It doesn't just rain

[eek]

Moving to another school, where he will know precisely nobody, isn't the solution. The school might want to get rid of a problem statistic, but it won't be of any help to the "problem" himself.

True but if the trigger is the teacher, unless you can get the teacher to change their behaviour (or change the teacher) the problem isn't going to be solved.

[MarillionFan]

So what exactly makes him anxious? Has anyone bothered to actually ask him (by which I don't mean you, I'm sure you have tried everything by now).

He can't articulate. But mostly it seems to be groups and transitions. He's a complex child. I fear the behaviour he's learned in the last 5 weeks to throw and push things over is going to be a challenge to unlearn.

His ADHD means he blurts out and makes noise, doing that he gets told off, trying to suppress makes him anxious, anxious causes him to flee or fight.

[Mordac]

True but if the trigger is the teacher, unless you can get the teacher to change their behaviour (or change the teacher) the problem isn't going to be solved.

If the teacher is the trigger, then common sense would suggest moving the lad to a different class, perhaps even involving him in the process, e.g. asking him which class he'd like to be in. Make him feel in control, for a change. Trouble is, common sense has no place in the state education system. You'd have one pissed off teacher complaining to the unions that he/she has been undermined, and a compensation claim for "being made to look useless" in front of their colleagues.

[BrilloPad]

It's amazing how parents become better experts than the experts

There are the biggest expert on their own child. Every case is different. Clearly you don't have disabled kids or you would know that.

[SueEllen]

Moving to another school, where he will know precisely nobody, isn't the solution. The school might want to get rid of a problem statistic, but it won't be of any help to the "problem" himself.

The school will get rid of him anyway if he keeps "misbehaving". Heads come up with "solutions" to ensure problem children don't stay at their school unless the parents are willing to stick their neck out from the beginning and "work" with them.

Also if he doesn't have an issue with other children he will make new friends if he moves school.

[MarillionFan]

If the teacher is the trigger, then common sense would suggest moving the lad to a different class, perhaps even involving him in the process, e.g. asking him which class he'd like to be in. Make him feel in control, for a change. Trouble is, common sense has no place in the state education system. You'd have one pissed off teacher complaining to the unions that he/she has been undermined, and a compensation claim for "being made to look useless" in front of their colleagues.

Yes, but as she is the person who has to tell him what to do, I think would still struggle. I think inflexibility on a few triggers is an issue, but she is trying hard with the classroom team and now SENCO to try and integrate him. It can't be easy for a teacher with a child who appears out of control.

Next week he will have some different medication which targets anxiety, this week were running loads of allergy tests. It is strange that he doesn't do this at home (though he can still be a little oppositional)

The school has been in change. The headmaster died in the last week of last term, just when he started to go off the rails. I have to admit he was a fantastic motivational man, the type of teacher who would have won awards. The deputy who has taken over is a little out of her depth. He would have known what to do, so there's no point hammering the school they're doing everything now albeit they waited until he ran away and the police arrived.

11.44. No phone call yet.

[BrilloPad]

11.44. No phone call yet.

Maybe he smashed up the phone?

[MarillionFan]

The school will get rid of him anyway if he keeps "misbehaving". Heads come up with "solutions" to ensure problem children don't stay at their school unless the parents are willing to stick their neck out from the beginning and "work" with them.

Also if he doesn't have an issue with other children he will make new friends if he moves school.

We're working very close with the school. DS1 is a top achiever there, so luckily they know it's not a family issue.

It's also 5 minutes walk away.

[vetran]

The school will get rid of him anyway if he keeps "misbehaving". Heads come up with "solutions" to ensure problem children don't stay at their school unless the parents are willing to stick their neck out from the beginning and "work" with them.

Also if he doesn't have an issue with other children he will make new friends if he moves school.

personal experience suggests SE is right, attack them with logic and facts don't let them 'handle you' endeavor to work with them.

It does seem to be a personality clash between the teacher & your son. That young and they need a lot of support from their teacher and being bossed about is probably not good. The Blu tak scenario does suggest the teacher is not being sympathetic I suspect because she believes your son is faking it or an annoyance.

A good teacher would probably have let him have the blu tak (other kids have it so its reasonable for your son to want it) and just note it, its hardly a massive concession and can be sorted later once your son is stable & comfortable.

Don't forget you have been away a lot and now you are home all the time its a big change.

[SueEllen]

Yes, but as she is the person who has to tell him what to do, I think would still struggle. I think inflexibility on a few triggers is an issue, but she is trying hard with the classroom team and now SENCO to try and integrate him. It can't be easy for a teacher with a child who appears out of control.

Next week he will have some different medication which targets anxiety, this week were running loads of allergy tests. It is strange that he doesn't do this at home (though he can still be a little oppositional)

The school has been in change. The headmaster died in the last week of last term, just when he started to go off the rails. I have to admit he was a fantastic motivational man, the type of teacher who would have won awards. The deputy who has taken over is a little out of her depth. He would have known what to do, so there's no point hammering the school they're doing everything now albeit they waited until he ran away and the police arrived.

11.44. No phone call yet.

Your (plural) parenting style?

Does anyone else look after him for a couple of hours fairly regularly ? If so ask how they get on with him.

Also expecting children to remember what they did last week is odd. Even adults have difficulty remembering.