Company Director with kids and an Ex - help please!

[eek]

you don't (or can't) understand how it feels mate.

As she's using the kids to get at you I don't think there is much you can do about it apart from reducing your income to sod all and live off your savings.

[tarbera]

That means he must be taking home in excess of £104000 p.a. - after tax, I can't understand that if he's not, are you sure you don't mean £400 per month?

No £400 a week His rate is 1k a day so I suspect it's about right

[northernladuk]

So are you saying that my wife's and my dividends have to be proven to be earned? OK, she does very little other than do some filing and a bit of paperwork, but do I have to justify paying her by keeping logs of her work, times, have a clocking in card?!! To be honest the company is just a vehicle to keep things tied up in a Ltd company, otherwise I'd have would it up and paid 10% entrepreneurs tax, but that would mean me having a bank account that my ex can get at?!! There's no easy answer. Thanks though, I appreciate any comments or ideas, it's what's keeping me focussed at the moment.

The divis don't really have to be justified no, but you do have to try not to show you are giving her money to avoid bringing it out yourself and paying tax. It's a fine line. The PAYE must be wholly justifiable, as many PM's found out recently. How you do it is up to you but I have my PAYE person do a time sheet of work done.

Anyway, don't let this issue detract you, am just being pedantic and this isn't your main focus. You are happy your situation is legit so focus on the bigger issue you have. Sorry to being it up and make an issue where there isn't one.

Just a thought though, there was discussion of that guy in the news that sounded like he was in exactly the same situaiton relationship wise but he was throwing his money around buying 4x4's for his new partner and his new house but when it came to the ex wife and the CSA the figures he presented showed him to be on the verge of bankrupcy and she couldn't get a penny. Was a big news story at the time but I will be buggered if I can find it again sorry.
It was discussed on the forums as well.

[BrilloPad]

I'd love to have more input and have responsibility for my children, but it's difficult when she changes their names, fails to tell me when they are ill (even though I've been paying for private health care), stops me from seeing them, never passes messages on, talks to me like I'm muck, fails to talk to me telling me I've got to sort out my arrangements - she "can't do it" for me, constantly tells lies to my kids, friends and family, does not involve me in schooling, parent evenings, you don't (or can't) understand how it feels mate.

That is life as a father these days. Get used to it. You still have a responsibility to pay for your kids.

[ASB]

I'd love to have more input and have responsibility for my children, but it's difficult when she changes their names, fails to tell me when they are ill (even though I've been paying for private health care), stops me from seeing them, never passes messages on, talks to me like I'm muck, fails to talk to me telling me I've got to sort out my arrangements - she "can't do it" for me, constantly tells lies to my kids, friends and family, does not involve me in schooling, parent evenings, you don't (or can't) understand how it feels mate.

I have some idea. Access is often used as a weapon. However access and your financial responsibilities are two different things. If you feel the only way you can resolve it is by reducing yourself to her level then that is sad - but entirely understandable. I wish you luck in resolving it and hope you get there eventually.

[peedoff]

That is life as a father these days. Get used to it. You still have a responsibility to pay for your kids.

So basically I'm screwed, I can't see my kids and my ex gets to do what she likes? That sounds unfair but I guess it's just what I've got to get used to! Cheers anyway.

[peedoff]

The divis don't really have to be justified no, but you do have to try not to show you are giving her money to avoid bringing it out yourself and paying tax. It's a fine line. The PAYE must be wholly justifiable, as many PM's found out recently. How you do it is up to you but I have my PAYE person do a time sheet of work done.

Anyway, don't let this issue detract you, am just being pedantic and this isn't your main focus. You are happy your situation is legit so focus on the bigger issue you have. Sorry to being it up and make an issue where there isn't one.

Just a thought though, there was discussion of that guy in the news that sounded like he was in exactly the same situaiton relationship wise but he was throwing his money around buying 4x4's for his new partner and his new house but when it came to the ex wife and the CSA the figures he presented showed him to be on the verge of bankrupcy and she couldn't get a penny. Was a big news story at the time but I will be buggered if I can find it again sorry.
It was discussed on the forums as well.

I saw it too, it was an article in the Daily Mail about 3 months ago. However I'm a believer in what goes around comes around, I'm not as bad as that guy, he just seemed to flaunt the rules, I just want to do the right thing and have a good life.

[BrilloPad]

So basically I'm screwed, I can't see my kids and my ex gets to do what she likes? That sounds unfair but I guess it's just what I've got to get used to! Cheers anyway.

Sorry but it is the basic reality these days. In a former life I spent alot of time/effort trying to make things fairer. And I failed miserably.

But, as per my earlier post on this thread, I do recommend applying to court yourself for access. Its your best chance of success.

[peedoff]

Sorry but it is the basic reality these days. In a former life I spent alot of time/effort trying to make things fairer. And I failed miserably.

But, as per my earlier post on this thread, I do recommend applying to court yourself for access. Its your best chance of success.

Hi BrilloPad, I've taken advice from solicitors but they said that it's always going to be difficult, I'd have to drag the kids into it, they'd have to sit in court and be interviewed etc etc, then after all that there's nothing to stop her from denying access because they're 'going out' or 'going away' - people that I've spoken to have said don't bother, it's not worth the hassle, it'd just give her a smile knowing that it's got to me. I just keep my head down and hope things don't get worse - at least that way I'd hope that my kids realise later in life what's really been happening. You can but hope! Cheers anyway

[h8mmer]

Heres my tuppenth worth for what its worth having gome through a recent CSA assesment...
Now, I'd been paying my X more than what she was entitled to for a number of yrs before she finally got greedy, despite my attempts to get her to see reason - funnily enough at the same time I got married to my new wife as well and I'm pleased to say her greed bit her on the ass big time (my monthly payment got halved and she owed me money at the end of it all).

I found the CSA to be pretty reasonable, I know thats not what you're expecting to hear and maybe it was just the guy I ended up dealing with but I'm sure you've heard the same horror stories I had and I want to put your mind at ease a little - not everything is gonna be all doom and gloom.

To answer some of your Q's:
How long does the process take to sort out? Took a few weeks from start to finish for me but I was open and honest and didn't mess them around
Is it worth transferring more shares to my wife? Yes (just readjust your A+B share dividend amounts), if you can under the LRT - if not then you'll be paying more tax which would obviously be better spent on your kids (or your X's handbag collection)

Will my wife's income or dividends be taken into account? NO - the CSA has no rights whatsoever to your spouses income information. The CSA may ask for it but in that case just refuse - if they took you to court no judge would take the request seriously - the CSA know this and will give up - u need to be strong about this - they never even asked me TBH

I've heard that they don't take dividend income into account unless the parent with care asks for a 'variation' or if I'm obviously living beyond my means (Ferrari, Maserati etc - I wish!) Seriously - Once they tell your X that you run a LTD do you really think she'll say don't take YOUR divi's into account - of course she will and quite rightly so - its income

I gather that most 'variations' can take years to look into and in most cases the CSA simply can't prove anything, nearly all of them get thrown out. - The CSA will only take you to court if you refuse to pay or lie and get found out, this is what would take time and I'm not sure on cases getting thrown out - most cases I've heard of end up with the defendant having to pay back any arrears with a payment plan against threats of house sales etc.......not a good idea imo, just be straight with them - saves a lot of hassle

Anyway, the main thing to get across is that access to your children has absolutely nothing to do with monthly maintenance paid other than incentivising your X to reduce contact (less nights at yours = more money for her) - this obviously doesn't affect you at the moment if she doesn't even let you have them at all.

So if you stop paying, get taken to the CSA (which won't be as bad as you expect BTW) by your X, you can still end up with no access if your X doesn't want to give you any- apologies if thats being blunt but you need to know the score.

Your best bet is to fill in a form C100 (I think thats the correct form) and pay the family court to start the ball rolling - about £300 IIRC. However, be prepared to get messed around if she doesn't show up in court - judges will not penalise a PWC (parent with care - mainly mums tho).

If you want to see your kids you need to persevere - it took me 12 months to force things through and thats a relatively short space of time going through family courts.
Don't pay for a solicitor either, my X was on legal aid (she refused to go back to work until court proceedings were finished so she didn't have to pay) and had a £400ph barrister in with her - the judge actually hated that and gave me far more leeway than she had to - the judge ended up ripping the barrister and my X a new asshole - for free happy days).

As for stopping the £340pm - you are paying for your kids, even if you suspect she gambles it away, buys shoes or just cackles over it on a night whilst stirring her cauldron that is down to her - you are giving her money to house/feed and clothe them - like a good parent does and is something that you will be able to prove to your kids when they ask later on in life having heard from your X that you did nothing for them at all (standard stuff in an acrimonious breakup I'm afraid).

And the advice to use the online CSA calculator is good - use it, thats what its there for.

Good luck

H8mmer
PS - before the femmies start, this is not anti-mothers/women and I'm not telling anyone to not pay for their kids - the opposite in fact. We all know its not ALL women or men who use their kids as weapons - just scumbags...