Who on here doesn't have children?

[Lockhouse]

I'm 50. I never wanted children and never seemed to have that drive to procreate, I always felt there was something missing in me, either I was too selfish or whatever, but I felt I was never ready for that responsibility.

Anyway, 17 years ago I had a long term relationship with a woman who had a year old daughter who had no contact with her biological father. The woman and I split up some years later and as I was the only "father" the little girl ever knew, our relationship as father and daughter continued - we needed each other. She's now a happy and well adjusted 18 year old and I'm still her dad.

Later, when I met my wife she had two children of 8 and 13. I told them I didn't want to be their father, just a friend, and if ever they got into any trouble they felt they couldn't tell either of their parents about, they could always come to me and I'd help them as a friend and not judge them for it. 12 years later, that friendship has deepened and they know that whatever happens I'll be there for them. They even have a little step-sister with whom they get on famously.

For someone who didn't want kids, I've ended up more fortunate that I could ever have dreamt of.

[formant]

But the thing that annoys me the most is the automatic assumption (normally by total strangers) is that as a female there must be something wrong with me for not wanting kids & I have missed out on life’s greatest gift.

Urgh, I got that a lot (when I was still convinced I wasn't going to have any). Bloody ridiculous. The assumptions don't end there though.
Somehow, once you do have children, you are also expected to turn into a completely different person, throw away your career (because kids and career don't mix, you know... ) and the life you built for yourself, just to fit into people's daft traditionalist ideas of childrearing and gender roles. "What, your partner is taking leave instead of you? You heartless creature, absolving yourself of all responsibility...".

Something I'm not too fond of is this 'kids at all costs' attitude. I like kids, having one fits in now. If it didn't, I would happily skip that experience though. Some people however really build their life around the assumption that kids are necessary to keep them fulfilled and fall apart if things don't work out that way. I find that quite sad, really.

[DodgyAgent]

I get mine to play up if some idiot is making complaints about them. My kids are good kids and it pisses me off no end if someone tuts, just because they are there. It's like those idiots who go to public swimming sessions then complain when kids make a splash near them. Senseless. I have a good French friend who genuine believes kids should be seen and not heard in public, whereas he sees mine and prickles, as I encourage them to be who they are, to not be scared to talk or ask questions, and I have not once, yet, said 'just because' and have encouraged my kids to keep asking a question if someone trips out with 'just because'.

Haven't you got your own pool?

[Old Hack]

Haven't you got your own pool?

Not indoor

[Old Hack]

Urgh, I got that a lot (when I was still convinced I wasn't going to have any). Bloody ridiculous. The assumptions don't end there though.
Somehow, once you do have children, you are also expected to turn into a completely different person, throw away your career (because kids and career don't mix, you know... ) and the life you built for yourself, just to fit into people's daft traditionalist ideas of childrearing and gender roles. "What, your partner is taking leave instead of you? You heartless creature, absolving yourself of all responsibility...".

Something I'm not too fond of is this 'kids at all costs' attitude. I like kids, having one fits in now. If it didn't, I would happily skip that experience though. Some people however really build their life around the assumption that kids are necessary to keep them fulfilled and fall apart if things don't work out that way. I find that quite sad, really.

1. You have to change, for you're no longer #1. Have more and you slip down the order further, and rightly so.
2. Most fit parents share responsibilities with the kids.
3. I never wanted kids, was quite happy having time to do the things I wanted to do. Once I had kids, the only thing that upset me, was the fact I'd not had them sooner. Put simply, if you haven't got a child, you really don't know how you'll feel about it. I had no idea how much I would change, what impact it would have on my life and what absolute unconditonal love actually is.

[MyUserName]

1. You have to change, for you're no longer #1. Have more and you slip down the order further, and rightly so.

This is very true. I was amazed at how little sleep I could do with when my kids were very young. My daughter had her scalp torn as she was being born and it caused her a lot of pain if she lay on her back, so I would spend hours at night sitting up and holding her so she and my wife could sleep. I dozed lightly on and off too but that was fine.

My son had a back injury when he was born which caused him severe colic so he never slept for more than an hour or two for about the first 6 months or so. That was punishing as hell, I had just started my first contract and had a 3 hour daily commute as well as a challenging role. Got hardly any sleep at home and still had to be happy and lively for my daughter.

Before kids I used to sword train 3 times a week, go clubbing at least once a week and usually meet up with friends and play board games once a week. I hate having nothing to do.

Now I sword train once a fortnight if everything works out (although I train by myself in my lunchtime every workday), I go to the pub once every couple of months and I have not played a board game for years although I ran a table top RPG for a friend's stag night (unsual I know but he wanted something where his disabled father could join in!).

On Friday I was happy sitting by myself at home (my wife had gone out to her Christmas do) with the kids in bed and channel hopping for something good, ended up watching Inbred which was more weird than good.

[formant]

1. You have to change, for you're no longer #1. Have more and you slip down the order further, and rightly so.
2. Most fit parents share responsibilities with the kids.
3. I never wanted kids, was quite happy having time to do the things I wanted to do. Once I had kids, the only thing that upset me, was the fact I'd not had them sooner. Put simply, if you haven't got a child, you really don't know how you'll feel about it. I had no idea how much I would change, what impact it would have on my life and what absolute unconditonal love actually is.

1. I already have two young stepdaughters, so I'm not 'new' to life with kids and 'not being #1'. Life adjusting to new circumstances isn't the same as the 180 degree personality change that many predict must happen once women have children.
2. Would be nice if that was the case, but I don't see that being the norm yet.
3. I still don't think that having kids is a 'necessary' experience. Having lived with my two stepdaughters for a few years now however has shown me that it's generally a much more worthwile and rewarding experience than I once thought. And a lot less 'hard work' than people claim. I sure didn't expect I'd say this, but I think, most of the time, it's a lot of fun.

[NotAllThere]

...But the thing that annoys me the most is the automatic assumption (normally by total strangers) is that as a female there must be something wrong with me for not wanting kids & I have missed out on life’s greatest gift.

Just tell 'em that you'd love to have kids, but given your health issues (sorry to hear about it btw), it's best not to. That'll make the smeggers feel really guilty.

Alternatively, tell them you were originally Hal Jones...

[MyUserName]

But the thing that annoys me the most is the automatic assumption (normally by total strangers) is that as a female there must be something wrong with me for not wanting kids & I have missed out on life’s greatest gift.

Just tell them that you don't need kids because unless they cough up some cash you will keep theirs.

[Troll]

My old school friend has a daughter. He paid for her university, all expenses, a new car while at university and another new car when she left. He asker her if she could help paint the garage door to which she replied, how much will you pay me.

Fook that sounds familiar !