Reply to: Suity Whittington's Misadventures in London

[minestrone]

This gig will be different.

It won't, you are the constant.

[Bunk]

Suity sat in the bar of the sea front hotel in Skegness, nursing a half of cheap cider as recommended to him by the Big Issue seller. Since jilting the london gig suity was on the street. In the belly of the beast, working for one of the sharpest holiday camps in the West.

A shadow of his former self from all the sumo training he is now doing, his flab a quiver under the very moist underpants. The bar maid kept making eyes at him in a shy and yet alarmed way.

The phone went, it was the CEO. Suity had already played hard ball with him this morning. Predictably this would be the sacking, paving the way for suity's complete destitution, his way. No messing this time. Suity was not a contractor anymore.

FTFY

[SimonMac]

In yet another parallel universe, far, far away...

Dark Suity: What is thy bidding, my master?
The CEO: Send the Permies to the far side of Endor. There they will stay until called for.
Dark Suity: What of the reports of the Developers massing near Sollust?
The CEO: It is of no concern. Soon the Contractors will be crushed and the young Systems Analyst will be one of us. Your work here is finished, my friend. Go out to the coffee room and await my orders.
Dark Suity: Yes, my master.

[cuts to the CEO's large glass office, Luke, the young Systems Analyst watches the fight between the Contractors and the Permies over at the water dispenser]

The CEO: As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully AGILED and OPERATIONAL enterprise project!

[the CEO hits the comlink switch on his executive chair]

The CEO: Fire at will, Janice!

[In the Personnel typing room, a group of hooded Human Resource staffers start priming the company's super laserprinter - a device so advanced it can be almost run for three minutes without needing a spare cartridge or toner. A series of tones signify that the laserprinter is ready]

Miss Janice: Press Copy, Margaret!

[Margaret hits a switch, and the laserprinter roars into life. And then just as quickly stops to a shuddering halt. A little red light flashes on the console.]

The CEO: SSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIITTTTTYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POTD

[doodab]

Somebody is getting a reality check for christmas.

[suityou01]

Then share your Day 45 vision.

Suity sat in the bar of the sea front hotel in Jersey, nursing an expensive whiskey as recommended to him by Cliphead. Since jilting the london gig suity was on easy street. In the belly of the beast, working for one of the sharpest financial houses in the West.

A shadow of his former self from all the turbo training he is now doing, his abs a quiver under the slightly moist silk work shirt. The bar maid kept making eyes at him in a shy and yet unrestrained way.

The phone went, it was the CEO. Suity had already played hard ball with him this morning. Predictably this would be the climb down, paving the way for suity's ideas to be implemented, his way. No messing this time. Suity was not a man to be messed with.

[Old Greg]

A real page turner

Then share your Day 45 vision.

[suityou01]

A real page turner

[hyperD]

In yet another parallel universe, far, far away...

Dark Suity: What is thy bidding, my master?
The CEO: Send the Permies to the far side of Endor. There they will stay until called for.
Dark Suity: What of the reports of the Developers massing near Sollust?
The CEO: It is of no concern. Soon the Contractors will be crushed and the young Systems Analyst will be one of us. Your work here is finished, my friend. Go out to the coffee room and await my orders.
Dark Suity: Yes, my master.

[cuts to the CEO's large glass office, Luke, the young Systems Analyst watches the fight between the Contractors and the Permies over at the water dispenser]

The CEO: As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully AGILED and OPERATIONAL enterprise project!

[the CEO hits the comlink switch on his executive chair]

The CEO: Fire at will, Janice!

[In the Personnel typing room, a group of hooded Human Resource staffers start priming the company's super laserprinter - a device so advanced it can be almost run for three minutes without needing a spare cartridge or toner. A series of tones signify that the laserprinter is ready]

Miss Janice: Press Copy, Margaret!

[Margaret hits a switch, and the laserprinter roars into life. And then just as quickly stops to a shuddering halt. A little red light flashes on the console.]

The CEO: SSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIITTTTTYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Old Greg]

DAY 36 - Bedsheet is a mess. I'm slow at documenting the gaps but the PM uses me as toilet paper rather than reading it....

FTFY

[eek]

This gig will start different and rapidly deteriorate / revert to the norm...

ftfy

[suityou01]

This gig will be different.

[darmstadt]

Yes the streets of London are paved with gold although I think that might have something to do with missing the urinal when the door opened and I realised that I was actually in the wrong building! My cat has started wearing boots and my hair has gone white and is beginning to look messy, must get the VO5 out.

In a parallel universe...

[DirtyDog]

Let's save time - here's the project timeline:

The project is a nightmare. No-one listens to me - I keep asking for specs and they haven't got any. I got them all into a room and no-one listened to me. In the end I just told them that I've pulled their arses out of the fire and saved the day, because they are all fsking useless

I feel ill now - think I'm dying. It's the worst, worst thing ever. I'm on death's door, hoping no-one will open it for me.

Came back from my deathbed - it's a nightmare. They've ignored everything I told them to do. Need to start looking.

I'm walking. I'm walking - there's nothing they can do to make me stay. Horrible client, I hate it.

They've listened and begged me to stay. Things are looking up

Phew, that's over - had to leave after three months, having saved the day .

Market looks poor, off to the playroom now

[minestrone]

Day 52. I have not been well since the start of this gig and I think there is something terribly wrong with me, I seen my GP four times last week trying to explain that I have been on the internet and despite my lack of any symptoms I should obviously be sent for an immediate CAT scan, I left a turd at reception yesterday and since then the time to get an appointment has went up to 7 weeks.

ftfy

[Pondlife]

WTF sort of pantos did you lot see as kids.