Reply to: I, Partridge, Let's Talk About Alan!!

[FiveTimes]

One of my fancy dress outings was as partridge dressed as a "zombie" - to most I was simply "shower curtain man" - one person recognised it which made the effort worth it

Alan: Grrrhhhhh!!!!
Susan: Arrggghhhh!!!
Alan: No I'm a zombie, I'm dressed as a zombie, I'm Alan Partridge!
Michael: Well can you come out please, Mr Partridge, because guests are not allowed behind reception.
Alan: Alright, alright. Look its just a joke, okay? It's backfired.
Ben: Is that blood?
Alan: It's tomato ketchup.
Susan: Why have you got a shower curtain round your neck.
Alan: I'm a zombie, I don't know, it's supposed to be a flap of skin or something.
Susan: Did you pull that off one of the showers?
Alan: No, I checked all the rings to make sure I could reattach them after, nothing has been damaged!
Michael: Why've you got biscuits sellotaped to your face?
Alan: There complimentary, its supposed to be flaky skin. I'm a zombie.
Sophie: What's that between your legs?
Alan: Its a flex of a mini kettle, its supposed to be a tail.
Sophie: Zombies don't have tails.
Alan: Alright, it's inconsistent. Zombies by their very nature are inconsistent, they're a mishmash of different bits.
Ben: Nah, that's Frankenstein.
Alan: Right, you've made two glaring errors!
Ben: What's that on your fingers?
Alan: They're tungsten-tip screws for claws. Right, error one - actually they're quite good for making a point aren't they? - error one, Frankenstein is the name of the creator, not the monster. Right error two right, Frankenstein is a zombie. Okay, he's a type of zombie. It;s like people when they say Tannoy when they mean public address system. Tannoy is a brand name. Why're you all staring at me? I'm not have a go at anyone, I'm having a pop at the undead. I mean do you see any upset zombies around?
Sophie: Just the one.
Alan: This country!

[MaryPoppins]

One of my fancy dress outings was as partridge dressed as a "zombie" - to most I was simply "shower curtain man" - one person recognised it which made the effort worth it

I've done that too! But sadly, no one knew what the frig I was...so I just looked clinically insane.

[PorkPie]

I've been a massive AP fan for years, since Coogan days. Even went to a fancy dress party as hime once 10 years ago. Nobody knew who the **** I was

One of my favourites from the more recent stuff is:

Anthea Turner...she's the Ford Escort Cabriolet of middle aged women.

One of my fancy dress outings was as partridge dressed as a "zombie" - to most I was simply "shower curtain man" - one person recognised it which made the effort worth it

[ChrisPackit]

I've been a massive AP fan for years, since Coogan days. Even went to a fancy dress party as hime once 10 years ago. Nobody knew who the **** I was

One of my favourites from the more recent stuff is:

Anthea Turner...she's the Ford Escort Cabriolet of middle aged women.

[TheFaQQer]

I've just watched Alan's Kate Bush medley

[Pondlife]

Been available on the Nintendo game cube for many years. Can't help smiling though.

What about Arm Wrestling with Chas and Dave?

[TheFaQQer]

Been available on the Nintendo game cube for many years. Can't help smiling though.

Ay, but on a GC, you cannae hoi a monkey in the sea 'cos he's eaten all me fags, like!

[NotAllThere]

Monkey tennis?

Been available on the Nintendo game cube for many years. Can't help smiling though.

[MaryPoppins]

She's like Burt Reynolds ... very reliable, but she's got a moustache.

[Pondlife]

She's like Burt Reynolds ... very reliable, but she's got a moustache.

[MaryPoppins]

Monkey tennis?

Butter my arse - I'd love to.

[TheFaQQer]

Monkey tennis?

[MaryPoppins]

Kiss my face.

[PorkPie]

Cashback!

[TheFaQQer]

Someone did a Spotify playlist for the soundtrack listing that Alan provides in the book.

Haven't read the book yet, but I have listened to the music!