Reply to: Have you had to ditch one of your mates?

[expat]

Did it revolve around jealousy?

I think where it has gone wrong for me with these people is that I'm visibly more successful than them and the jealousy eats them up, they can't contain it, they have to let go and throw abuse or digs.

I guess in one's student days everyone is on the same level. As life moves on, some get richer, some don't. Some get nice looking women, some don't. This breeds jealousy in some.

I'm sure it does in some, and if you have identified it right, you don't need them. But it may not be one-sided?

As for jealousy, a very old and close friend of mine died recently. He took a different path all his life, and never made so much money, but did a lot of useful (and other) things. I don't think he was ever jealous of how I made more money; but I was jealous at how crowded his funeral service was and how much of a positive effect he had obviously had on various spheres of private, local, national and cultural life. You won't get so many people at my funeral.

But a deeper understanding comes with age and I suspect that you are young. Just be sure that it is more worth you dumping those "friends" than it is worth their dumping you.

[OwlHoot]

Jeez, I even had teachers at infant school who, when I look back, were jealous.

Priceless - I hope someone is collecting these

[threaded]

Did it revolve around jealousy?

I think where it has gone wrong for me with these people is that I'm visibly more successful than them and the jealousy eats them up, they can't contain it, they have to let go and throw abuse or digs.

I guess in one's student days everyone is on the same level. As life moves on, some get richer, some don't. Some get nice looking women, some don't. This breeds jealousy in some.

I've had fellow students jealous of my abilities. Jeez, I even had teachers at infant school who, when I look back, were jealous.

Don't fuss it.

[contractor79]

Done it twice... both times the same "friend" was involved.
Time hadn't mellowed him out in the break, in fact he was even more of a knob the second time

Did it revolve around jealousy?

I think where it has gone wrong for me with these people is that I'm visibly more successful than them and the jealousy eats them up, they can't contain it, they have to let go and throw abuse or digs.

I guess in one's student days everyone is on the same level. As life moves on, some get richer, some don't. Some get nice looking women, some don't. This breeds jealousy in some.

[Spacecadet]

Done it twice... both times the same "friend" was involved.
Time hadn't mellowed him out in the break, in fact he was even more of a knob the second time

[contractor79]

c79 you are a complete tool and should be grateful for any "friends" that you have.

I suggest you don't ditch him, but instead pray for him. Make sure that you tell him you're praying for him though.

go away troll

[Ravello]

c79 you are a complete tool and should be grateful for any "friends" that you have.

I suggest you don't ditch him, but instead pray for him. Make sure that you tell him you're praying for him though.

[Swati]

I thought that Shane Warnes comments in the past have been very reprehensible in my opinion and I think he has brought the game into disrepute. Hs comments in particular about Murali were very bbad in my opinion and he might just as well have said he was a cheat. This is not in the spirit of the game and I wanted him to be banned for a period in order to serve as a punishments for this willunry. And this coming from and Indian too! Well I can tell you I lost a coupole of friends when this opinion I expressed to some others of my chums a few years ago.

[contractor79]

Life is too short to waste time being friends with nobbers. I've ditched a couple of old 'friends' because, in the end, I realised they were a waste of space.

Move on and forget.

Increasingly I agree with you. There's only so much effort I make these days until I think I can't be bothered anymore.

Facebook is part of the blame. I see people posting certain opinions, or insulting people with my opinions as -ist -phobes etc. and I'm pretty sure these are indirect attacks on me. Then they pretend to be friendly whilst clearly they have no respect at all for people who think like me. Why bother going for a few pints with them?

But the women thing is even worse. I would NEVER be negative about a woman who a friend of mine was keen on, or had a chance with. It's common sense really. Even if I thought she was a bit of a dog or her bum was too big or whatever... I could never retract those comments and my mate could end up marrying her and would never ever forget my negative comments. People like that are not friends, in my view.

Deep down though it's down to jealousy on their part. After I got myself a nice flat and nice car whilst they had neither... I saw some people's attitudes towards me change. More snide little comments in real life or on facebook, almost like they're trying to take me down a peg or two. Can't be arsed with any of that.

[expat]

...
Increasingly it appears i meet up with these people only for the random chance that i had the fortune/misfortune(?) of getting drunk with them in uni when i was far more open-minded and easy going .

Also i suspect there is derision at play since i have acquired a fast car and a nice flat and think that makes me a better person...
Why can't i just accept them for who they are?

ftfy

[swamp]

Life is too short to waste time being friends with nobbers. I've ditched a couple of old 'friends' because, in the end, I realised they were a waste of space.

Move on and forget.

[threaded]

Also I suspect there is jealousy at play since I have acquired a fast car and a nice flat whilst they have neither. And this friend, just like the previous 'friend' that I ditched, make instant disapproving comments of any attractive woman that I've started seeing (despite the fact they go out with dogs).

Jealousy is terrible. Boy have I been on the receiving end of that. Just look at the grief I get from certain people on this site: they look me up on the web, my homes on Google maps, do virtual drive bys, discover they're working for one of my Plan Bs and get all arsey. Yet instead of getting off their bum and working as hard, they make snide comments.

So I pray for them, and post occasional videos on YouTube :-)

Just remember if your life goes tits-up you'll have made them happy. And increasing the happiness in the world is a good thing is it not?

[northernladuk]

That's right, adding someone to facebook automatically makes them your 'friend' nowadays

[contractor79]

Delete them from your facebook and stop replying to texts. Move on. These 'friends' are being kn0bs and not acting as friends should.

(A year or so a go, a few old friends from work and school started trying to get in touch with everyone they knew at school/uni/work. It made me realise that times change and I don't want these people as friends again, having not seen most of them for 10-20 years)

thanks, glad someone knows what I mean here

As I said, I've only ever once ditched someone who used to be my 'friend', had to block his mobile, email etc. as I was getting abusive messages in the end as I wasn't replying.

Funnily enough, when I think back, he went awol and jealous after I finally revealed to him what my daily rate was. Not straight away but the abuse and personal attacks, arsy comments etc. surely followed.

[MarillionFan]

I have already ditched one university friend who became similarly obnoxious, sending arsy emails and texts from a distance as he disapproved of conservative political-religious opinions that I'm quite entitled to hold.

Basically, I feel that I am increasingly unable to describe people who hold completely diametrically opposed views, and don't respect my opinion or that the reasons behind them are valid, as friends.

I resent being patronised by such people about my views almost like they don't think I have thought anything through.
.

Ahhhhh! Has the iggle wiggle little man got all upset cause someone patronised him, ahhhh, iggle wiggle bedwetter does'nt like being told his views don't matter, ahhhh, boo hoo, boo hoo, my friends don't like me. Ahhh. Cuggle, wuggle, little man. Ahhh.