Reply to: The SY01 agony aunt thread

[Zippy]

Blimey it's busy on here tonight. Yes wingnut, the symptom you are experiencing is known as "letting the dobermans out", or a "sudden rush of black and tan towards the back gate". This is normal and nothing to worry about. Might I suggest a little less chilli sauce on the kebab?

Best of luck.

[suityou01]

Dear SY01

I regularly frequent the local hostelry and indulge in a few pints of the black stuff. The following morning I found that my movements are also black. Is this normal.

Many thanks

Wingnut

Blimey it's busy on here tonight. Yes wingnut, the symptom you are experiencing is known as "letting the dobermans out", or a "sudden rush of black and tan towards the back gate". This is normal and nothing to worry about. Might I suggest a little less chilli sauce on the kebab?

Best of luck.

[suityou01]

Dear Agony Aunt,

My brolly have really peed me off by not communicating their cutoff dates for expense claims for 2009/2010 properly.

So despite having already gone to permie-land the impact of brolly's actions will leave me in pain for months to come as I now have to document the full year's expenses again on the self assessment and identify which have been paid and not paid by said brolly.

Is there anything I can do to stop taking a brolly and beating it madly against the ground until it smashes into a 1000 pieces?

I can't find an emoticon for that.

PS anyone who chips in with 'just fill in a P87' can P87 off as its only valid if expenses do not exceed £2500.

Thanks for your problem.

If you are using brollys, you are probably into S&M. To satisfy this lust I can put you in touch with another poster, once they have recovered from their panic attack. They will smear jam on your balls and make you sit outside for a bit, but this is quite normal.

In the mean time, can I suggest offering a winding up order, and or small claims track? Just fill out the forms, and send a photocopy with a letter of intent. This should get things moving.

Best of luck.

[wingnut]

Guinness

Dear SY01

I regularly frequent the local hostelry and indulge in a few pints of the black stuff. The following morning I found that my movements are also black. Is this normal.

Many thanks

Wingnut

[MPwannadecentincome]

I am really peed off with my brolly

Dear Agony Aunt,

My brolly have really peed me off by not communicating their cutoff dates for expense claims for 2009/2010 properly.

So despite having already gone to permie-land the impact of brolly's actions will leave me in pain for months to come as I now have to document the full year's expenses again on the self assessment and identify which have been paid and not paid by said brolly.

Is there anything I can do to stop taking a brolly and beating it madly against the ground until it smashes into a 1000 pieces?

I can't find an emoticon for that.

PS anyone who chips in with 'just fill in a P87' can P87 off as its only valid if expenses do not exceed £2500.

[suityou01]

Those were the symptoms of a panic attack or maybe even a heart attack.

In which case can I suggest you write to

SY01s medical emergencies
PO BOX 9
LU1 9FU

and mark it as urgent.

HTH

[HairyArsedBloke]

Dear Agony Aunt,

As I type this my heart is raging. I am dizzy, light headed and I feel tingles all over. I am sweating and shaking. One moment I feel hot and the next I'm cold. I am filled with terror. I am having difficulty breathing; I just can't get enough air. I feel like I am about to die, am I going crazy?

Anxious,
HAB

Thanks for your problem HAB. The problem you are suffering from is fear of a labour landslide (or foll for short). This is quite natural and there are many many other sufferers out there. You are not alone

I suggest you drink four bottles of quality real ale, have some scratchings, and slam your head repeatedly in a door until the anxiety subsides. Then you will only have to worry about a blinding headache and which washing powder to use.

Could I add something please? HAB - you may be in love in which case SY01's advice still applies.

Those were the symptoms of a panic attack or maybe even a heart attack.

[suityou01]

Could I add something please? HAB - you may be in love in which case SY01's advice still applies.

I just reverted to my text books and apparently there is a more hollistic solution which may help. For acute FOLL one should smear jam on ones eyeballs, tape your eyelids open and sit outside and wait for a vicious wasp attack.

Best of luck.

[Zippy]

Thanks for your problem HAB. The problem you are suffering from is fear of a labour landslide (or foll for short). This is quite natural and there are many many other sufferers out there. You are not alone

I suggest you drink four bottles of quality real ale, have some scratchings, and slam your head repeatedly in a door until the anxiety subsides. Then you will only have to worry about a blinding headache and which washing powder to use.

Could I add something please? HAB - you may be in love in which case SY01's advice still applies.

[suityou01]

Dear Agony Aunt

Thank you for your recent reply. I have taken your advice.

I have two questions.

1. I now suffer from blinding headaches what should I take?
2. Having taken your advice I notice that it still has not completely solved the problem. The poster in question used to also suffer from a massive bedwetting problem but this has now manifested itself in an underwear defacation response to the words cage, fight or Swiss Army. What washing powder do you recommend?

Typically posters with this complex also suffer with an adverse reaction to the words "ebay" and "fluffy bunnies" so it's best not to use these terms.

As for the blinding headaches, do you also have an unsightly build up of muscle in one forearm? There may be a pattern here. You may also suffer from poor sight. You may also find yourself randomly parking in handicapped spaces and shouting randomly at passers by. For the next bout of door slamming, try removing the burberry cap first for maximum benefit.

Also make sure the door used is solid wood, and not the thin aluminium type used in your house on wheels. Why not venture outside the caravan park and see if any home owners could lend you a hard wood door for this purpose.

Wishing you all the best.

SY01

[suityou01]

Dear Agony Aunt,

As I type this my heart is raging. I am dizzy, light headed and I feel tingles all over. I am sweating and shaking. One moment I feel hot and the next I'm cold. I am filled with terror. I am having difficulty breathing; I just can't get enough air. I feel like I am about to die, am I going crazy?

Anxious,
HAB

Thanks for your problem HAB. The problem you are suffering from is fear of a labour landslide (or foll for short). This is quite natural and there are many many other sufferers out there. You are not alone

I suggest you drink four bottles of quality real ale, have some scratchings, and slam your head repeatedly in a door until the anxiety subsides. Then you will only have to worry about a blinding headache and which washing powder to use.

[MarillionFan]

Dear Agony Aunt

Thank you for your recent reply. I have taken your advice.

I have two questions.

1. I now suffer from blinding headaches what should I take?
2. Having taken your advice I notice that it still has not completely solved the problem. The poster in question used to also suffer from a massive bedwetting problem but this has now manifested itself in an underwear defacation response to the words cage, fight or Swiss Army. What washing powder do you recommend?

[d000hg]

Dear Agony Aunt,

As I type this my heart is raging. I am dizzy, light headed and I feel tingles all over. I am sweating and shaking. One moment I feel hot and the next I'm cold. I am filled with terror. I am having difficulty breathing; I just can't get enough air. I feel like I am about to die, am I going crazy?

Anxious,
HAB

Asperger rating: 36 - Paranoid Schizophrenic rating: 44%

[HairyArsedBloke]

Dear Agony Aunt,

As I type this my heart is raging. I am dizzy, light headed and I feel tingles all over. I am sweating and shaking. One moment I feel hot and the next I'm cold. I am filled with terror. I am having difficulty breathing; I just can't get enough air. I feel like I am about to die, am I going crazy?

Anxious,
HAB

[suityou01]

Does he also wet the bed?

Ahem, ex bedwetter thanks very much