Reply to: Get rich quick schemes

[PRC1964]

I have a plan for making approx a couple of million over the weekend.

Basically me and a couple of mates will travel to Turin by car and knock over a Gold bullion truck.

I understand that fuel is expensive so we'll most likely use small cars like minis or similar.

I have a mate who's got a bit of a penchant for ladies with big bottoms but he's a technical wizzkid. He's going to sort out the traffic issues.

I also have a mate who works for Daves Coaches. He's going to nick one of the buses for the weekend on the pretence of taking a Saga trip to see the Alps.

I know this girl in my local who's a dab hand with explosives. Rumour is she'll blow anything, which is nice.

Wish me luck.

You're basing your plan around Xoggoth? He can't even get his van to run.

[MarillionFan]

Cheque, yanky doodle.

Pedant. Desperate Dan. Dandy.

[MaryPoppins]

They're a cynical bunch on here Tingles pay no notice.

Ever since my lottery win where I shagged Kylie Minogue and her sister an hour after I got the check I've learned to ignore the haters.

Cheque, yanky doodle.

[Tingles]

They're a cynical bunch on here Tingles pay no notice.

Ever since my lottery win where I shagged Kylie Minogue and her sister an hour after I got the check I've learned to ignore the haters.

Good for you - lucky blighter!


Tone

[MarillionFan]

Why would anybody write untruths on an internet forum?


Tone

They're a cynical bunch on here Tingles pay no notice.

Ever since my lottery win where I shagged Kylie Minogue and her sister an hour after I got the check I've learned to ignore the haters.

[Tingles]

Except you could tell he was making it up as soon as he mentioned he had a mate at uni.

Why would anybody write untruths on an internet forum?


Tone

[d000hg]

Was it "mate" or "uni" that set the alarm bells ringing?

[Old Greg]

MF what a colourful life you've led.



Tone

Except you could tell he was making it up as soon as he mentioned he had a mate at uni.

[Tingles]

I had a 'mate' from Uni who decided that turning over a drug dealer was a get rich quick scheme. His basis was they have lots of cash & drugs, plus they wouldn't call the police. He was quite a hard bstard and without a doubt a psychopath.

Having got pissed he turned up at a house with a BB Gun and his mate who was a bodybuilder carrying a baseball bat.

They burst in the front door and proceeded to terrorise the drug dealer(who was actually a transexual) and his girlfriend. They tied them both to a chair, slapped him round a bit and threatened to blow his head off with said toy gun.

Unknown to him, she had phoned the police on the phone and that was off the hook. The whole lot got recorded and police hurtled around.

They got away with £20 and my 'mate' fell asleep in a hedge around the corner.

He got 11, 9 and 7 years for threat to kill, possession of a firearm and aggravated robbery. He served 7 years.

I gave him a job for a week when he came out of prison when I opened one of my shops. He stayed with me and the missus, but frankly prison had not been good to him and by then he was completely emotionless and extremely calculating. I paid him two weeks wages said goodbye and thank god have never seen him since.

MF what a colourful life you've led.



Tone

[d000hg]

I have hit on this brilliant idea for making a mint quickly.

I'm going to concoct a story that I have found a natural spring on one of my country properties. I will then start to have it bottled and get a celebrity to endorse it.

I will of course be filling bottles up from the tap in my kitchen. No-one will any the wiser.

I was thinking of getting David Beckham to do the endorsement and was planning to call it Beckham Springs Water.

Anyone else have any sure plan ideas?

Get David Jason to endorse it for ultimate irony

Serve it a 0 degrees and call it 'Touch of Frost'.

BBC - Only Fools and Horses - Mother Nature's Son (1992)

[ThomasSoerensen]

The wife was watching one of those Secret Millionaire programmes and something caught my eye as a potential money spinner.

This group in Bristol had been set up to provide advice and support to 'workers in the sex trade'. It made the point that some of these ladies are at risk because they wander around with large amounts of cash on their person and they are often off it on smack anyway.

So, there's your answer. Mugging prostitutes. Easy cash. They're unlikely to go to the police either.

Foolproof and classy. Good job.

[MarillionFan]

The wife was watching one of those Secret Millionaire programmes and something caught my eye as a potential money spinner.

This group in Bristol had been set up to provide advice and support to 'workers in the sex trade'. It made the point that some of these ladies are at risk because they wander around with large amounts of cash on their person and they are often off it on smack anyway.

So, there's your answer. Mugging prostitutes. Easy cash. They're unlikely to go to the police either.

I had a 'mate' from Uni who decided that turning over a drug dealer was a get rich quick scheme. His basis was they have lots of cash & drugs, plus they wouldn't call the police. He was quite a hard bstard and without a doubt a psychopath.

Having got pissed he turned up at a house with a BB Gun and his mate who was a bodybuilder carrying a baseball bat.

They burst in the front door and proceeded to terrorise the drug dealer(who was actually a transexual) and his girlfriend. They tied them both to a chair, slapped him round a bit and threatened to blow his head off with said toy gun.

Unknown to him, she had phoned the police on the phone and that was off the hook. The whole lot got recorded and police hurtled around.

They got away with £20 and my 'mate' fell asleep in a hedge around the corner.

He got 11, 9 and 7 years for threat to kill, possession of a firearm and aggravated robbery. He served 7 years.

I gave him a job for a week when he came out of prison when I opened one of my shops. He stayed with me and the missus, but frankly prison had not been good to him and by then he was completely emotionless and extremely calculating. I paid him two weeks wages said goodbye and thank god have never seen him since.

[Alf W]

They sell a lot of that in the turd world where tap water’s unreliable and unsafe. Saw loads of Dasani salesmen on the streets in Tanzania recently.

Like USA and Canada as well. It's pretty much just the UK who won't go for it because our water is so much better.

[MarillionFan]

Serve it a 0 degrees and call it 'Touch of Frost'.

I might try and sell it through my shop. It will mean opening 24*7 though.

[Alf W]

The wife was watching one of those Secret Millionaire programmes and something caught my eye as a potential money spinner.

This group in Bristol had been set up to provide advice and support to 'workers in the sex trade'. It made the point that some of these ladies are at risk because they wander around with large amounts of cash on their person and they are often off it on smack anyway.

So, there's your answer. Mugging prostitutes. Easy cash. They're unlikely to go to the police either.