Incredible machine

**Moscow Mule** · 15 December 2009, 18:18

Originally posted by threaded View Post

An incredible machine is to be unveiled at the COP15 tomorrow.

Is it the time-machine's first public outing?

**Board Game Geek** · 15 December 2009, 18:43

Originally posted by threaded View Post

An incredible machine is to be unveiled at the COP15 tomorrow.

For those who don't know :

COP15 United Nations Climate Change Conference Copenhagen 2009

So, any guesses as to what the machine could be ?

1. A bovine device, that attaches to the back of the beast. Whenever the creature is about to expel all that nasty methane and destroy the ozone, a sensor detects the gastrointestinal swelling preceding a fart, and with lightning reflexes, a steel butt-plug rams home to save the world.

2. A device that the EU will mandate all homes to have, at considerable cost, to measure our Co2 output. It will have a picture of a happy smiley face, a frowning face and a morally outraged face.

Smiling face : Well done. You're doing your bit to save the planet. You don't need to do anything more, apart from not turn on any electrical equipment, wash, eat or breathe. You still pay additional Co2 levies however.

Frowning face : Oh dear. Must try harder. To encourage you, we're going to raise an additional penalty charge for each day you slack. This is in addition to your normal Co2 levies.

Morally Outraged face : Prepare for a visit by a crack unit of lentil-munching Guardianistas who will explain (nicely) that you are raping the earth, over ethicially sourced tea and fair-trade organic cucumber sandwiches.

They will then confiscate all offending equipment that produces Co2, has been made using Co2, or even looks like it might possibly produce Co2.

You will then be fined, paraded down the street on the back of a low-loader, and fined some more for using a low-loader. Then you will be defenestrated.

You will also be fined for being defenestrated, because a well-meaning Guardianista will think this is something to do with "deforestation", and hence you are using even more resources that they say you are not entitled to.

Finally, your meter will be taken away, and you will be fined for that as well.

**ThomasSoerensen** · 15 December 2009, 20:08

Originally posted by threaded View Post

An incredible machine is to be unveiled at the COP15 tomorrow.

If you have made money on this "incredible machine" for the eco-blabberers then please do me the favour and tell them that and profit on your side will be spent on another Koenigsegg

**vandiss** · 15 December 2009, 20:12

I'm fed up of these Apple Tablet rumours.

**RichardCranium** · 15 December 2009, 20:15

A solar powered mobile phone from Google?

**HairyArsedBloke** · 15 December 2009, 20:20

A improved means of extracting wealth from the private sector to fund public sector jobs?

**Toolpusher** · 15 December 2009, 20:24

Here's a sneak peek.

**RichardCranium** · 15 December 2009, 20:29

Originally posted by Toolpusher View Post

Here's a sneak peek.

So that's how liposuction is done.

**hyperD** · 15 December 2009, 22:29

Originally posted by threaded View Post

An incredible machine is to be unveiled at the COP15 (United Nations Climate Change Conference Copenhagen 2009) tomorrow.

Is it a computer program that takes the last 40 year of redacted temperatures around the world, takes the highest ones from the samples and then applies a fudge factor weighting algorithm to them all to display a hockey stick temp graph which is ridiculed in public and silently withdrawn by the IPCC and prints out the words:

"Global Warming is true - do not pass go, do not collect £200, simply pay an enormous amount of tax to us for no reason whatsoever until a select few are very rich"?

Incredible machine