Completely OT - elderly parents etc

[SueEllen]

Ooo bit of a harsh suggestion.

I wasn't thinking that.

However sometimes OAPs get really happy and behave better if they are in the presence of people under 21 e.g. those they think of as children. So bribing one of the kids to come with him to visit his dad could make his visits easier.

[Cirrus]

This is one of the problems of being old.

For a large part of your life you are sheltered from the realities of ageing relations. It's all dealt with by other people. Then one day it's you in the firing line.

My life has been disrupted for several years. My mother lived a separate life - see her now and again, Xmas birthdays etc. Then her partner dropped dead and she descended into severe mental dysfunction, and later was hit by a series of serious strokes. Now I've got daily responsibilities. And it's altogether unpleasant, frustrating, depressing and utterly pointless. There is no way out. They won't even let you go to Dignitas despite she asks everyday if she can die.

The bottom line here is you can't treat afflicted parents as normal human beings. You have to accept that it's not your fault; you can't actually solve the problem, and other agencies just have to cope - you can't stop all the nonsense. You can tell doctors how it is but then you just stand back. Whatever goes on, goes on. It's happening al the time; your father is just a drop in the ocean of chaos.

I think you need to be a lot tougher. For you own protection.

You also need to change the role. Your father is no longer the person who tells you what he wants. He's now like the child you once were. You tell him exactly how it is and if he disobeys then punish him like he would have punished your disobedience when you were young.

You're not alone. We constantly hear about the charmed existence of baby boomers but people choose to ignore the concomitant curse of old age dependants.

[psychocandy]

How old is your eldest kid?

13 Why?

[psychocandy]

I wasn't thinking that.

However sometimes OAPs get really happy and behave better if they are in the presence of people under 21 e.g. those they think of as children. So bribing one of the kids to come with him to visit his dad could make his visits easier.

Jeez talking to a teenager! Wont be able to get him out in the sunlight long enough.

[SueEllen]

Jeez talking to a teenager! Wont be able to get him out in the sunlight long enough.

I thought all the teenagers I was related to were fecking rude - they were except when they were talking to old people.