Toilet Humour

[suityou01]

The pride with which you say that only highlights how your achievements in life only went downhill afterwards

Even for a little kid, that's not an accident. Did you ever see the same kid burning ants with a magnifying glass, putting elastic bands on cats' legs/necks, etc?

He was an odd kid. Apparently he did the same at home about two weeks prior, and decorated it with one of his sisters' necklaces.

[d000hg]

No. I was toilet trained by the time I was 18 months old.

The pride with which you say that only highlights how your achievements in life only went downhill afterwards

"Because there's poo all up the wallpaper and a big pile of poo on the bathroom floor".

At this point, my sister in-law arrives to inform us my nephew (6) had just owned up.

Even for a little kid, that's not an accident. Did you ever see the same kid burning ants with a magnifying glass, putting elastic bands on cats' legs/necks, etc?

[suityou01]

About 10 years ago (so I was 25ish) I was outside on the drive working on the car with my brother in-law. My sister in-law was inside talking with the wife and looking after the kids (I think this was before kids for us, but they had a couple).

SY02 comes outside to talk to me while I'm hard at work replacing a cylinder head IIRC.

"Have you been to the toilet recently?"

"Not for about an hour, why?"

"Anything unusual about your visit?"

"Nope, not really"

"Number ones or number twos?"

"Number ones. And I remembered to brush my skiddies off the bowl, what's yer beef woman?"

"Did you brush your skiddies on the wallpaper and leave a pile of poo on the floor?"

"No, why do you think that?"

"Because there's poo all up the wallpaper and a big pile of poo on the bathroom floor".

At this point, my sister in-law arrives to inform us my nephew (6) had just owned up.

I mean, honestly. Why would you think this of a grown man?

[scooby]

Early in a relastionship with an ex-girlfriend, we went off climbing wales. She had stayed with family the night before so we met up on the road and I followed her to the crag. She stops off as she needs the lav, and so did I, we stop a petrol station. She goes running in (i thought we were in a rush...) and follow. Not sure she realised but i was going in to the loo too, and it was one of the petrol station with just one lav.

5+mins later, she comes out looking flustered. I go straight in for my pee... A splattered bowl, floaters and v bad smell! Not sure that was the impression she wanted to leave me with that day!

[doodab]

I once darted into a starbucks to drop the kids off only to discover there was no paper in there.

Luckily I had just bought a magazine, so I had a quick flick through and tore out a couple of adverts.

[Sausage Surprise]

I was driving through Wales and had stomach and bowel cramps. Not being able to stand it any longer, I stopped the car and went behind the hedge where there was a field full of sheep. Just in time I squatted and with results that resembled the rest of the sheep poo. The only difference being the pungent smell of whatever upset my movements. Pulling my trousers up in time and appearing innocent , a couple appeared and in a Welch accent said “I think one of the sheep is not quite well.”

Denise? Why aye that fookin stinks man!

[EternalOptimist]

I have had some bad experiences over the years. one of the worst stomache cramps was in Western Australia, at the blowholes looking out over the Indian ocean.

Luckily we hadnt seen a soul all day, so I went for a walk (no need to alarm the missus) and I found a termite mound and let the termites have both barrels



the blowholes WA

http://s1091.photobucket.com/albums/...t=ASF_0011.mp4

[ChimpMaster]

I once had to let drop in a public park because the weed we were smokin relaxed my muscles a little too much.

It was many, many moons ago.

[Paddy]

I was driving through Wales and had stomach and bowel cramps. Not being able to stand it any longer, I stopped the car and went behind the hedge where there was a field full of sheep. Just in time I squatted and with results that resembled the rest of the sheep poo. The only difference being the pungent smell of whatever upset my movements. Pulling my trousers up in time and appearing innocent , a couple appeared and in a Welch accent said “I think one of the sheep is not quite well.”

[MarillionFan]

No. I was toilet trained by the time I was 18 months old.

[Troll]

'seeing a friend off to the coast'

Is that a euphemism?

[BrilloPad]

Thanks for sharing that just before lunch.

[ChrisPackit]

I was reminiscing this morning whilst 'seeing a friend off to the coast' about a time long ago in a nightclub, when I was well oiled and had to use the facilities of said nightclub. I went in with my shirt hanging outside my trousers, but when the time came to wipe ones backside, the shirt got between the paper and ones anus thus using the shirt as, in effect, the toilet paper.

Obviously bladdered at the time, I subsequently had to tuck the shirt into ones trousers on my departure.

Just wondering whether anyone else had any similar lavatory based experiences.

No….just me?!