• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:

  • You are not logged in. If you are already registered, fill in the form below to log in, or follow the "Sign Up" link to register a new account.
  • You may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
  • If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.

Previously on "What do you call a computer that sings?"

Collapse

  • MarillionFan
    replied
    Higgs boson walks into church, priest says “We don’t allow your type in here.”
    Higgs replies “But without me, how can you have mass?”

    Leave a comment:


  • vetran
    replied
    There you go 62

    Heard the one about the pensioner who invented one of the world's shortest jokes? Man, 76, uses three-word funny to break record for the most one-liners in 60 seconds | Mail Online

    & 300 (apparently)

    The World's Shortest One Liner Joke by George Valentine

    One for Scooter:

    One of my Scottish ancestors was killed at Culloden. He was knocked down by a bus.

    Leave a comment:


  • MarillionFan
    replied
    How do you make a gay man **** a woman?

    (Answer see Jimmy Carr)

    Leave a comment:


  • tractor
    replied
    ...

    Originally posted by mudskipper View Post
    What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no willy?

    Still no ****ing idea...
    What do you call a blind deer with no legs, no willy and no ears?

    Doesn't matter, it still won't ****ing hear you!

    On topic.....

    Q: Why did Sleepy take firewood to bed with him?
    A: He wanted to sleep like a log.

    Q: When you have a hangover, do you wake up grumpy?
    A: Usually, but sometimes I let him sleep in.

    Q: Why does Snow White always treat each of the Seven Dwarfs equally?
    A: Because she's the fairest of them all.

    Q: Why did Snow White wait outside the Main Street Photo Supply Co. in Disneyland?
    A: She had been told that someday her Prints would come.

    NS for kids....

    Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
    A: Gag!
    Last edited by tractor; 27 April 2014, 13:17.

    Leave a comment:


  • mudskipper
    replied
    Originally posted by tractor View Post
    What do you call a man with a car on his head?

    Jack!

    It would be helpful to know what the panto is, this one would be ok for a beanstalk joke I guess...

    What do you call a blind deer?

    No Idea

    What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

    Still no idea....

    What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no willy?

    Still no ****ing idea...

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    replied
    It's Snow White. But it's drifted somewhat from anything disneyesque...

    Leave a comment:


  • tractor
    replied
    ..

    What do you call a man with a car on his head?

    Jack!

    It would be helpful to know what the panto is, this one would be ok for a beanstalk joke I guess...

    What do you call a blind deer?

    No Idea

    What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

    Still no idea....

    Leave a comment:


  • stek
    replied
    A man is browsing in a clothes shop and says to his mate, 'That's the one I'd get'

    Then a cyclops beat him up..

    Leave a comment:


  • NotAllThere
    started a topic What do you call a computer that sings?

    What do you call a computer that sings?

    A dell.

    I'm looking for bad jokes of this format (not necessarily IT related) for a forth-coming panto. Oh yes I am. Contributions welcome.

Working...
X