First Time Contractors - Whose Arse Do You Need to Kiss On First Day?

[EternalOptimist]

Cheeky fooker. Coming on here asking for free advice from people who have paid their dues and bear the scars of the knowledge gained.
When valid advice is given, even sarcasticly, you treat it as though it is not serious.
Then you have the audacity to tell us how we should play in our playground!

Twat.

Security. They are ultimately responsible for letting you through the gate. They can be miserable if they do not like you, but can work wonders when you have dropped one. If you need to work late or get in early you will need them onside. They will keep an eye on your car too.
Cleaners. They are the first to know what is going on. They have access all areas and know the news. If you are getting bad mouthed they will know. If the place is closing down they will know.
If you are nice to them they will keep you in the loop and might put in a good word for you when they hear people talking. They will make sure your desk area is clean and tidy.
Bosses secretary. She has the bosses ear and is likely to sway the bosses opinion on whether you get kept on. She is also responsible for getting your time sheet put under the bosses nose.
She runs the boss. He only thinks he runs the company. Her opinion matters. Everybody else can bitch and whine, but if she likes you then you are safe.

The receptionist is also important.

I still think getting bummed by the office gay-lord is a valid strategy

[HairyArsedBloke]

Cheeky fooker. Coming on here asking for free advice from people who have paid their dues and bear the scars of the knowledge gained.
When valid advice is given, even sarcasticly, you treat it as though it is not serious.
Then you have the audacity to tell us how we should play in our playground!

Twat.

Security. They are ultimately responsible for letting you through the gate. They can be miserable if they do not like you, but can work wonders when you have dropped one. If you need to work late or get in early you will need them onside. They will keep an eye on your car too.
Cleaners. They are the first to know what is going on. They have access all areas and know the news. If you are getting bad mouthed they will know. If the place is closing down they will know.
If you are nice to them they will keep you in the loop and might put in a good word for you when they hear people talking. They will make sure your desk area is clean and tidy.
Bosses secretary. She has the bosses ear and is likely to sway the bosses opinion on whether you get kept on. She is also responsible for getting your time sheet put under the bosses nose.
She runs the boss. He only thinks he runs the company. Her opinion matters. Everybody else can bitch and whine, but if she likes you then you are safe.

The receptionist is also important.

As someone once said to me "don't dis the little people"

[HairyArsedBloke]

I still think getting bummed by the office gay-lord is a valid strategy

[swamp]

Whose Arse Do You Need to Kiss On First Day?

The one person you need to keep onside is the person who signs your time sheet.

It's always worth being on good terms with the sys admin. They are usually jumped up know it alls who will talk to you like a kid (even though all they actually know in life is a bit of Unix), but they are often the gatekeepers to Getting Things Done or Deployed. Get on the wrong side of them however, and they'll have you filling out Change Requests and Risk Assessment forms all day long.

If you're an ambitious contractor then you might look for ways to climb the greasy corporate ladder. Do they need a team lead, or have an architect's role that needs filling? Worm your way into extra responsibilities and hit them for a rate rise at renewal time. (Contracting is not much different from permie land in this respect.)

Does he need to cut corners and deliver buggy software so you will appear busy?

Technical ability is one of the least important things of contracting. Seriously.

Does he need to say yes to all work and just do it?

In general yes. Good contractors Get the Job Done!

What happens if you get asked to estimate how long something will take and you cannot? Do you guess?

Yes. But guess big.

What qualities of a contractor really make them succeed?

Depends how you define succeed....

[singhr]

kissing with confidence

That's the great thing about contracting. In 18 years of contracting the only ass I kissed belonged to a fit little bird in Sales, and then dear reader 'I married her'

[BlasterBates]

When I first started contracting I used to go round kissing arses, but after a while I found it unhygenic so now I shake hands instead.

[krytonsheep]

Most important thing on the first day is to take your own mug in.

What qualities of a contractor really make them succeed?

Keep your head down,don't rock the boat and always go to the pub when it's offered.

[orac]

first day at work

1) 9:00 Park 911 in MD's space
2) Install USB cannon on desk
3) Write application to calculate rate per second and leave running
4) Bog->read newspaper
5) lunch->liquid
6) Checkout birds in office
7) Photocopy your own stuff
8) Stationary cupboard for kids stuff 100 units pens 100 units paper
9) Bog->sleep
10) Surf
11) Fill in timesheet
12) Home 17:00

[BrilloPad]

Guys,

Can we keep this serious? I am all up for having a laugh and giggle but this is not the place for it

SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY please!!

Thats the funniest reply yet.

[BolshieBastard]

So I ve aways been a permie - My question is pretty simple

If you want to do well and succeed and have your contract renewed, what mindset does a contractor need to take?

Does he need to cut corners and deliver buggy software so you will appear busy?

Does he need to say yes to all work and just do it?

What happens if you get asked to estimate how long something will take and you cannot? Do you guess?

What qualities of a contractor really make them succeed?

I love niave posts like this! They cheer up what could otherwise be tulip days and make you have a good guffaw.