Reply to: Things people put up their butts

[realityhack]

Champagne bottle. Apparently it broke, she nearly bled to death while David panicked, he didnt want the scandal. I understand he used to get upset when the Kop sang about it. Ali G asked them about it (well alluded to it) on comic relief too.

She's truly as uptight as she seems then.

[The Lone Gunman]

Wasn't there an story a few years ago about Posh Spice and a glass bottle up the jacksie?

Champagne bottle. Apparently it broke, she nearly bled to death while David panicked, he didnt want the scandal. I understand he used to get upset when the Kop sang about it. Ali G asked them about it (well alluded to it) on comic relief too.

[portseven]

Wasn't there an story a few years ago about Posh Spice and a glass bottle up the jacksie?

[Vito]

Tony Blair - the presidents hand...

[Troll]

That's gotta hurt (you'd need to be in nappies for weeks after that)!!

Michael Barrymore...swimming pool...allegedly

[wobbegong]

Speaking of sisters and butts, my sister sends me the most wrong p0rn. She sent something with some guy being DOUBLE fisted. And my folks think she;s all sweeteness and light. She can't be from the same womb as me. I refuse to believe it.

That's gotta hurt (you'd need to be in nappies for weeks after that)!!

[BoredBloke]

I know a nurse and all this is quite common. On she told us about was a guy who 'slipped getting out of the bath and landed on a can of Lynx' which is how it went right up his bum. Yeah right! They have also had a few mobiles also - set to vibrate I guess.

[XTC]

Speaking of sisters and butts, my sister sends me the most wrong p0rn. She sent something with some guy being DOUBLE fisted. And my folks think she;s all sweeteness and light. She can't be from the same womb as me. I refuse to believe it.

[xoggoth]

My sister had to deal with a tin of Harpic in her nursing days. They used to do this little tin that was ideal but the trick was not to let the blunt end go in.

[Burdock]

My daughter, who is now a mid-wife, had an interesting anecdote of a patient she had to provide medical assitance to, came into A&E with an aubergine stuck up her chuff. Nothing unusual maybe, (in this day-and-age)except it had been up there for over a week before she decided to seek medical help. I won't go into the details as you will puke.

It had past it's sell by date then?!

[Colemanisor]

My daughter, who is now a mid-wife, had an interesting anecdote of a patient she had to provide medical assitance to, came into A&E with an aubergine stuck up her chuff. Nothing unusual maybe, (in this day-and-age)except it had been up there for over a week before she decided to seek medical help. I won't go into the details as you will puke.

[Kyajae]

I heard a story from a medical friend ages ago (could be urban myth, don't know) of a man and woman arriving into A&E, he with severe lacerations of the penis and she with severe concussion.

As it turns out, she was giving him a BJ in the kitchen and started to have an epileptic fit, the man reached for the nearest thing to get his wife off his manhood which happened to be a frying pan...

When I was at University, I was giving my then girlfriend a large portion in the doggy styley when all of a sudden her back locked into the bent position. I had to dress her before I could call an ambulance! Somehow the ambluance man kinda guessed what we had been up to prior on account of my somewhat hesitant and unconvining explantions. It didn't help when the then girlfriend came out with "FFS, just tell him we were having a shag" The hospital staff were very good and she was home within 6 hours.

[Moose423956]

I heard a story from a medical friend ages ago (could be urban myth, don't know) of a man and woman arriving into A&E, he with severe lacerations of the penis and she with severe concussion.

As it turns out, she was giving him a BJ in the kitchen and started to have an epileptic fit, the man reached for the nearest thing to get his wife off his manhood which happened to be a frying pan...

I heard from a nurse about a man who went to A&E with an elastic band so tight around his todger that he couldn't remove it. Apparently, he was checking his mail naked, and the elastic band shot up and landed on his willy, and he couldn't get it off.

[Cowboy Bob]

I heard a story from a medical friend ages ago (could be urban myth, don't know) of a man and woman arriving into A&E, he with severe lacerations of the penis and she with severe concussion.

As it turns out, she was giving him a BJ in the kitchen and started to have an epileptic fit, the man reached for the nearest thing to get his wife off his manhood which happened to be a frying pan...

[gingerjedi]

I remember a story in a paper a few years ago where a women had a piece of carrot surgically removed after she had complained about an unusual stench coming from her ladies area, when confronted with the now rotten veg she said she had slipped over on her vegetable patch oh yeh hhmmmm itchy chin... so how did she manage to suck it out of the ground then?