I just need to get two references ...

[fitzy73]

Been out now for 3 months - 1 month was moving house and sat on my hole for the last 2. Usual story, Jobserved to death, and now dealing with the cretins.

Over the last month, nearly every agency has asked for two references before they will "put me forward". Now I didn't come down in the last shower, so I've refused thus far. You want the name of someone in my ex company who works in IT - ring reception you lazy twat?

I've just got off the phone with another guy, who after giving me the usual pie in the sky job spec (Yeah, PM job in the city, dude) had a standoff viz revealing my referees. However, and as much as I don't want to believe it, he seemed genuine enough that the company needed two references.

I've worked in IT long enough to smell agency horse manure from 1,000 yards, but it got just wanted to see if anyone on here has had a similar reference request which turned out to be genuine?

[eliquant]

Its a lie, interviewers never ask for references up front .. never ever in City / Banking jobs not even after Sep 11th etc.

Its a trick, I'm telling you straight its a TRICK !

[NotAllThere]

Never, not once.

[TykeMerc]

I have had 1 contract where the company wouldn't consider interviewing me without an up front reference, but that was defence related.

I routinely tell the pimps that ask that I will be more than happy to provide references in the event of an offer or a final interview stage, but I refuse to give out names and contact details before then. I'm sure that I've suffered the odd pimp that won't call me again as a result, but I respect my referees too much to subject them to the pimps punting for work.

[Diver]

NAME: fitzy73

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION : Company's President or Vice President.

But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: £185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the spot the ball competition in the local rag

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS ?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles away

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

Reference letter



To Whom it may concern:

1. Fizy73, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Fizy73 works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Fizy73 never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often, Fizy73 takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Fizy73 is an individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Fizy73 can be
10. classified as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Fizy73 be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.

Regards,
Project Manager

[ctdctd]

Stuff

Not very busy today then Diver?

[Diver]

Not very busy today then Diver?

Nah! Raining too hard here to do anything worthwhile.

I did resign as Director of a company today though, so not all unproductive. I have to go into hospital for another op on my hand, and it's no good being an absent director in the sort of work that company undertakes.

[fitzy73]

I have had 1 contract where the company wouldn't consider interviewing me without an up front reference, but that was defence related.

I routinely tell the pimps that ask that I will be more than happy to provide references in the event of an offer or a final interview stage, but I refuse to give out names and contact details before then. I'm sure that I've suffered the odd pimp that won't call me again as a result, but I respect my referees too much to subject them to the pimps punting for work.

Thats the issue though mate - they are refusing to put me forward unless I give the two references. It's fine for most of the gimps, because I know they don't have any jobs, just doing the rounds on the phones.

That, and the "have you had any interviews recently?"! G'way ya muppet!

[fitzy73]

Diver, in one post you've managed to wonderfully synopsis my aspirations. Bravo sir

[Pondlife]

Thats the issue though mate - they are refusing to put me forward unless I give the two references. It's fine for most of the gimps, because I know they don't have any jobs, just doing the rounds on the phones.

That, and the "have you had any interviews recently?"! G'way ya muppet!

Give 'em the last two agencies you've worked through.