Reply to: Bad Dad

[suityou01]

Current contract is about to end. A brand new shiny contract (that I really want as it gives me a chance to learn a new skill and lots of WFH - very rare indeed in my field) is available.

Trouble is, i've promised my boy that i'd spend all of the school hols with him. Client wants someone onboard NOW.

Am I a Bad Dad™ for even considering the new shiny contract?

Just missed SY05s 4th birthday.

HTH

[Old Greg]

x is the amount you are being paid if you don't take contract.
y is the amount you are being paid if you do take contract.
z is the amount you have to pay off your son.

I am too sleep deprived to arrange x ,y ,z, - and > but you get the point.

[northernladuk]

difficult age in this case. But kids can be very adult.

From experience I can say most teenage boys can't and only start acting like and adult when..well I dunno, yet to find out Xbox party at mine bitches!!!!

[vetran]

difficult age in this case. But kids can be very adult.

Do you normally spend lots of time with him or is it a guilt promise (I can assure you I am very familiar with these so I'm not judging). If it is a guilt promise I suspect he will be delighted with a half way house time with you and time doing things he enjoys.

If he is in to football, get him on a football course you take him there and pick up or similar, you will likely be one of the few men there. Make it your objective to make it his best holiday ever, not the one he spends the most time with you, they are not necessarily the same!

My Daughter used to say 'why do you work so hard? I spend most of my time with mummy' I then pointed out that I made it to almost every school play etc and was one of 3 fathers there, one is on shifts the other the dole, she looks out expectantly for me.

[kingcook]

I wouldn't worry.

That the people you love and trust the most will often let you down is one of life's important lessons. Good to get it reinforced early.

Would everyone stop winding me up please!!!

[mudskipper]

I wouldn't worry.

That the people you love and trust the most will often let you down is one of life's important lessons. Good to get it reinforced early.

[kingcook]

Any scope for a compromise? Starting now, but for 2 days a week, going full time when he's back at school.

Nope - already tried that

Like I said, i'll just get up earlier in the morning, say 4am, and work from then. WFH is all about flexibility. As long as the client don't require me to collaborate online, e.g. via IM, from 9 til 5, it shouldn't be a problem.

[mudskipper]

Any scope for a compromise? Starting now, but for 2 days a week, going full time when he's back at school.

[TheFaQQer]

But be honest with him. Most other kids Dads just squeeze time in when they can, if you make real time for him then you will be doing better than most.

Be honest. Tell him that most of his mate's dads don't promise to spend time together and then not do it, so you're doing much better by saying you'll do it and then doing the opposite

[TheFaQQer]

It's all about the big picture.

Something that most six year olds understand

He is more likely to understand the broken promise of taking time off work to spend the holidays together than he is that in the big picture this is for the best.

[kingcook]

how old is he?

Make some days for him only (days out etc) and make sure he gets loads of other stuff including mixing with other kids if he is over 5 then he probably will want to have time with his mates as well.

But be honest with him. Most other kids Dads just squeeze time in when they can, if you make real time for him then you will be doing better than most.

He's 6 years old

[vetran]

how old is he?

Make some days for him only (days out etc) and make sure he gets loads of other stuff including mixing with other kids if he is over 5 then he probably will want to have time with his mates as well.

But be honest with him. Most other kids Dads just squeeze time in when they can, if you make real time for him then you will be doing better than most.

[kingcook]

This.

Working from home is potentially even worse - he'll see you at home, but know that he's not allowed to disturb you because you are working. My children aren't allowed upstairs until after 5pm, unless it's an emergency, because they know that I'm surfing CUK and porn working.

Working from home, and then saying "we'll do something this weekend" are incredibly poor substitutes for a broken promise of spending the holidays with him.

I could work very early morning and late evening though - school holidays are only for 6 weeks.

By doing this, it gives me the chance to WFH long after the school hols are over. Not to mention the chance to learn a new skill - which would help me find work in Australia, as we intend to emmigrate to there in the next couple of years.

It's all about the big picture.

[Spacecadet]

Current contract is about to end. A brand new shiny contract (that I really want as it gives me a chance to learn a new skill and lots of WFH - very rare indeed in my field) is available.

Trouble is, i've promised my boy that i'd spend all of the school hols with him. Client wants someone onboard NOW.

Am I a Bad Dad™ for even considering the new shiny contract?

Buy him a new bike with some of the extra dosh you'll be making

[TheFaQQer]

No. You are a bad dad for making promises you can't keep.

This.

Working from home is potentially even worse - he'll see you at home, but know that he's not allowed to disturb you because you are working. My children aren't allowed upstairs until after 5pm, unless it's an emergency, because they know that I'm surfing CUK and porn working.

Working from home, and then saying "we'll do something this weekend" are incredibly poor substitutes for a broken promise of spending the holidays with him.