Going through a divorce

[msubhan]

Its an over-used word but most men seem to want a "fair" settlement. My ex showed no dignity whatsoever - and eight years after separating still doesn't. In essence she wanted the house, all the assets and yes, all the income, custody of the children and not to have to work!

She fabricated stories about violence, gambling, drinking etc to try and get her way. She expected me to cave in but the best thing I did was to stand there and argue each point. In the end we went all the way to the final (financial) hearing when she caved in on the morning of the first day and agreed to more or less the offer made at the outset.

Avoid getting into this at all costs. My fees were £45k and it took 3 years of my life and in terms of moving on with a new partner you will be carrying so much baggage you can forget it.

One consideration for you, msubhan, is that if your sometime-to-be-ex were to work for 16 hours per week or more she would be entitled to tax credits which would be worth approximately £350/month to her.

The advice given on this board is solid and keeping out of the pub will be your greatest asset. Your offer seems generous to me. The Courts will encourage a clean break regarding SM wherever it can be achieved. Your ex has professional qualifications and so the impact on her earnings ability is nothing like as great as most women when they give up work for children etc. You should not give up on the clean break - there appear to be enough income and assets to make it achievable.

Stay true to your principles and good luck

Thanks for the support, she did apply for tax credits but was refused because I'm still in the house, as I indend to be until I have to leave such that I have as much contact with my son as possible.

Oh, and regards to lawyers mine is a female, married working mother

[RichardCranium]

I'm still in the house, as I intend to be until I have to leave such that I have as much contact with my son as possible.

I get the impression there's a "Leave and you've already lost" principle, yes?

[expat]

...
Avoid getting into this at all costs. My fees were £45k and it took 3 years of my life and in terms of moving on with a new partner you will be carrying so much baggage you can forget it.
...

Remember that if she has a low income she may get legal aid, in which case her pockets are essentially bottomless and her lawyers know that.

[msubhan]

I get the impression there's a "Leave and you've already lost" principle, yes?

I was told by my solicitor that if I leave it could be taken that I walked out on my responsibilities....(even though she wants me out)..anyway my thoughts are why should I leave the house I'm paying for and not see my son everyday

[Emigre]

Remember that if she has a low income she may get legal aid, in which case her pockets are essentially bottomless and her lawyers know that.

My understanding of legal aid is that where available it gets secured on a property with interest accruing at the usual Govt backed penal rate.

[BrilloPad]

Remember that if she has a low income she may get legal aid, in which case her pockets are essentially bottomless and her lawyers know that.

She can say her assets are in dispute and get legal aid anyway.

My understanding of legal aid is that where available it gets secured on a property with interest accruing at the usual Govt backed penal rate.

That is correct.