Jealousy - family etc

[psychocandy]

I'm currently still a permie, planning on moving to contracting in a few months time, but to an extent I know what you mean.

This year I got a 'double' pay rise for getting a 'consistently exceeding expectations' in my annual review. I say 'double' in quotes because we get automatic pay-rises of ~£1k+cost of living at my level each year as long as we don't 'consistently fall short of expectations' - which is 99.5% of employees.

I don't often discuss money with people, but had mentioned at one point that I got a double bump and someone said I was lucky. I did think about it for a bit and weighed up my effort and output etc. Then I remembered the time I stayed until 2am to fix a piece of software which had a serious security flaw and had to be taken offline, the developer of which was on holiday, and the system needed securing (without the latest source code being available) and back online asap. I recalled the times I'd stayed late to do work at unsociable hours so that our end users experience minimal downtime, rather than taking a live site down for an hour in the middle of the day. Then there were the times covering other people's roles because time hadn't been allocated, or things had cropped up and other people had just gone home because hey, it's 4pm home time. I go out of my way to up-skill, get up to speed with things as quickly as possible, and work solidly during the day - no 30 min cig breaks or spending the day watching YouTube videos. The performance review was based on targets and results, all of which were smashed above and ahead of time.

So at the end of the year, if I'm fortunate enough to be offered a double bump I am both grateful and content - I know that I worked hard for it throughout the year while recognising that I'm not entitled to it.

It's clearly not the same as comparing contractor pay, but I think the principles are similar - you're only as good as your last contract and if you work hard, produce results, maintain good relationships, you can do well; but it's not handed on a plate.

Remember one of the reasons why I took voluntary redundancy and went back to contracting from my last permie job. I didn't get on with one particular manager so I got marked down in my performance review. Cost me about £150 in annual pay rise! So I thought hang on now, why work my nuts off for £12 a month extra, put up with grief and office politics. Not thanks - I'll give that a miss.

[milanbenes]

Is this a contest for hard luck stories?

Who is next?

Brillo,

I take back everything.

And wish you and your family a better future than past.

Milan.

[PhiltheGreek]

Following on my comment about family expecting presents from holidays.

Make sure I NEVER tell family how much I earn. They do my head in. I'm not that loaded but we do OK. Wife only works part-time as a monarch so her income is not massive. But, we do have nice holidays and the rest of the family know this.

Number of times I've been called LUCKY. Pisses me right off. Don't speak to wife's sister because shes got a massive chip on her shoulder how we've got things that she hasn't. But apparently its because I'm lucky.

She left school with zero qualifications, I went to naval college. Of course (and shes said it), I get paid for opening bridges not doing real work.

Many times I'm tempted to say well you should have listened in school but my mrs wont let me!

Anyone else get this?

BTW. I certainly was not brought up with silver spoon in my mouth. My upbringing/background probably could not have been worse/disadvantageous to be honest. Come from a very poor royal family - which I guess is why my dear sister in law winds me up so much.

This is so similar to my life story it is spooky.

[milanbenes]

regarding these family issues discussed in this thread, especially the jealousy, are those behaviours magnified as a result of marrying into a (how to say it) lower level ?

I guess if you marry into the same/similar level or higher you wouldn't have this, I don't and I married into a similar level family

Infact my wife's close and more distant family are very very welcoming and helpful and supportive and well, family like.

Milan.

[northernladyuk]

regarding these family issues discussed in this thread, especially the jealousy, are those behaviours magnified as a result of marrying into a (how to say it) lower level ?

I guess if you marry into the same/similar level or higher you wouldn't have this, I don't and I married into a similar level family

Infact my wife's close and more distant family are very very welcoming and helpful and supportive and well, family like.

Milan.

The other half and I were born into what you might call skilled 'respectable' working class families that valued education, and they've always been delighted that we do OK for ourselves.

[milanbenes]

The other half and I were born into what you might call skilled 'respectable' working class families that valued education, and they've always been delighted that we do OK for ourselves.

thanks NLUK

yes I would classify my situation the same and that of my brothers too.

Milan.

[TheFaQQer]

thanks NLUK

yes I would classify my situation the same and that of my brothers too.

Milan.

NLyUK

[milanbenes]

infact in our family, there is a tradition of trying to be the poorest so you don't have to get a round in and this goes through the generations

as an uncle (a farmer no less) said to me and my brothers a couple of years ago at our Gran's 95'th birthday party, when we asked him to buy us a beer he showed his empty pockets and said he hasn't got any money, we all chortled and bought him a beer

Milan.

[TheFaQQer]

regarding these family issues discussed in this thread, especially the jealousy, are those behaviours magnified as a result of marrying into a (how to say it) lower level ?

I guess if you marry into the same/similar level or higher you wouldn't have this, I don't and I married into a similar level family

Infact my wife's close and more distant family are very very welcoming and helpful and supportive and well, family like.

Milan.

Where the issues come from non-blood relatives, I'd suggest it comes from people being nice or not rather than being from a "lower level".

Where the issues come from blood relatives, then class (generally) has nothing to do with it.

[milanbenes]

Where the issues come from non-blood relatives, I'd suggest it comes from people being nice or not rather than being from a "lower level".

Where the issues come from blood relatives, then class (generally) has nothing to do with it.

Hi FaQQer,

great to see you have you finished the FAQ yet ?

Ok, back to business, I agree and add that levels could influence aggravating the situation.

For example, what's his name said that he is from a Royal family and this gets on his sister in law's tits

Milan.