Shock News

[SallyAnne]

I've turned in to a bit of a big girl's blouse

Ahem...turned?

[pisces]

It is not quite the same but I found my biological dad in 2000, after 35 years. It was extremely hard going to the US to see him after all that time but it was worth it.

He was diagnosed with ALS and cancer in 2002 and died in March 2007 so my advice to you is do it, and do it now!. I wish I had done it sooner so I would have had more time with him and that is something I have to live with.....

One day, it will be too late...

Good advice and as Sally says there must be a reason why this is coming out now.

[Moose423956]

Neither her nor my dad are my biological parents.

They may not be your mother and father, but they're still your mum and dad.

Whatever you do, don't hold it against them for not telling you till now. It must have been very difficult for your mum to tell you that.

[Swiss Tony]

Just my 2 cents worth here,

Firstly reassure your Mum and Dad that you will always think of them in that way. They cared and nurtured you, and they have shaped you into the man you are today.

I guess my gut instinct would be to seek out my biological parents, though prepare yourself. Would you feel guilty for them if they are in a worse of position then you? You may discover brothers and sisters, could you relate to them? Above all never feel guilty about who you are and where you have come in life, it’s the luck of the draw.

Not sure if this helps, but it’s the first thoughts that sprung to mind.

Best of luck

[smee.again]

When I found my dad in 2000, I also found that I have a half brother, lots of Aunts, Uncles etc that I visit regularly. I have gone from a very small family to a big one...and I love it.

It is difficult though and you have to be prepared for the worst but if you don't give it a go, then you will likely be left with the regret...which is far worse, believe me.

[gingerjedi]

Hi BGG,
I think if I found out my folks weren't my real parents, I'd love them even more. What an act of complete selfnessness to take you in and raise you as their own. They must be really amazing people.

My wife is adopted along with her brother but they have always known this, I have always admired them for being such a close family and when we told her parents that we were expecting a baby they were understandably overjoyed but also I think it had special significance to them as its something they were never able to do naturally.

It takes a special kind of person to adopt and it wouldn't be a decision that was taken lightly, in some cases I believe they have an even stronger bond than a natural parent who wouldn't have had to go through the lengthy and stressful vetting process.

My wife loves them so much that I don't think she would ever search for her natural parents in fear of upsetting them, but it's a personal choice I suppose.

[pisces]

My wife is adopted

That's taking it a bit far don't you think?

[sasguru]

Bloody hell - a sensible and high EQ CUK thread - whatever next?
Good luck BGG - I have no idea what it must feel like.

[Xenophon]

All the very best, BGG.

[Bagpuss]

The thing is...do I seek out my biological parents (if they are still alive) so that they can get closure on something that happened a long time ago. Do you think my birth mother wonders what happened to her son ?

I accept that she rejected me (due to peer pressure) 38 years ago. But would it be polite to track her down and just say "I don't want to change your life or mess things up, so I'll be brief. I'm ok. You did the right thing. Goodbye".

Or just let sleeping dogs lie ?

From personal experience (won't go into it here, PM me if you want more details), just contacting her for a one off might upset her more than never hearing from you again. IMHO if you want to contact her you should prepare yourself for some sort of relationship rather than break her heart or don't contact her. There is an organisation that will help you out, by working as a third party should you want to start the ball rolling, I'll dig it out when I get the chance.