Something I've been saving for 12 years.....
Originally posted by Reverend_Goatboy
Whilst on a short holiday courtesy of the Queen,
we were indulging in the popular pastime of 'Unluckiest Bloke In Here', which was often awarded to myself, when a new arrival from a neighbouring nick said that his ex-cell mate *had* to be The Unluckiest Bloke In The Entire ******* System.
The gent in question was a career burglar - he specialised in stately homes and the like. And, by all accounts, he was good at it. Anyway, whilst doing a job in some grandee's mansion, he'd been rumbled. Fair cop, etc. A great believer in 'If you can't do the time' etc, he was undaunted by the prospect of 18 months to two years in the pokey - this being the expected sentence by both his knowing friends and his brief.
Dawns the trial, however, and his circumstances have changed. To such an extent that he really doesn't want to do *any* time just now. So he decides to play his Get Out Of Jail Card.
On a job a while before, he'd come across some photos of Leon Brittan and very young boys, and had kept them for a rainy day. Deciding that today's court appearance is very inclement, he pulls out the envelope and shows his brief, who shows it to the prosecution. They approach the judge. The judge immediately adjourns to the following day.
Next day a chap appears replacing our boy's brief and says, "I'm looking out for you now. Don't worry, it's sorted." Our lad winks at his girlfriend, and goes to sleep for the rest of the trial. The judge sums up and says, "This is by far and away the worst case of burglary I've ever seen and as such deserves the maximum sentence. 12 years. Take him down'
we were indulging in the popular pastime of 'Unluckiest Bloke In Here', which was often awarded to myself, when a new arrival from a neighbouring nick said that his ex-cell mate *had* to be The Unluckiest Bloke In The Entire ******* System.
The gent in question was a career burglar - he specialised in stately homes and the like. And, by all accounts, he was good at it. Anyway, whilst doing a job in some grandee's mansion, he'd been rumbled. Fair cop, etc. A great believer in 'If you can't do the time' etc, he was undaunted by the prospect of 18 months to two years in the pokey - this being the expected sentence by both his knowing friends and his brief.
Dawns the trial, however, and his circumstances have changed. To such an extent that he really doesn't want to do *any* time just now. So he decides to play his Get Out Of Jail Card.
On a job a while before, he'd come across some photos of Leon Brittan and very young boys, and had kept them for a rainy day. Deciding that today's court appearance is very inclement, he pulls out the envelope and shows his brief, who shows it to the prosecution. They approach the judge. The judge immediately adjourns to the following day.
Next day a chap appears replacing our boy's brief and says, "I'm looking out for you now. Don't worry, it's sorted." Our lad winks at his girlfriend, and goes to sleep for the rest of the trial. The judge sums up and says, "This is by far and away the worst case of burglary I've ever seen and as such deserves the maximum sentence. 12 years. Take him down'
stop him going native
Comment