Which one of you

[thelace]

has broken the Nationwide Building Societys online banking?

Prawny, I'm looking at you as no one else will admit to living in Swindon

Please can you get it back for me as I have to pay my mortgage.

Thanks you

[RichardCranium]

has broken the Nationwide Building Societys online banking?

Prawny, I'm looking at you as no one else will admit to living in Swindon

Please can you get it back for me as I have to pay my mortgage.

Thanks you

Thank you for contacting us. Your request is in a queue. An operative will be along to assist you shorty. Your whinge is important to us. Please hold.

[Numpty]

Please continue to hold.

[DimPrawn]

The Nationwide online banking will be back as soon as I get the 45% rate increase demand I just handed to the client.

[RichardCranium]

While you are continuing to hold, can we tell you all about our new Champion Saver Account?

Nationwide building society has today launched the Champion Saver Account which has been grabbing the headlines today and catching the attention of many savers around the UK. The account is slightly different to the norm in that it takes the top instant access, limited access and notice account rates available across the UK from eight predefined lenders. These figures will be used to calculate an average which will be the rate at which the Champion Saver Account is set on a monthly basis.

While there is no doubt that the very basics of the account offers some hope for UK savers, who've been starved of good news over the last few months, it does not by definition offer the best rates. The rate available at the moment is 2.8% gross per annum with a 1.1% bonus rate for funds held until 31 January 2011. To open an account you will need to deposit a minimum £1000 and there will be a 60 day notice period for any withdrawals. Interest on the Champion Saver is calculated daily and, for every day the account balance is above £1,000, the customer will receive the higher rate and the bonus. The customer will only receive the lower 0.10% rate on the days where the balance is under £1,000. Interest and the bonus is credited annually on 31 December rather than the end of the bonus period.

The average rate is calculated using interest rates on accounts provided by Abby, Barclays, Halifax, HSBC, Lloyds bank, Northern Rock, NatWest and Royal Bank of Scotland. While there are better rates available in the wider market place, the Nationwide Champion Saver Account does offer an interesting alternative for those who do not wish to research interest rates on a regular basis.

As ever, if you are investing money into any financial account you should take professional advice and ensure the move is right for your particular situation.

Please continue to hold. Your grizzle is important to us.

[Zippy]

<tinny version of the Girl from Ipanema>

Please note - your home may be at risk ...........

[RichardCranium]

Thank you for holding. May we take this opportunity to tell you about opportunities to work for Nationwide?

We currently have a vacancy for a MIS Manager. Management Information is critical to high-level decision making in every organisation. The information you’ll deliver is even more so, for it will underpin the strategic development of the IT portfolio that’s at the heart of Nationwide’s business. Pay is £41,623 per annum and it is based in Swindon in Wiltshire. The primary responsibility for this role is to keep the furkin web site running.

Please continue to hold. Your moan is important to us.

[TriggerHippy]

So what does it champion if you can get better rates elsewhere, or is this marketing blurb, as in "you might be interested if we give it a really catchy name, rather than anything useful"?

[RichardCranium]

So what does it champion if you can get better rates elsewhere, or is this marketing blurb, as in "you might be interested if we give it a really catchy name, rather than anything useful"?

I'm sorry. I did not understand what you entered.

Please press the STAR key to return to the top of the queue.

[TriggerHippy]

Thank you for pressing the STAR key. Your request is in a queue. An operative will be along to assist you shorty. Your gripe is important to us. Please hold.

<highly distorted version of the first 14 notes of Vivaldi's 4 Seasons ... repeat>