Life is good when you dont have any kids

[MarillionFan]

He means some people have kids because "that's what you do", not because they want them, in the same way that some people go to university when they finish school because "that's what you do" and they end up doing media studies or being eaten by Zeity. That's no way to end up.

"That's what you do" = Peer pressure. I think he means the expectation of others, because "that's what you do". As I've never actually been bothered by peer pressure I can't really understand the point because I've always done exactly what I wanted. I waited until much later in life before deciding I wanted kids, and then made the decision based on what I wanted. I didn't feel I had to, I wanted to.

[MaryPoppins]

I saw a program/report a while ago that suggested it's more common than you might think, but parents feel unable to ever tell anyone because admitting your child isn't 100% wonderful and life fulfilling is such an incredible taboo.

Sadly I've no idea what the source was.

Is it? I've found the whole thing relentless, shattering, and frustrating. I still miss my old life at times, and at other times dunno how I'm going to get through the next week.

But oddly wouldn't change a thing.

They fry your brains these kids.

[BrilloPad]

Is it? I've found the whole thing relentless, shattering, and frustrating. I still miss my old life at times, and at other times dunno how I'm going to get through the next week.

But oddly wouldn't change a thing.

They fry your brains these kids.

Of all things I reckon the relentlessness is the worst.

[MaryPoppins]

Of all things I reckon the relentlessness is the worst.

I know what you mean. I felt (feel) I can't say that IRL, as it sounds awful. I can imagine it is much worse with an autistic child too.

[d000hg]

"That's what you do" = Peer pressure. I think he means the expectation of others, because "that's what you do". As I've never actually been bothered by peer pressure I can't really understand the point because I've always done exactly what I wanted. I waited until much later in life before deciding I wanted kids, and then made the decision based on what I wanted. I didn't feel I had to, I wanted to.

No I don't mean peer pressure, rather simply growing up 'knowing' that's what you do - get married and then have kids.

If you don't have them, THEN you might experience peer pressure in some form, but the majority work on the assumption they will have kids at some point in the first place. Which seems a weird thing to take for granted, considering how big a deal it is... pregnancy and childbirth alone do not look like things you'd want to float into!

[mudskipper]

Is it? I've found the whole thing relentless, shattering, and frustrating. I still miss my old life at times, and at other times dunno how I'm going to get through the next week.

But oddly wouldn't change a thing.

They fry your brains these kids.

Would I change anything?

Wouldn't have had first so young, but that's different from saying I wish I hadn't.

Didn't have an adult life before kids, so starting to enjoy my freedom now they're getting older. Seems weird that my eldest is mid twenties, and my mates of a similar age to me have toddlers - definitely wouldn't want to do all that now.

[BrilloPad]

I know what you mean. I felt (feel) I can't say that IRL, as it sounds awful. I can imagine it is much worse with an autistic child too.

That can be an advantage. Baby BP wants to be left alone - that helps alot! Whatever attributes a child has one always worries.

Though Mrs BP is very upset tonight. He has just started reception. He has his own assistant to support him. But last 2 days he has been very very disruptive. We can't talk to him as he does not communicate. We assume its that he has realized this s his life now. He likes to argue and be disruptive - I wonder where he gets that from?

[mudskipper]

I know what you mean. I felt (feel) I can't say that IRL, as it sounds awful. I can imagine it is much worse with an autistic child too.

I think most parents of toddlers can associate with relentless. Friend described being stuck on the sofa feeding her infant while her two year old climbed over her. It's suffocating.

[d000hg]

Is it? I've found the whole thing relentless, shattering, and frustrating. I still miss my old life at times, and at other times dunno how I'm going to get through the next week.

Saying it's hard is one thing. Saying you wish you hadn't had the kid or you resent the child is definitely taboo but I'm sure lots of parents feel this at least once - in any other aspect of life that kind of relentlessness would lead you to snap - quit the job, run away from your husband, etc - but phoning your mum and saying "can you take the kid for a day or I don't know what I'm going to do" would take a LOT of guts.

I dunno MP, you're the one with the knowledge here. You say you don't regret it but did you ever feel otherwise in the toughest bits, temporarily?

Me and Mrs. d000hg know probably two couples well enough they might confess that kind of thing, and even then they are exceptional in feeling able to share such thoughts.

[mudskipper]

Saying it's hard is one thing. Saying you wish you hadn't had the kid or you resent the child is definitely taboo but I'm sure lots of parents feel this at least once - in any other aspect of life that kind of relentlessness would lead you to snap - quit the job, run away from your husband, etc - but phoning your mum and saying "can you take the kid for a day or I don't know what I'm going to do" would take a LOT of guts.

I dunno MP, you're the one with the knowledge here. You say you don't regret it but did you ever feel otherwise in the toughest bits, temporarily?

Me and Mrs. d000hg know probably two couples well enough they might confess that kind of thing, and even then they are exceptional in feeling able to share such thoughts.

I'm sure some people do - but you don't admit it even to yourself.

I remember my ante-natal class, a couple from the previous classes came to talk about their experience, and the dad said it had taken him a couple of weeks to love the child. Very brave to admit to it.