Reply to: I'm not a bad person, I just do bad things

[mudskipper]

Are your bowels still shy?

Mine at much too gregarious for my liking.

Thanks for asking.

I managed a dump at clientCo last week - I think this probably indicates that I've been here too long if my bowels are starting to recognise it as home.

[MaryPoppins]

I can't go anywhere except my own toilet. Holidays are a nightmare - it's usually day 5 before I get any 'movement'. Apparently it's called 'shy bowels'.

Are your bowels still shy?

Mine at much too gregarious for my liking.

[mudskipper]

A classic doodab thread.

[mudskipper]

Depends on which apparatus you did it on.

The weights?

[Sausage Surprise]

I had a dump at the gym yesterday evening. Is that wrong?

Depends which apparatus you did it on.

[mudskipper]

please, do not vomit if yer bum is touching

You do know how a syphon works ??

[EternalOptimist]

Worst toilet was a station in India - unisex (supposedly, but there seem to be very few women out in public in India) hole in the ground that had overflowed. Just needed a pee, but nearly vomited too.

please, do not vomit if yer bum is touching

You do know how a syphon works ??

[mudskipper]

Worst toilet was a station in India - unisex (supposedly, but there seem to be very few women out in public in India) hole in the ground that had overflowed. Just needed a pee, but nearly vomited too.

[NigelJK]

Had 2 'experiences' with the hole in the ground variety. 1st is try doing it on a moving (positively ancient) train. 2nd is with Dysentery.

[hyperD]

Yeah, I don't like those "croucher" loos. Had to use one in Morocco a long time ago when I was student. I was wearing flipflops and the worse thing was there was a very large turd sticking out of the hole like a very menacing brown cobra. Sadly after eating fly and cockroach encrusted food that week, I had a severe case of the runs and had no choice but to splattergun my hot lava java all over the brown reared-headed snake.

And all over my flipflops.

Ghastly. Jackson Pollock would have been so proud.

[hyperD]

Urban legend:

"A friend wasn't feeling well, but just couldn't see how he could miss the office Christmas party, so he took the train to town and over-indulged himself enormously, with the result that he was really very ill in several directions at once.

So on his way back to the station he stumbled into an army surplus shop and asked for a pair of trousers — "38 waist, quick, here's a fiver" — the assistant stuffed them into a bag, and the man just managed to scramble into an empty compartment on the corridorless train back home.

He removed his mucky old trousers, rolled them up, and threw them out of the window.

Then he opened the bag, and found that somehow he had bought a denim jacket."

[doodab]

A friend of a friend had to have a dump at a portaloo halfway round a marathon. There was no loo roll and she decided to use her pants and flush them. She didn't want to take her shoes off and have her feet swell up so she gnawed through her knickers.

That image is strangely erotic.

[Old Greg]

At least there's no staples

Or perfume free sample sachets.

[Old Greg]

I once got caught short on Tottenham Court Road, so dived into a Starbucks and had a massive tulip, at which point I realised there wasn't any toilet paper. Luckily I had just bought a copy of PC Pro, so I tore a few pages out and used those. Not the most comfortable wipe I've ever had, but it beats using your pants and throwing them away.

A friend of a friend had to have a dump at a portaloo halfway round a marathon. There was no loo roll and she decided to use her pants and flush them. She didn't want to take her shoes off and have her feet swell up so she gnawed through her knickers.

[original PM]

I once got caught short on Tottenham Court Road, so dived into a Starbucks and had a massive tulip, at which point I realised there wasn't any toilet paper. Luckily I had just bought a copy of PC Pro, so I tore a few pages out and used those. Not the most comfortable wipe I've ever had, but it beats using your pants and throwing them away.

got to be careful with that - it is easy to get papercuts