Shock News

[Sockpuppet]

You must have so many emotions going on at the moment - how on earth are you coping?

Getting energy prospect of getting two inherantices more than likley. Say it with me. Contratooooorrrrr Styleeeeeeeeee

HTH

[Diver]

You guys are emotionally stunted
Now go to light relief where there's a post just for the guys.

Leave BGG to the girlie hugs

[cailin maith]

Can understand how you feel, I am adopted too - In Ireland, if you are adopted, you don't have a birth cert, you get a certificate form the adopted childrens register, so I was about 9 when I found out (passport!). I'm 31 now and have met my biological dad (apparantly the woman did a runner to Oz after I was born!) and it was a real let down, so I would say make sure that you are absolutly sure you want to meet them before you make such a big decision! I wish I had never gone down that road, the not knowing was better than the way I felt after I met him! It took me ages to deal with those feelings! Anyway, I couldn't imagine feeling any less for my adopted parents, they are fab and my brother and sister who are not adopted are also brill. I'd say my sis is my best friend.

It's a real tough one, but you will come to terms with it......it'll take time and likely a few vodka bottles!

Good Luck!

[Sockpuppet]

Leave BGG to the girlie hugs

That just gave me an idea. BGG go to a bar start chatting some woman up then bring on the "crocadile tears" tell her your adopted and its really hard for you. When shes convinced you are in touch with your emotions. Pile drive her. She'll never see it coming.

Its the perfect plan.

[smee.again]

It is not quite the same but I found my biological dad in 2000, after 35 years. It was extremely hard going to the US to see him after all that time but it was worth it.

He was diagnosed with ALS and cancer in 2002 and died in March 2007 so my advice to you is do it, and do it now!. I wish I had done it sooner so I would have had more time with him and that is something I have to live with.....

One day, it will be too late...

[SandyDown]

Why did your mum decided to tell you this now? did she just think oh well he's nearly 38 now so its about time I told him? it sounds a bit strange - can you ask her why she decided to tell you this now? is she worried about dying without telling you, is she ill or something? or did your real parents trace her and wanted you to know the truth?

[cojak]

Sandy!

How goes it,Doll??

Long time no speak!!

[Board Game Geek]

OMG, what a thread I've started here !

And it suprises me to discover that several others are involved in the adoption scene as well...perhaps it is a lot more common that I thought.

I did ask why my mum told me now.

Her answer was, "There has never been a right time, but some times are better than others. For the first time in your life, you are settled in a job, with a wonderful fiance and living in your own property. I didn't want to tell you during the years of constant work and house upheaval, since you we're never settled."

She definitely has a point there. My life up until now, has been all over the place. As for her health, I'm pretty sure she is in good shape. She eats very little meat, goes to keep fit twice a week and walks 6 miles a week.

I've no idea if my biological mum contacted her. Apparently, when I was adopted at 2 days old, she said "I'll never try and find him." Of course, people change..

It's been a hell of a weekend and I discovered emotions I didn't know I even had. And yes, I'm suprised the thread has stayed pretty much on target...I've been lurking and posting occassionaly since the inception of this board, and for many years on it's predecessor.

Smee : I see your point and I bet you are so glad that you had a chance to know him, even if for a short while.

Cailin : Indeed, there is a fear that perhaps I will not like what I find.

Sally : Cheers sweetie, I'm holding up as best I can. I've turned in to a bit of a big girl's blouse atm and burst out in to tears at random moments. I'll get there.

[Ardesco]

I've never met my father and was mainly brought up by my grandmother. When she died I decided to try and trace my family tree. I didn't get very far and forgot about it and got contacted about 2 years later by my uncle on my fathers side who had been researching his family tree and had come accross my details. I found out where my father lived and that I had a half sister and brother and ended up chatting to them via e-mail a couple of times.

I found that I had very little in common with them and they did not really seem to be that interested in meeting up. They seemed worried that I would upset my father if I ever met him (Walked out when I was 1 and I've never seen him again even though I lived in the same house until my mid 20's). I thought of trekking off to where my father lives and having a word with him, but then I thought what's the point? Surely if he was really interested he could have got in contact with me somehow.

If I they wanted to meet me I probably would to see what they are like, but at the moment I really can't be bothered to make the first move. Nothing wrong with my life right now and what benefit will there be from me trying to force my way into another part of my family that doesn't really seem to be that interested in having me there?

I guess the points I am trying make are:

• Will they want to meet you, can you handle it if they don't?
• Do you want to meet a family that may well have nothing in common with you?
• Will they become leeches if you do meet up (you've done well for yourself son, how about passing some my way??). I could happen and what will you do if it does?
• What will you say if you do meet them?
• How will it affect the relationship with the parents who brought you up?

May sound overly negative and if you really want to meet them don't be put off, but be prepared for all sorts of weirdness.

[miss marple]

BGG

You've had a bit of a side swiping shock emotionally this weekend. You've discovered that the world as you know it isn't the world as it really is. That's enough to trip anyone up off their feet and lay them on their back not knowing quite where they are and what is real anymore.

I can understand your emotions. I can understand the emotions of the Mum you've known all your life. I can also understand the emotions of your biological Mum. They are three very different sets of emotions and each set needs to be considered on its own merits.

My advice (for what it's worth) is to park the knowledge for now - as best you can. Let yourself become adjusted to the idea before you start pondering deep and consider searching out etc. etc. Whatever anyone else has done in similar circumstances isn't necessarily the right thing for YOU to do in the circumstances. Only YOU can decide, ultimately, what you want to do.

It's very easy to dash off into the sunset (or sunrise - or rain sodden horizon) the minute you find something as fundamental as this out in order to chase the 'truth' - find the 'facts'. But doing it immediately is doing it with a knee jerk reaction rather than a considered, well thought through one.

Give yourself four weeks to come to terms with the news you've just received before you make any decisions of any kind. Let it sink in properly. By all means, talk about it with the Mum you've known all your life, but don't go seeking your biological Mum until you've sorted out what you're feeling inside and what your real motives for wanting to seek your biological Mum are. (And I'm sure it's not the double inheritance bit!)

Hugs

MM