Real tech support

[Board Game Geek]

Seen in a letter from this week's GP Weekly

Doctor calls the tech support guy to his room.

Doc : "I've got an embarassing problem"
Tech : "uh huh...what's up ?"

Doctor points to patient record on his screen.
Tech looks at it, nothing seems to be wrong.

Tech : "Seems ok to me".

Doctor points to the field called "Cause of Death".

Tech looks at it and notices "Dr X" in the field.

Doctor explains he was amending the record, tabbed too many times, and entered the wrong data in the field.

Tech : Trying not to laugh : "No probs, we'll just log in as Admin and correct that for you."

Doc : Breathes a huge sigh of relief.

Note : Personally, I'd have joked a little with the Doc and said "Thank God I'm not one of your patients", or "Sorry, I'm afraid we can't change that". A couple of my Docs would have seen the funny side, but I guess the Doc in question here was not the joking sort.

[VectraMan]

My Dad actually threw his Freeserve broadband install CD out the window and broke it. Not sure if that was a fit of rage, or boredem, or whatever, but I had to go over and manually download and install the modem drivers.

[The Clown Beater]

When I was working at the MoD, all the PCs were locked into cabinets with a hole for the power button to stop people using the removable media and USB ports etc.

One fine afternoon we had a call from someone who had to have their cabinet unlocked because they had their finger caught in the edge of the door. When the helpdesk monkey went down to the guy, it turned out he was trying to plug a USB key into the machine for some insane reason and had levered the edge of the door open with a large screwdriver. Unfortunately, he got stuck. He was escorted off the premises with a very blue and sore finger...

[xoggoth]

My sister took hers to be repaired when it wouldn't boot. She had a floppy in the drive.

We had one call from somebody who brought our educational software, what should they put in the name and organisation boxes when installing? I altered the installation instructions after that to make it clear.

[DaveB]

"computer support; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks

like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power... A power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too f**g stupid to own a computer."

[EqualOpportunities]

Where's the 'any' key ?

http://www.computergear.com/pressanykey4.html

[Lucy]

Where's the 'any' key ?

[DimPrawn]

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?



Customer: A white one...



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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk.. Sorry....


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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


===============


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


===============


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and
placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


===============


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


===============


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work..


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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


== =============


Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


===============


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


===============


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


===============


And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!