New global terrorism threat levels announced.

[xoggoth]

Nothing so excellently silly should drop off page with no comments. Back up.

[DaveB]

Following recent events in Libya and Pakistan the English have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Security levels may be raised further to "Irritated" or possibly "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The terririst threat has been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when the Spanish started mucking about in boats in the Channel.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off' to "Let's do the Bastards." They don't have any other levels.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Running To and Fro" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade Poland" and "Lose."

Belgium is on holiday as usual; new alerts will be issued when they get back and decide who is going to run the place.

Australia has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate." Two more levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Allegedly written by John Cleese.