Have the honour of being the best man for an old university friend at his wedding in a couple of weeks. This means I am going to have to make a speech. Normally a daunting prospect in any event but made more so by the fact that all his family are so damn PC.
Already been upbraided by his sister in law for using her bog. Apparently I should have used the compost toilet in the garden.
Brother's a regular attendee on those naked bike ride protests & he hates cars - so a track day was out of the question for the stag do.
He's the black sheep of the family & would probably have been happy with a weekend in Benidorm but I think I've found some middle ground by chartering a yacht for the weekend. Not much carbon of a carbon footprint there.
That just leaves the speech. Normally I would just tell a few anecdotes that involve maximum embarrassment to the groom. Definitely can't go there. Looked at those websites but I always feel that that's cheating.
Think I'm just going to lie. And talk a load of bollocks. So I'm going to appropriate a few stories from some of these sockpuppets that abound on this site and make out that he was the object of the story. Most of them seem fairly surreal & inoffensive enough - so long as their owners don't mind of course.
Any links to particularly amusing sockie threads would be appreciated.
Once that's done, I'm going to get so paralytically drunk that I won't be able to participate in any of the dreaded bongo workshops they've arranged for the evening's entertainment.
Already been upbraided by his sister in law for using her bog. Apparently I should have used the compost toilet in the garden.
Brother's a regular attendee on those naked bike ride protests & he hates cars - so a track day was out of the question for the stag do.
He's the black sheep of the family & would probably have been happy with a weekend in Benidorm but I think I've found some middle ground by chartering a yacht for the weekend. Not much carbon of a carbon footprint there.
That just leaves the speech. Normally I would just tell a few anecdotes that involve maximum embarrassment to the groom. Definitely can't go there. Looked at those websites but I always feel that that's cheating.
Think I'm just going to lie. And talk a load of bollocks. So I'm going to appropriate a few stories from some of these sockpuppets that abound on this site and make out that he was the object of the story. Most of them seem fairly surreal & inoffensive enough - so long as their owners don't mind of course.
Any links to particularly amusing sockie threads would be appreciated.
Once that's done, I'm going to get so paralytically drunk that I won't be able to participate in any of the dreaded bongo workshops they've arranged for the evening's entertainment.
That was 20 years ago 
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