Financial institutions; FFS, grow a pair

[2BIT]

I don't test any more. I'm a so-called 'test manager' for my sins. That means 95% of the rate of a project manager with 5% of the stress.

fair play, test manager is prob the easiest job on a project - our last test manager spent three weeks setting up a defects tracking spreadsheet but LEFT key fields like what system the defect was found on out....

as you can prob tell I have issues with testers....

[DimPrawn]

Yep, but they had to survive a long time to make it.

Don't forget to invest in big highly profitable corporations that have been around for donkeys years, real solid dependable companies with decades of growth.

I'd suggest:

Enron
Lehmans
RBS
Northern Rock
GM
KMart Corp
Chrysler
WorldCom

[Mich the Tester]

fair play, test manager is prob the easiest job on a project - our last test manager spent three weeks setting up a defects tracking spreadsheet but LEFT leaving key fields like what system the defect was found on out....

as you can prob tell I have issues with testers....

you'll be needing a new test manager then?

That is a pretty basic error indeed.

[Paddy]

This bollocks has been going on for years now. We're told about the 'risk of defaults', the 'risk of recession', the 'risk of credit defaults swaps not being honoured'.

Risk of defaults. Risk of share prices falling. Risk of lower bonusses. Risk? RISK? I'll tell you what f**king risk is; the ultimate risk is what a soldier in Afghanistan lives with every day; the fear of having his testicles blown to bits by a Taliban grenade. Slightly less risk is when you go down the Cresta Run at 130 kph with your chin 2 cm above the ice. The risk for financial 'professionals' is that they might spill their coffee, or in a real disaster be forced to forego a bottle of Petrus and make do with some reasonably priced Argentinian Malbec. The risk for people with real jobs doing something useful is that they end up unemployed and destitute. Please, if you work in the financial services industry, don't talk to me about risk or you 'risk' getting a fist hitting your face so hard that your head turns up inside out on the other side of the nearest wall. Just get your f**king act together and stop attracting attention to yourselves like a bunch of spoilt toddlers.

Investments and share holdings should be separated from hedge funds. In fact hedge funds should be outlawed.

[Mich the Tester]

Don't forget to invest in big highly profitable corporations that have been around for donkeys years, real solid dependable companies with decades of growth.

I'd suggest:

Enron
Lehmans
RBS
Northern Rock
GM
KMart Corp
Chrysler
WorldCom

Oh yeah, the ones that are 'too big to fail'!

[sasguru]

You can pay sasguru. He'll see you right, with his global diversified meerkat.

So hang on....your "money" isn't in equities, property or even gold. So where is it?
Oh I forgot it's in your imagination. Yes its probably safe enough there

[2BIT]

you'll be needing a new test manager then?

That is a pretty basic error indeed.

yeah but it seems endemic recently... first project hardly any testing was done and system failed due to that

second project the test manager created so much noise and admin and had a larger team than the devs yet still made us write all our own test cases

this last project we've been through two pretty feckless test managers and if it wasn't for a whizzkid maths grad doing the testing against his will we'd be fecked...

[DimPrawn]

So hang on....your "money" isn't in equities, property or even gold. So where is it?
Oh I forgot it's in your imagination. Yes its probably safe enough there

Money Trees.

timber-investor.co.uk

As trees grow, so does your investment. The MAIL ONLINE recently stated, "The stock market surges, the trees get bigger. The stock market crashes, the trees grow bigger".

[Mich the Tester]

Money Trees.

timber-investor.co.uk

As trees grow, so does your investment. The MAIL ONLINE recently stated, "The stock market surges, the trees get bigger. The stock market crashes, the trees grow bigger".

Thanks Dim, I know I'm a financial moron because Sasguru says so, but generally if something sounds too goo to be true, it is.

[TestMangler]

fair play, test manager is prob the easiest job on a project - our last test manager spent three weeks setting up a defects tracking spreadsheet but LEFT key fields like what system the defect was found on out....

as you can prob tell I have issues with testers....

Erm, what was a Test Manager doing setting up a defect spreadsheet anyway ?

That's a test lead/defect manager job.