Things people put up their butts

[Troll]

Sorry about the Americanism.... http://everything2.com is a good read to pass the time away

Unfortunately, I don't have complete scenarios like The Grey Defender - all I can offer is a list, from memory, of what has passed (pun intended) through our emergency room. Apparently there is a silent epidemic out there - people by the hundreds are walking naked through their dwellings, slipping, and falling onto odd objects in such a way that they become lodged in their rectum. Beware! You have been warned!

Objects found in various recti:

* Vibrators, some running, some not (no surprise)
* Dildos in various shapes, sizes and colors (also no surprise)
* Cucumbers (and other fruits and veggies, but cucumbers are by far the most common)
* Golf balls
* Eggs, both raw and hard boiled
* Beverage Bottles - Coke bottles are especially prone to getting stuck (the little ridges on the bottle provide good suction)
* Shampoo or other miscellaneous shower necessities
* Hair brushes (ouch!)
* Condiment jars (Grey Poupon, anyone?)
* Screwdrivers
* Light bulbs - oh, come on, people!! I know it's hard to fight sexual urges, but seriously, light bulbs??! Can you imagine what will happen if that puppy breaks? And you thought hemorrhoids were bad...
* And finally, the pièce de résistance - a macaroni sculpture of a little man (another victim of the walking-naked-then-slipping syndrome...)

[pisces]

What about willys?

[Troll]

What about willys?

That according to HMG is a valid life style choice comparable with, and of equal value to hetrosexual relations

[Burdock]

That according to HMG is a valid life style choice comparable with, and of equal value to hetrosexual relations

And anyone who smirked at the list of items in the original post is being lightbulbist...

[gingerjedi]

I remember a story in a paper a few years ago where a women had a piece of carrot surgically removed after she had complained about an unusual stench coming from her ladies area, when confronted with the now rotten veg she said she had slipped over on her vegetable patch oh yeh hhmmmm itchy chin... so how did she manage to suck it out of the ground then?

[Cowboy Bob]

I heard a story from a medical friend ages ago (could be urban myth, don't know) of a man and woman arriving into A&E, he with severe lacerations of the penis and she with severe concussion.

As it turns out, she was giving him a BJ in the kitchen and started to have an epileptic fit, the man reached for the nearest thing to get his wife off his manhood which happened to be a frying pan...

[Moose423956]

I heard a story from a medical friend ages ago (could be urban myth, don't know) of a man and woman arriving into A&E, he with severe lacerations of the penis and she with severe concussion.

As it turns out, she was giving him a BJ in the kitchen and started to have an epileptic fit, the man reached for the nearest thing to get his wife off his manhood which happened to be a frying pan...

I heard from a nurse about a man who went to A&E with an elastic band so tight around his todger that he couldn't remove it. Apparently, he was checking his mail naked, and the elastic band shot up and landed on his willy, and he couldn't get it off.

[Kyajae]

I heard a story from a medical friend ages ago (could be urban myth, don't know) of a man and woman arriving into A&E, he with severe lacerations of the penis and she with severe concussion.

As it turns out, she was giving him a BJ in the kitchen and started to have an epileptic fit, the man reached for the nearest thing to get his wife off his manhood which happened to be a frying pan...

When I was at University, I was giving my then girlfriend a large portion in the doggy styley when all of a sudden her back locked into the bent position. I had to dress her before I could call an ambulance! Somehow the ambluance man kinda guessed what we had been up to prior on account of my somewhat hesitant and unconvining explantions. It didn't help when the then girlfriend came out with "FFS, just tell him we were having a shag" The hospital staff were very good and she was home within 6 hours.

[Colemanisor]

My daughter, who is now a mid-wife, had an interesting anecdote of a patient she had to provide medical assitance to, came into A&E with an aubergine stuck up her chuff. Nothing unusual maybe, (in this day-and-age)except it had been up there for over a week before she decided to seek medical help. I won't go into the details as you will puke.

[Burdock]

My daughter, who is now a mid-wife, had an interesting anecdote of a patient she had to provide medical assitance to, came into A&E with an aubergine stuck up her chuff. Nothing unusual maybe, (in this day-and-age)except it had been up there for over a week before she decided to seek medical help. I won't go into the details as you will puke.

It had past it's sell by date then?!