The bluffers guide to football

[Mich the Tester]

Are you trying to get my contract terminated?

Just smack them if they’re difficult about it. They’re shirtlifting footballers anyway, so they’ll run off home and pull a sickie to cry to their mummies if you clip them round the ear.

[minestrone]

Read the BBC transfer rumours daily and mention one each day.

Simples.

[BrilloPad]

Just smack them if they’re difficult about it. They’re shirtlifting footballers anyway, so they’ll run off home and pull a sickie to cry to their mummies if you clip them round the ear.

HR

I dont care about my fellow workers. Its my timesheet signer who worries me. I suppose I can resort to bribery or threats.....

[Mich the Tester]

HR

I dont care about my fellow workers. Its my timesheet signer who worries me. I suppose I can resort to bribery or threats.....

Threats it is then. Footballers tend to fall over if you make a kicking motion within 7 feet of their shins. Any closer than 3 feet and they’ll need to be carried off on s stretcher.

[Doggy Styles]

Five golden rules:

1. It's pronounced "Man Yew"

2. Don't worry, it is OK to call footballers overpaid, cheating, shirtlifters

3. It is cooler to support the likes of Rochdale, Notts County or Swindon than a Premier League team. It is also far cheaper.

4. It is naff to say you support one of the "Big Four", who are Man Yew, The Arse, Chelski and FC Gerrard

5. If you insist on saying you support Man Yew, you must carefully construct a story to explain why. Sitting on your grandad's knee when they won the European Cup in 1968 is a favourite, as is having a relative who once passed through south-east Lancashire. Never, ever admit that you are a saddo who wants the reflected glory of Man Yew's constant success to lighten up your otherwise boring and non-achieving persona.

HTH

[Pondlife]

Help is at hand

It's all covered here

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/t...normal-big-man

HTH

[Bagpuss]

Although you are a southerner and lots of ManU fans are from your neck of the woods...

Christ, I was married to a City fan for way too long

Liverpool or Man U

[sasguru]

5. If you insist on saying you support Man Yew, you must carefully construct a story to explain why. Sitting on your grandad's knee when they won the European Cup in 1968 is a favourite, as is having a relative who once passed through south-east Lancashire. Never, ever admit that you are a saddo who wants the reflected glory of Man Yew's constant success to lighten up your otherwise boring and non-achieving persona.

HTH

Actually with me it was reading about the Busby babes and the sad story of the Munich Air disaster at the age of 9.

[Bagpuss]

I have a friend from darn sarf who supports Liverpool, in fact i know a few that do. Anyway this one guy supports Liverpool because he saw them thrash Southampton when he was a kid. Another (from Oxford) supported Liverpool because he older cousin said he would kick his head in if he didn't.

[gingerjedi]

This might help, it's meant for 'wimin' but it should help... substitute shoes for pie or something.

You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to push in front of the other shopper.