Reply to: Are 'polyamorous' open relationships possible?

[bobspud]

For me, I can't understand either. I could not forgive any straying at all, even if it was me!

So having been through this on both sides and having multiple friends who are properly in the tulip at the moment, I can give you the following advice. Get it into your head. SEX is not LOVE! It never has been, and never will be. The lie that is SEX should be part of love and til death do us part bond is a disaster waiting for the nearest divorce lawyer.

Yes some (very few so it seems) can remain totally faithful for 20 odd years, However making the fact that neither person will never ever find someone else attractive is just dumb. A good friend of mine has just entered into an open relationship with his wife of 10 years because neither of them found each other sexually attractive anymore. The choice was either split up and lose a massive house that has taken them five years to build, Ruin the kids and probably go bankrupt in the process. Or take a can of man the fsck up and admit that while they both love each other, it was time to take a sex break and have some fun else where while keeping the home stable for the kids. It seems to be going fantastically at the moment. He has 3 or more relationships on the go with women that only want a bit of sex and his wife is happy with a new boyfriend.

The difference between the first couple and my other friends is stark by comparison. The husband is about to lose his house, wife and kids because he made the mistake of confusing some office sex with love. He rann off and shagged the office bike and then crawled home to confess al because he couldn't live with the guilt... Just incase you are wondering. She didn't take it that well.

[northernladyuk]

Is there anyone that can?

I only wear the Ant and Dec reversible mask for you.

[northernladuk]

Is there anyone that can?

Oi That's our lass your talking about. Only I can say that. Outside now!!

[BrilloPad]

he can't even bear to look at me

Is there anyone that can?

[northernladuk]

I couldn't agree more, dear. But you must always remember the risks and it needs to remain balanced and a partnership of equals. When my old man and I were young, we both knew that if we strayed, we'd always be back. But when his worm dried up, so did his prowess. Then my flings started to have a financial element, and slowly became an economic necessity. Before I knew it, for every £50 I was earning on the streets, he was spending £100 being beaten up by aging rent boys.

Now he just sits their on his computer, and he can't even bear to look at me through those poor bruised eyes.

Still, we've got through worse and I know love will pull us through this rocky patch. But don't think it's a simple life style to adopt.

Oi Woman!! I am offended!!! They are not ageing, they are young and firm and nubile.. and it's £80 anyway, I get good customer discount <cough> Now get back to that sink and make us me tea!!!

[northernladyuk]

Knong a few people in poly relationships I would not class it as disloyal, most (generalising here) poly relationships are exceptionally open with lots of discussions about boundaries & acceptable behaviour: how can you be disloyal if you act within pre-agreed parameters?

Poly is not for everyone, just as a specific religion or philosophy is not for everyone, if it works for them then leave them to it.

Just to note: from the comments a few posters on here have made some of you would not be adverse if your wife / partner turned round & said she wanted to have a girlfriend as well as you: that’s a variation of poly

I couldn't agree more, dear. But you must always remember the risks and it needs to remain balanced and a partnership of equals. When my old man and I were young, we both knew that if we strayed, we'd always be back. But when his worm dried up, so did his prowess. Then my flings started to have a financial element, and slowly became an economic necessity. Before I knew it, for every £50 I was earning on the streets, he was spending £100 being beaten up by aging rent boys.

Now he just sits their on his computer, and he can't even bear to look at me through those poor bruised eyes.

Still, we've got through worse and I know love will pull us through this rocky patch. But don't think it's a simple life style to adopt.

[Halo Jones]

BBC News - Is it possible to have a happy open marriage?

I can understand couples allowing infedility. But I cannot understand the disloyalty of a polyamorous relationship.

Knowing a few people in poly relationships I would not class it as disloyal, most (generalising here) poly relationships are exceptionally open with lots of discussions about boundaries & acceptable behaviour: how can you be disloyal if you act within pre-agreed parameters?

Poly is not for everyone, just as a specific religion or philosophy is not for everyone, if it works for them then leave them to it.

Just to note: from the comments a few posters on here have made some of you would not be adverse if your wife / partner turned round & said she wanted to have a girlfriend as well as you: that’s a variation of poly

[sasguru]

I'd like AtW to contribute to thsi thread. lack of knowledge about subject matter hasn;t stopped him before.

[KimberleyChris]

Well, me and the dragon have been together for 25 years now. Maybe it's just because we were lucky, or (more likely) nobody else would have us.

We have both stepped over the line once, but you just get over it.

Perhaps it's the old 'seven year itch'. It's a bit like musical chairs...if you feel the restless need to suggest an open marriage to your partner, perhaps it's time for the music.

[wim121]

"Serial Monogamy" seems to be more realistic for humans.

Accepting from the outset that a 1:1 may not last forever.

But often they don't, which is nice.

How heartless of you!


You are wrong though, that is why I corrected you. Monogamous relationships rarely last. Approximately 2/3 of all marriages end in divorce. In some cultures/areas/demographics within the west (UK/US) the odds of divorce peak at well over 90%.

So maybe there is some sense in it after all? However as I said, not my cup of tea.

[wim121]

But I cannot understand the disloyalty of a polyamorous relationship.

Not my kinda thing either.

But it is so much more common than one would ever think and the couples far from what you would believe.

Anyone working in IT, will probably be well aware of this. People are less stringent on personal machines, but even on work machines, aside from the standard porn, Ive seen happily married couples with kids going on swinger events, pictures of numerous different partners with the original partner watching, leathers and gimpy outfits, etc etc.

In fact, seeing what people get up to in their free time goes well beyond hardcore porn (which Im not a fan of anyway). I dont look as it's not my thing, but you cant help but notice when transferring entire drives full of the stuff.



In fact, the number of people that practise in standard monogamous sex, seem to be in the minority from what Ive seen.

[Bacchus]

<threaddrift>"Jenny Block" is a very unfortunate name for a writer </threaddrift>

[KimberleyChris]

"Serial Monogamy" seems to be more realistic for humans.

Accepting from the outset that a 1:1 may not last forever.

But often they do, which is nice.

[Fishface]

Frubble.

Wibble.

[stek]

BBC News - Is it possible to have a happy open marriage?

I can understand couples allowing infedility. But I cannot understand the disloyalty of a polyamorous relationship.

For me, I can't understand either. I could not forgive any straying at all, even if it was me!