The dangers of torrenting

[MarillionFan]

So last Tuesday, two days before Xmas I was fired. I was woken at 2am in the morning on my vacation with a call from the US. I instantly ignored it and turned my phone off.

In the morning I listened to the voicemail. 'MF this is X(senior IT Director in the US). When you get this call you will find that you cannot login to your email, access the network and all of your company accounts / logins have been suspended. In addition we want your laptop returned to security in the London office in the next 24 hours. Please contact us to arrange a courier. Please contact me back urgently on 9999999'.

Bastards! I had been discussing taking a new role in the company and they'd preempted and ******* terminated me.

We reserve this for people who we can't get hold of directly or who have too much access/ influence.

I phoned HR Europe. I appear to have been terminated. Can't see anything but let us check. An hour later I get a call back. 'Well a system termination request has been implemented but we don't have anything.'

I then phone the Us number knowing its 2am in the morning and amazingly the IT Director Answers.

'MF?'
'Yes. Why the hell have you terminated me?'
'Terminated??? We haven't terminated you. Your laptop has been hacked and is being used as a bot to attack our network. We've suspended everything you touch and we want your laptop. I'm flying in our top guy from the security team right now. We want your laptop. Your 'case zero'

Needless to say I had to nicely explain to him how to leave a ******* voicemail!!!

So my every interaction, website, CUK post is being dissected as we speak. I've had to admit to downloading illegal torrents and bootlegged files, the odd 'Babysitters do Dallas' downloads and why the **** I have pictures of grown men in nappies with the words 'Suity that's you that is' and a picture of a big grizzly man cuddling a skinny fella in a swimming pool with the words 'Churchill / Brillopad - Bromance'

I'm so embarrassed.

[Cliphead]

You used a client's laptop to do all of the above? Never heard of VM's or bootable OS's? Tails? BYOD?

Amateur

[barrydidit]

Who looks at pron on their work laptop? What the utter **** do you think mobiles are for?

[mudskipper]

...Your laptop has been hacked....

You been posting your password on internet forums again?

[vetran]

Who looks at pron on their work laptop? What the utter **** do you think mobiles are for?

we take the mick out of Suity?

blimey you would have thought such a big wheel would get himself a tablet / phone for such things?

[MarillionFan]

You used a client's laptop to do all of the above? Never heard of VM's or bootable OS's? Tails? BYOD?

Amateur

Agreed. Had it two years. 200 night in a hotel. Complacency.

Who looks at pron on their work laptop? What the utter **** do you think mobiles are for?

I do use the mobile. Just may have accidently downloaded a couple of adult films via a torrent. Least I never expensed them!

[MarillionFan]

we take the mick out of Suity?

blimey you would have thought such a big wheel would get himself a tablet / phone for such things?

I don't browse pron on my laptop. Just a dodgy film.

As it happens the reason they want my laptop is that the virus in question is new and bipassed the virus checker. McAfee also can't detect it and it was described to me that our Security team wants to be the first to publish a solution to it before McAfee.

For all I know it could be a derivative of Fitz2.0.

[vwdan]

As it happens the reason they want my laptop is that the virus in question is new and bipassed the virus checker. McAfee also can't detect it and it was described to me that our Security team wants to be the first to publish a solution to it before McAfee.

So how do they know you have a virus?

Edit: Ah, never mind, glossed over the "used as a bot" thing.

[scooterscot]

I'd fire your ass.

[vwdan]

I'd fire your ass.

Oh, are we recommending grumble flicks now?