Completely OT - elderly parents etc

[psychocandy]

Does he go to the doctors on his own? Or does someone sit in with him?

It doesn't have to be you and sorry to say some doctors do not like relations sitting in but are fine with friends' or acquaintances.

Anyway having chaperoned people at different doctors sometimes the doctor needs to be told straight -"X is worried that this will cause [name of serious problem]" As a chaperone you aren't really allowed to say anything else.

This is normally enough for the doctor to explain exactly what they think the problem is, and if applicable why they are using a wait and see approach.

Brother has been with him once but generally Dad wont allow it.

[SueEllen]

Brother has been with him once but generally Dad wont allow it.

Did your dad say it helped? Or where the doctors ruder?

Sometimes they treat OAPs like children and need to be told to address the patient.

[psychocandy]

Did your dad say it helped? Or where the doctors ruder?

Sometimes they treat OAPs like children and need to be told to address the patient.

To be honest, it sounds like the doctors aren't being straight enough with him. They keep telling him "can't find anything" rather than "theres not a lot wrong with you".

Then they shovel the problem along by calling an ambulance to take him to hospital (and they send him home again). The hospital then arrange further outpatient tests just to shut him up or just in case there is something wrong.

All of which, in his mind, because the doctor has said they haven't found anything yet, hes been ill enough to get "rushed" to hospital (although he waited 6 hours once for the ambulance quite rightly), and they're doing furhter tests, validates it all for him. He thinks hes got something serious wrong with him.

No-one on the medical side has taken any notice of his behaviour pattern or how he is completely ignoring all advice he gets given.

[SueEllen]

To be honest, it sounds like the doctors aren't being straight enough with him. They keep telling him "can't find anything" rather than "theres not a lot wrong with you".

Then they shovel the problem along by calling an ambulance to take him to hospital (and they send him home again). The hospital then arrange further outpatient tests just to shut him up or just in case there is something wrong.

All of which, in his mind, because the doctor has said they haven't found anything yet, hes been ill enough to get "rushed" to hospital (although he waited 6 hours once for the ambulance quite rightly), and they're doing furhter tests, validates it all for him. He thinks hes got something serious wrong with him.

No-one on the medical side has taken any notice of his behaviour pattern or how he is completely ignoring all advice he gets given.

The doctors can't say "theres not a lot wrong with you" due to his age as if he dropped down dead you guys could complain. It's the same reason they are doing all the test. As he also has his marbles then it's up to him whether he ignores their advice.

I think the best advice given so far is from NLyUK in encouraging him to be more social as he will be too busy to wait 6 hours for an ambulance unless it is scheduled in.

[psychocandy]

The doctors can't say "theres not a lot wrong with you" due to his age as if he dropped down dead you guys could complain. It's the same reason they are doing all the test. As he also has his marbles then it's up to him whether he ignores their advice.

I think the best advice given so far is from NLyUK in encouraging him to be more social as he will be too busy to wait 6 hours for an ambulance unless it is scheduled in.

Yes of course. Thats part of the problem. Of course, I appreciate that they need to check him out.

Its just after 10-15 times I would have hoped that someone would look at the overall picture.

After all eventually, both the GP and ambulance service are going to mark him down as a timewaster and then not come out when he really is desperately ill.

[northernladyuk]

He is obviously reluctant to engage, but the hospital doctors who manage an acute attendance / admissions are not going to be much help and neither will a GP unless very dedicated. You need the community geriatrics / care of the elderly team, either a nurse of community geriatrics consultant. Sill need cooperation from Dad of course. Help the Aged may be well placed to advise on all local health and other services.

[GJABS]

Hes absolutely convinced that there is something seriously wrong with him.

Has he said specifically what symptoms he has that lead him to believe that he has something seriously wrong with him? After all, it is just possible that there is indeed something bad wrong with him, but that the doctors etc have missed it. Feel free to describe them here (or not if you don't want to share such personal information).

You could go on to some of the medical forums such as patient.info, get him to describe his symptoms, and ask for their (non-professional) opinions - they might just come up with a gem of an idea, or two.

Ultimately though if your father has a mental disorder, such as OCD, as I think is the case here, and he is refusing treatment, doctors can have the power to have him sectioned for treatment of that condition. Probably with antidepressants and/or antipsychotics.
I would though think that a last option rather than a first option.

Keep us informed of his progress.

[psychocandy]

Has he said specifically what symptoms he has that lead him to believe that he has something seriously wrong with him? After all, it is just possible that there is indeed something bad wrong with him, but that the doctors etc have missed it. Feel free to describe them here (or not if you don't want to share such personal information).

You could go on to some of the medical forums such as patient.info, get him to describe his symptoms, and ask for their (non-professional) opinions - they might just come up with a gem of an idea, or two.

Ultimately though if your father has a mental disorder, such as OCD, as I think is the case here, and he is refusing treatment, doctors can have the power to have him sectioned for treatment of that condition. Probably with antidepressants and/or antipsychotics.
I would though think that a last option rather than a first option.

Keep us informed of his progress.

It seems to differ from day to day to be honest. Started off like I said with a chest infection. He took anti-biotics and they did nothing so GP said virus.

He had a cough which is getting better but is lingering a bit. He forgets its getting better and focuses on that. Also, in his head, there is no such thing as wait and it'll get better.

Hes had chest x-rays, ecg, scans etc etc.

His other symtoms seem to be mainly made-up/result of panic attacks such as feel diizzy, can't breathe.

For some reason he also goes through phases of saying he cant eat. But he is eating and forgets that. Hes convinced also hes lost tons of wieght and is weak - hes not he was overweight to start with.

Social services have sent in a carer every morning now which seems to have helped. That 30 mins of someone fussing over him seems to make a world of difference.

I've told him though phone me if you're concerned/feel ill. BUT he refuses to phone me when Im in work "dont want to get you into trouble". Jeez. An example of how he just does not listen to what I say at all.

[MaryPoppins]

[QUOTE=psychocandy;2344180]

Social services have sent in a carer every morning now which seems to have helped. That 30 mins of someone fussing over him seems to make a world of difference.

I've told him though phone me if you're concerned/feel ill. BUT he refuses to phone me when Im in work "dont want to get you into trouble". Jeez. An example of how he just does not listen to what I say at all.[/QUOTE]


He sounds lonely to me; and he genuinely may feel you're paying lip service to the offer of being on the end of the phone. He's of a completely different generation and I often think that colours a lot of interactions.


Does he live far away from you?

[SueEllen]

Social services have sent in a carer every morning now which seems to have helped. That 30 mins of someone fussing over him seems to make a world of difference.

I've told him though phone me if you're concerned/feel ill. BUT he refuses to phone me when Im in work "dont want to get you into trouble". Jeez. An example of how he just does not listen to what I say at all.

You get a lunch break don't you? if you are like most people you eat at your desk. So what you can do is phone him during your lunch break just to say "Hello" and find out how nice his carer was. Do this a few times a week.