Farts

[shelby68]

Wife refused to believe that she farts while asleep so I recorded it. I sneaked a couple of pieces of onion and garlic into her evening meal, contrary to "banned foodstuffs while at work during the week rule" #16 and my sneakiness was rewarded with a couple of clusterfarts.

She was absolutely furious with me for recording her while asleep.

You just can't win, m'lud.

I'm surprised you didn't already know you can never win being married

[hyperD]

Wife refused to believe that she farts while asleep so I recorded it. I sneaked a couple of pieces of onion and garlic into her evening meal, contrary to "banned foodstuffs while at work during the week rule" #16 and my sneakiness was rewarded with a couple of clusterfarts.

She was absolutely furious with me for recording her while asleep.

You just can't win, m'lud.

[The Lone Gunman]

Women make these tiny little pops, the only time you notice is when in spoon position. Pity. I like ladies' bodily functions me.

Mrs gunman farts like a trooper and is proud of it.
She also deflates over night, I reckon she loses 2" off her ample waistline whilst sleeping. Sometimes the duvet hovers sometimes it is blown clear across the room.

[darmstadt]

My missus farts like a trooper some evenings, I'm sure she's swallowed a brass band sometimes

[SueEllen]

Women fart.

Farting is natural.

Most but not all women fart in the private or when they are no blokes around.

Big deal.

Guys get over it.

Otherwise we will have a "nice" discussion about hair removing since we've already had a discussion about periods.

[xoggoth]

Women make these tiny little pops, the only time you notice is when in spoon position. Pity. I like ladies' bodily functions me.

[bogeyman]

You just know it's gonna be one of those loud, common as muck, council estate type chavettes.

Not necessarily.

You'll sometimes find that the 'jolly hockey sticks' type of gal who went to Cheltenham Ladies College or Rodean tend to let rip with gusto and much hilarity. Not generally in male company I admit, but it's not exactly unheard of.

[SandyDown]

Hey - my farts smell of roses, remember I don't eat grains and I just gave up dairy (trying a no dairy experiment for a month)

oh and am not single

[NickFitz]

You just know it's gonna be one of those loud, common as muck, council estate type chavettes.

If you don't like it, don't live there

[Turion]

I think this can be looked on as final proof that Sandy is indeed a bloke. No woman admits to farting, let alone revels in such a detailed and gut-wrenching expose.

Agreed, this is quite probable. This is definitly a blokey thing. I've never heard of a women boasting about farting. I've very rarely heard a women fart, but when I have, I do not bother turning to look at the protagonist. You just know it's gonna be one of those loud, common as muck, council estate type chavettes.

[PAH]

I think this can be looked on as final proof that Sandy is indeed a bloke. No woman admits to farting, let alone revels in such a detailed and gut-wrenching expose.

[Turion]

And she wonders why she is single. No, actually she does not.
She knows her foul habits are the reason. It's her mother who does the wondering

[KackAttack]

Good work Sandydown, most of the distempers thought to affect the fairer sex are due to flatulences not adequately vented.

[HRH]

This is the most foul thing I have read in a while. Mods please remove it.

[SandyDown]

http://piqued.wordpress.com/category/nora-batty/

Most people, whether they admit to it or not, enjoy the smell of their own farts. Some people enjoy the smell of other peoples farts, or at least find them amusing.

Usually, I get certain degree of satisfaction when I’ve dropped one; I enjoy the really big loud waiting-room clearers that smell more musty than deadly, in fact, thinking about them now this morning, I feel almost filled up with nostalgia, or noxiousalgia if you will.

Once again I was woken up in the middle of the bloody night by cramps, though this time I didn’t need to get up and empty my back, this cramp was cleared with a succession of controlled bursts of wind. I took my time as I didn’t want to follow through, lying on my side they hissed slowly out… steady, steady… another, yes…Oooh, that one had a bit of a tail, caught it in time, relax, not that much, concentrate…JESUS CHRIST!