One last day by the pool

[BrilloPad]

Soz, still on holiday, will be back in blighty tomorrow. One last day by the pool

OMG - you are not taking MF seriously are you?