Screaming Babies

[BoredBloke]

Had a similar one to that last week. Wife came home from work to find the pots not done. Why have you been in all day and not done the pots? becuase I was upstairs working. Had to remind her that working from home does not include house work as the client is generally reluctant to pay me to clean my house on their time.

[SallyAnne]

Yeah but the client always ends up paying for those little Xbox and porn breaks though eh? I bet you dont put THEM on your invoice!

[Gonzo]

My brain has an uncanny knack of ruthlessly editing out useless and redundant information which leads Mrs Lucifer to continually accuse me of not listening to her. It's not true, I do listen but just don't retain the information if it's something not likely to affect me. For example, tonight Mrs Lucifer might tell me that she's going into town for lunch with a friend and for a spot of shopping afterwards on Thursday. All my brain will store is "Mrs Lucifer not in on Thursday afternoon" but she will then get offended that on Tuesday morning I can't remember where she's going, why or who with.

I got caught out last night about some supposedly important conversation (I doubt it was, otherwise I could have remembered). In a moment of frank honesty, I told her, "darling, I can remember you will be late home on Wednesday but all I can recall of the conversation is, 'blah, blah, my mother, blah, her dogs, blah, blah, late home on Wednesday'".

Now, I was not praised for being honest, quite the reverse in fact, so can anybody help me out and remind me what it was Mrs Lucifer told me she was going to do on Wednesday evening? I can then amaze her with my attentiveness later on this evening.

Sounds like a standard feature of the female model - Mrs Gonzo is exactly the same.

I can't help you with what Mrs Lucifer is doing on Wednesday though.

[Mustang]

Spot on...

I can soooo empathise. A 7 week old baby with colic......!!! I think my next contract needs to require me to spend more nights away from home.....!!

[Lucifer Box]

Sounds like a standard feature of the female model - Mrs Gonzo is exactly the same.

I can't help you with what Mrs Lucifer is doing on Wednesday though.

Damn! I was hoping she was doing something with someone on here.

[ASB]

Ahem...womans opinion alert....

If your women are getting on your nerves, get them told! You get what you settle for fellas. Grow a spine and tell them "WOMAN, NO!!!"

(A word to the wise - we find that kind of arousing also!) )

Funny, I've always found it results in severe bruising

[BlasterBates]

Aha...classic woman + man brain wiring.

The problem is that due to the different wiring men's and women's brains short-circuit processing each other's comments.


You see Lucifer, you thought your wife was imparting information about where she was so you ignore all the superfluous and retain the "important"


WRONG


Mrs Lucifer was telling you about what she was doing, the information about being late was purely coincidential, what she wants you know is exactly what she was gossiping about, her mother's bunions etc.

[sasguru]

Damn! I was hoping she was doing something with someone on here.

Yeah, CUK members are sadly out of joint (in a manner of speaking) nowadays. In the old days someone would have picked up that obvious hook.

PS Wasn't I seeing one of my many women on Wednesday?

[MarillionFan]

If it was anyone else Sasguru we could have had a chuckle about that. As it's you and you seemed destined to start Gay Threads with that Fred fella, methinks that maybe you should keep your head down.

[sasguru]

If it was anyone else Sasguru we could have had a chuckle about that. As it's you and you seemed destined to start Gay Threads with that Fred fella, methinks that maybe you should keep your head down.

Hey the Fred fella keeps stalking me. Can't help it if everyone finds me attractive.

PS. You've become particularly chirpy nowadays, MF. It's as if you've stolen all Mordac's SOH and appropriated it for yourself.