The little things that annoy you

[gricerboy]

Yup. I hate faffing, and I dislike shopping. People faffing in shops is therefore my kryptonite.

Convo last week in a clothes shop:

Assistant: Oh, this skirt is LOVELY isn't it!
MP: Yes.
Ass: Ooh, well, you've done some shopping today, haven't you! Got plenty here. Going away somewhere nice?
MP: No.
Ass: Lovely. Did you find everything you were looking for today?
MP:Yup. <Grimace>
Ass: Now, do you have one of our <rip off> store cards?
MP:No. I don't want one, thank you.
Ass: Sales pitch, yada, save %age today, bend you over, bummed, interest etc...
MP: No, thank you.
Ass: Are you sure? You would save 15% off your total today.
MP: I'm sure.
Ass: 15% is quite a lot, because of what you're spending. Are you sure?
MP: I am not an idiot - I am able to work out percentages and I'm also SURE I don't want a card. Please do not ask me again.
Ass: Lovely. Do you need a bag today?

In my mind's eye, I then whipped a chainsaw out of my oversize handbag, and set about chopping her body into catfood size chunks.

In reality I gave her a death glare, and she gave me a carrier bag.

You're a cracker.

[Paddy]

Supermarkets (especially Waitrose) selling outdated products. The usual one’s are in bakery dept with a “Best before” date. I asked an assistant on Saturday if they had any fresh croissants. The assistant pointed to pre-packed one’s with the “Best before” date being 24th July. I explained the meaning of best before with an analogy of being pained before Christmas; ie you don’t expect to be paid on Christmas Day. The assistant agreed, only because everywhere is closed on Christmas day.

[SupremeSpod]

My preferred fantasy weapon is the minigun.

YouTube - Minigun in action

What about the BFG-9000?

[Bunk]

When do you ever hear the word "alight" used in conversation?

How about "If that Gricerboy tries to hold my train up with his stupid bike again I'll set him alight" ?

[thunderlizard]

recorded apologies

-yes, except they are philosophically fascinating. e.g. the fact that the apology was recorded before the apologised-for event took place.

Shop assistants who put the coins on top of the notes when giving you change

Yes! but in case you didn't know, there's a move you can do to stop that. Using a scissor-like motion with your 2nd and 3rd fingers, grab the notes. Then whip your hand round, thus snatching the notes and presenting the cashier with a cupped palm into which to deposit the coins. (1 time in 100 this fails and you end up smacking the coins all over the floor, but they've got to learn somehow).

[doodab]

People, all people.

WHS.

Bunch of *****.

[MaryPoppins]

Yes! but in case you didn't know, there's a move you can do to stop that. Using a scissor-like motion with your 2nd and 3rd fingers, grab the notes. Then whip your hand round, thus snatching the notes and presenting the cashier with a cupped palm into which to deposit the coins. (1 time in 100 this fails and you end up smacking the coins all over the floor, but they've got to learn somehow).

I am very excited to give this a go.

[Robster]

How about "If that Gricerboy tries to hold my train up with his stupid bike again I'll set him alight" ?

Haha nice one

[Spacecadet]

My fecking useless MP3 player playing things out of order.

"Money" comes after "Time" for feck sake.

This happened in my car for about 2 weeks... I finally realised it wasn't broken, I had it on shuffle mode.

[Mich the Tester]

Companies who give guests coffee or tea in a disposable plastic or paper beaker.

It´s naff, cheap, inconsiderate, lacking in style or manners, and no way to treat a guest. It gives me the impression that a company is struggling financially and pays no attention to detail.

It´s a good way to ensure I shall take my money elsewhere.