Urgent help & ideas needed

[Paddy]

. . . or wipe your cock on the curtains!

I did that once; feathers all over the place.

[ratewhore]

Invoke the right of substitution and send someone else...

[MrsGoof]

I did that once; feathers all over the place.

chickens. Did you upset them? Have you been into beastiality long?

[sasguru]

chickens. Did you upset them? Have you been into beastiality long?

I think you'll find it's bestiality. Us experts know ....

[EternalOptimist]

Have a tug before you go, there is NOTHING more embarrasing than getting a boner whilst standing up in front of the md's wife

[bogeyman]

feck me, you're getting an IT contract and you're gonna meet the directors of the client company

must be a noddy sme small company

Milan.

Maybe in the tawdry little world you operate in milan.

I have met the directors and executives of several client firms I have worked for over the years, and not SMEs either.

[mcquiggd]

Ive had something similar - joined a team just before they had a big end of year do and was expected to attend...

Best not to plan or try to be funny.. if it happens that you make a quick quip, it happens... judge the mood when you get there... hopefully it will be after a period of time when some drinks have been flowing, and just say something neutral about how this is a great way to meet the people you will be working with, very pleased to be invited, briefly explain your role and how you are looking forward to having a chat with people during the evening.... if its a very formal occassion just leave it at that, if the CEO or someone else starts to chat to you simply answer politely. And smile a lot, without looking pissed.

Nobody will expect you to suddenly talk for 10 minutes as if giving a presentation... keep it short and sweet and neutral...

[MarillionFan]

My name is Threaded. After finding the cure for cancer and creating a perpetual motion machine I moved on to a six month stint at Microsoft where I wrote QDOS over a weekend and taught my friend Bill how to chat up women.......

[The Clown Beater]

I'm a well known heckler at Microsoft conferences. I'd have a fun day on stage

(side note, I threw a complimentary sandwich at a colleage at Internet World once and got escorted off Olympia).

[thief]

Tell them that you lack social skills completely because your every effort in life went into furthering your professional skills.

HTH

for ounce i totally agree. If i had to do something like that I would either get drunk and turn up as a mutant or go sober and just tulip myself.

People skills r not my strongpoint.