10 cows in a field.
Which one is on holiday?
The wan wae the wee calf.
Which one is on holiday?
The wan wae the wee calf.
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Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
So the sheep can't hear the zip... -
Man walks into a baker and says "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?"
The baker replies, "Naw, ye were right the first time".Comment
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A Glasgow guy goes to the dentist and gets in the chair.
"Comfy?" asks the dentist.
"Govan," he replies.Comment
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What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
Bing sings, and Walt Disney.Comment
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Copper wire was invented by two Aberdonians fighting over a penny“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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A Scotsman had been visiting England on business, and when he returned home he sat down with his mates, and began to tell his story.
" Well, I was in London, and I fancied a break, so I walked into a pub- anyway, turns out it was a gay bar. So as I was sitting there, this puffter came up to make, ask me to do something ... urgh, I can't even bring myself to say it. I told him, I've never done that in my life. But, after a while, I gave in. I'm still in shock about it, I just can't believe I did it!"
His mates looked at him, " Och, that does sound bad- what exactly did you do? "
"Well," replied the Scot, " I bought him a drink."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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A Glasgow man, steaming and skint, walks down Argyle Street and sees a man with his car bonnet up. "What's up?" he asks. "Piston broke" says the man. "Aye, same as masel".Comment
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A scotsman was in a bar in England sitting on his own and having a pint, when 3 English men decided they would try pick a fight and wind him up,
So, the first English lad says to his friends "watch this, ill get it done". He approaches the scot and says "Did you know St Andrew was a poof?". The scot says "oh aye..?" and the english man goes and sits back down with his friends and tells them that he wasn't bothered.
The second english man then says, "Watch this, i'll get it done". He approaches the scot and says "Did you know St Andrew was a trasvestite?". The scot replies "oh aye..?" and the english man goes and sits back down with friends and tells them he didn't care.
The third english man then says, "Watch this, i'll get it done." He approaches the scot and says "Did you know St Andrew was english?", to which the scot replies "Aye, your two friends just told me."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Did you hear about the lonely prisoner?
He was in his cell.Comment
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