Anyone ever seen a ghost?

[MrMark]

22,000 ghosts found in Dehli.

spooky looky

[Netraider]

In the early 90s I was doing a fuel tank change on an army helicopter. I was working in an old luftwaffe hangar in Berlin. About 3 in the morning I went to make coffee for myself and a colleague who was working on the same job.

While waiting for the kettle to boil I heard footsteps coming down the corridor, past the kitchen. Whoever walked passed the kitchen then went into the toolstore at the end of the corridor. Thinking my colleague was in there I took the coffees to the toolstore to find the door locked, and my colleague still in the hangar working.

Not a good feeling, as my colleague had heard what he thought was me in the toolstore.

I don't know about seeing or believing in ghosts, but I never worked overnight again in that hangar

[RichardCranium]

This has been buggng me all night.

My little lad passed away in our house in 2003 and for a while now my wife and I catch my daughter who is now 4 having conversations and playing with him. Other imaginary friends come and go depending on new friends at school but the lad she plays with she insists is a boy with the same name as our little lad.

Dont really know what to do when it happens - do you try to put her off doing it or treat it as if its just normal?

It is perfectly normal for young children to have imaginary friends, especially when playing by themselves. They are going through a transition from "the world consists of me" through "bugger me - some of the big moving objects appear to be sentient" to "damn, these others seem to expect to have rights too and I have to negotiate to get what I want".

Part of this may - depending upon experience - include comprehension of why some of those objects the child interacts with go away and not come back.

For examples, my wife's family have two well-told stories about this. One is my sister-in-law when 4 lining all her dollies up and, in conjunction with her imaginary friend, in a very serious voice explaining grandad won't be coming back because God needed him to do some things for him. Her imaginary friend lasted until she was 10 when she suddenly discovered boys; the friend then disappeared overnight.

My wife's cousin had a 'friend' that stayed with her until she turned 13, although, according to her mother, the 'friend' re-aappeared to go with her to university. This cousin lost her grandmother seemingly without any effect. But a couple of weeks later, one of the goldfish died and the 'friend' was terribly upset and the cousin had quite a struggle explaining to her 'friend' about death and why the imaginary friend's granny/goldfish was still alive in Heaven yet couldn't come back. The 'friend' had been bottling up the emotion, confusion and fear and acted as the conduit for this to be expressed and addressed.

Having imaginary friends is perfectly normal child development behaviour. It is primarily about the child developing the social skills we need to cope in society. It also provides some company to a lonely child, and an excuse for not doing things, being afraid and other emotional displacement benefits.

That your daughter has picked up on you both talking about a little boy that you can see and she cannot - is it at all surprising that she is mimicking your behaviour? Provided she is not made to feel second-best to the boy she can never compete with, there is the chance she will grow up better for knowing she had a brother she never knew.

So, jimjamuk, don't worry. It is normal and healthy behaviour. She will grow out of it when she's good and ready. Now stop reading here. The next bit isn't for you.

Maybe it's not an imaginary friend. Perhaps it's real. And maybe it's not a friend - perhaps it's pretending to be your little lad for evil purposes.

That was tulipty and nasty. If you believe that - which I am sure you do not - then you must equally believe in the bollocks the Spiritualists come out with: that the little boy could be coming back to play with his sister to make her happy. But it's not, it is all bollocks.

Although I only have 2nd-hand experience of it, I can see that parents really struggle to cope with the death of a child and I've yet to meet one that has got over it. To suggest their dead child should come back to haunt the next child is a horrific suggestion to make to them and I think that was very cruel and hurtful. And part of the reason for my reaction is that I was surprised it was you posting such a thing; it seems quite out of character of you to do so.

[EternalOptimist]

This has been buggng me all night.

It is perfectly normal for young children to have imaginary friends, especially when playing by themselves. They are going through a transition from "the world consists of me" through "bugger me - some of the big moving objects appear to be sentient" to "damn, these others seem to expect to have rights too and I have to negotiate to get what I want".

Nice post RC.
My youngest daughter couldn't be bothered with an imaginary friend, she had an imaginary universe.
When she was three, I told her we were going to the seaside for a few days, to play in the sand and see the Ocean. She looked at me sweetly and asked me 'Is that in this world dad, or the other one ?'
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. But it was cute at the same time. When I asked her about the other world a couple of years later , she couldn't remember a thing. It seems to have been a passing chilhood phase

[RichardCranium]

My youngest daughter couldn't be bothered with an imaginary friend, she had an imaginary universe. She looked at me sweetly and asked me 'Is that in this world dad, or the other one ?'

Out of nothing other than nosey curiosity and to feed my amateur psychology, was that before or after your wife died?

[EternalOptimist]

Out of nothing other than nosey curiosity and to feed my amateur psychology, was that before or after your wife died?

It was about 5 years before (but the lady who died was not the childs mum, and they never met).

too many wives, too many kids. its all so complicated

[RichardCranium]

its all so complicated

Good. The older I get, the more I reckon life should be too complicated.

(So what I'm doing wasting time posting on here, I don't know!)

[NotAllThere]

...

That was tulipty and nasty...

Not intended to be, but on reflection, misjudged. It wasn't an attempt at humour either. Bear in mind, this is a discussion about ghosts and the woo "spirit world". Apologies for offence and distress caused.

fwiw, I've known people whose imaginary friends turned out to be anything other than "friends". Constructs of imagination or "spiritual entities", that plague people in later life. It's not common, but it does happen. It needs keeping an eye on. Not something to worry about, per se, but not something to dismiss out of hand.

[jimjamuk]

Thanks RC - nice to get someone elses perspective on it and yes we try to treat it as normal when it happens. This imaginary friend just happens to have the same name but he's not really there.

As for the other comments it water off a ducks back on these forums (and I've seen some really offensive posts on these boards over the years), down the pub though and it would have been a broken nose at the very least......

[RichardCranium]

Not intended to be

Thanks RC

Virtual beers all round at lunchtime, I reckon.