Reply to: I like this parent.

[barrydidit]

He's got to go to the boozer across the road as well !! (obviously can't use its slightly un-pc name on here )

Good point. We'd have to source him a motability scooter to park outside or he wouldn't be accepted by the locals

[TestMangler]

I don't remember any Kurd-stabbing incidents?

Anyhow, you've forgotten about the 'bike' dealer we met. And the scary gypsy grandma running the pub. Oh, and the other simpleton woman who took a shine to you before her.

You might be onto something here. Nobody has ever done a poverty safari before. Bear visits KFC, the bookies, Lidl, weatherspoons, the STD clinic and the dole office. Sorted

He's got to go to the boozer across the road as well !! (obviously can't use its slightly un-pc name on here )

[barrydidit]

Take Bertie down to the house you used to rent to me. You can introduce him to Charlotte, the Kurd-stabbing crack whore, Stephanie the pink haired 24 hour pyjama wearing teen mum and Rents, the air rifle toting hash-head. Luckily the street isn't as bad as it sounds as, at least, the jocks have f**ked off.......

I don't remember any Kurd-stabbing incidents?

Anyhow, you've forgotten about the 'bike' dealer we met. And the scary gypsy grandma running the pub. Oh, and the other simpleton woman who took a shine to you before her.

You might be onto something here. Nobody has ever done a poverty safari before. Bear visits KFC, the bookies, Lidl, weatherspoons, the STD clinic and the dole office. Sorted

[TestMangler]

It's Back!

The return of Bertie the B^stard!


Except, it's not Bertie for 2 reasons;

1. This is Billy the B^stard, a souped up Year 2 version of Bertie which comes with an entire fecking wardrobe of bear clothes to be lost in any variety of places.

2. Bertie has been lost again. Permanently. By another parent. Joy unconfined! I'm off the hook in terms of Doing A Terrible Thing where bear-care is concerned. It must have been cursed by a gypsy or something.

Now I just need to not **** anything up till monday......

Take Bertie down to the house you used to rent to me. You can introduce him to Charlotte, the Kurd-stabbing crack whore, Stephanie the pink haired 24 hour pyjama wearing teen mum and Rents, the air rifle toting hash-head. Luckily the street isn't as bad as it sounds as, at least, the jocks have f**ked off.......

[Old Greg]

Hmmmmm. Our new Bertie is also now 3 times as big. And comes with Bingo. We got bollocked for not playing Bingo with Bertie and YG2.

So I stabbed the teacher in the left temple with a 16th century Korean ceremonial blade and put it down to experience.

[mudskipper]

It's Back!

The return of Bertie the B^stard!


Except, it's not Bertie for 2 reasons;

1. This is Billy the B^stard, a souped up Year 2 version of Bertie which comes with an entire fecking wardrobe of bear clothes to be lost in any variety of places.

2. Bertie has been lost again. Permanently. By another parent. Joy unconfined! I'm off the hook in terms of Doing A Terrible Thing where bear-care is concerned. It must have been cursed by a gypsy or something.

Now I just need to not **** anything up till monday......

Good luck! We look forward to hearing how it goes

[barrydidit]

It's Back!

The return of Bertie the B^stard!


Except, it's not Bertie for 2 reasons;

1. This is Billy the B^stard, a souped up Year 2 version of Bertie which comes with an entire fecking wardrobe of bear clothes to be lost in any variety of places.

2. Bertie has been lost again. Permanently. By another parent. Joy unconfined! I'm off the hook in terms of Doing A Terrible Thing where bear-care is concerned. It must have been cursed by a gypsy or something.

Now I just need to not **** anything up till monday......

[Sysman]

This still makes my blood run cold.

I did the bear thing with little one, took her away for the weekend to visit farm friends and got loads of snaps with calfs, lambs, driving a tractor, sitting in the orchard etc. Then I left the ******* thing there and didn't realise till I was home. Cue another 300 mile round trip to collect Bertie the B^stard Bear.

Brilliant story!

It reminds me of a Frank Muir or Barry Cryer story about the school hamster/wabbit/guinea pig that popped its clogs when taken home to look after over a holiday weekend.

The thought of a classroom of small kids in tears drove the narrator to tremendous lengths to find a lookalike replacement* and at the end of that Teech said something like "Oh, surprised it lasted the weekend".

* the pet shop owner sussed out what had happened and charged the earth for the one with the right colouring.

[NotAllThere]

I recall leaving my favourite teddy bear on a bus once. My mother brought me a new one and insisted it was the same one in reincarnated form. Kids will believe anything....

Tried it with my daughter. Years later she revealed that she'd only pretended to believe us to humour us.

[Pogle]

There is never enough Vodka for Pogle!

Hey, now that's a little unfair... I'd be more than happy with the entire Northern European stock of Żubrówka.

[Pogle]

Used to have live creatures when I was a nipper.

I can remember bringing the class Guinea Pig home for the holidays - and it survived. Was back in the 70s though.

Can we bring Pogle home for the holidays?

That would be a really, really, really bad idea.......

[BigRed]

Wasn't it Ozzie Osbourne sent his private jet back from the US for Kelly's stuffed toy?

[greenlake]

"This weekend, bertie the bear spent the weekend smoking crack and banging hookers"

Don't you mean Ted?

[Ruprect]

"This weekend, bertie the bear spent the weekend smoking crack and banging hookers"

[xoggoth]

Sensible chaps those Gerbils. Not only could I have saved 100s of thousands of pounds over the years but could have has some good meals into the bargain.

Animal behaviour is always interesting but let's not mention Bonobos.