Reply to: How to get out of contracting?

[cojak]

Have you worked at <taken out with hindsight> Water Services too? Notices on all the staircases about proper use of stairs?

I thought it was a spoof when I saw the first one.

I got told off for being on the wrong side of the stairs when carrying loads of material up to a presentation. The empty-handed twat coming down refused to get out of my way and threatened me with reporting me to HR.

It's handy not having a Personnel record. Some people NEED to be told they are fckwits.

Oh no, a government quango - they're all the same though...

I was highly sarcastic when I thanked them - and then pointed out that there's probably more germs on the handrail than a toilet bowl and asked them their thoughts on Swine Flu.

That made their eyes spin...

[RichardCranium]

To: D Styles
From: H&S Executive

Subject: Improper use of stair handrail.

Have you worked at <taken out with hindsight> Water Services too? Notices on all the staircases about proper use of stairs?

I thought it was a spoof when I saw the first one.

I got told off for being on the wrong side of the stairs when carrying loads of material up to a presentation. The empty-handed twat coming down refused to get out of my way and threatened me with reporting me to HR.

It's handy not having a Personnel record. Some people NEED to be told they are fckwits.

[cojak]

To: D Styles
From: H&S Executive

Subject: Improper use of stair handrail.

Doggie,

It has come to our notice that on Friday of last week you were not using the stair handrail as per instructions in the Mobility handbook.

If you have difficulty reading the the handbook or would like a demonstration, we will be happy to show you the correct way to ascend and descend the stairs.

Regards,

H&S

Remember – there is no such thing as an ‘accident’!

[RichardCranium]

Dear Mr Styles

Due to this development we shall no longer be requiring your services and your employment will be terminated within 4 weeks.

4 weeks to steal the stationery cupboard's contents AND its re-stocking.

4 weeks to make "an off-site backup copy" of every bit of software they have.

4 weeks to send out LinkedIn updates and drop off business cards.

4 weeks to phone agents during ClientCo's time.

4 weeks to see how much totty you can pull.

4 weeks to learn new skills using ClientCo's live systems and resources as a testbed.

4 weeks of peeing in the kettle and putting decaff in the coffee machine.

Only 4 weeks, eh? How fast they will pass.

[EternalOptimist]

Blackened biker is right, its all about balance.

bank balance

[BlackenedBiker]

All work is contract based it is just some contracts have a non-defined end date.

With this in mind please allow me to share my experience with contract burn-out.

I got married 20 months ago. In the 2 years prior to the big day I worked my socks off. I had 12 days off (inc. Christmas). I chose this workload, as I wanted to pay off as much of my mortgage as possible before we got married. Whatismore I had to pay for a 2 month tours of the southern hemisphere and half of a wedding.

I put myself under a lot of pressure.

After the wedding I would have happily become a llama farmer in Wales. Anything but IT contracting I was burnt out, and I blamed IT contracting for my state of mind.

In the end I took a 3 month sabbatical to consider my options. I allowed myself to get bored/interested in out of work activities. I allowed myself to miss being involved in project work.

Since that time I have loved contracting again. I am working towards becoming a pucker business and I relish my work and doing as well as I can. However, I also make sure I am in balance, I work out, I get involved in my hobbies outside of work. This ensures that I am energised to work.

So my prescription is give yourself a break, avail yourself of the benefits of contract work and be kind to yourself and your family.

Obviously, this should be based on your financial ability to do so. If you are not financially able to give yourself a holiday then either you are not good with money or you are not undertaking contracts with sufficient remuneration to justify the effort. If the latter is the case then you really must question whether IT contracting is the career route for you.

HTH and good luck

[Mich the Tester]

Dear Mr Styles

We at YouremployerCo are committed to encouraging diversity in our workplaces as a means to developing synergies in our integrated human productivity systems. Our Human Resources department have drawn up a set of KPIs for your team to meet. Unfortunately your team has not achieved the KPIs for ethnic diversity, despite several warnings, and now it has become a priority for Management to take action so as to ensure greater diversity going forward. It has become industry standard practice to realign supplier and employee relationships to ensure the continual improvement of processes, and to this end your team’s responsibilities are to be phased out and transferred to our offshore suppliers, B Shawadiwadi and Co Inc.

Due to this development we shall no longer be requiring your services and your employment will be terminated within 4 weeks. In the mean time, we trust that you shall continue executing your duties in a positive and professional manner, always putting our customers first.

Due to the large number of terminations this month we request that all employees bring suitable boxes from home so as to tidy up personal possessions at short notice and avoid unnecessary delays in our customer facing processes.

Kind Regards

A N Amoral-Shytte MBA
Director of Human Resources

[EternalOptimist]

We dont mean to be judgemental Mr Styles, but you were overheard this morning asking for a black coffee. We pride ourselves on being a non-discriminatory organisation and would like you to sign this form agreeing not to use hurtful and racist terms in the future

and stop staring at the birds in HR, its sexist and could be construed as harrassment

[Mich the Tester]

Permiedom is what awaits the ex-contractor.

You get a steady wage every month, free pension contributions, and you haven't got to worry about IR35, S660, or any of that sh*t.

You don't have to pay for training, or business insurance, or an accountant.

You might get a car, private health insurance, and membership of the local gym.

You get paid time off if you aren't well (or just fancy a day off), five or six weeks paid holiday a year, and a few grand in your pocket if they make you redundant.

You get paid days off if it snows, paid weeks off if your wife has a baby, and paid months off if your back develops a bit of an ache due to having to sit at a computer a work.

You don't have the stress of chasing work every few months, or even do much work, and you'll turn into Wilmslow.

So, what do you reckon?

Shall we make an appointment for your annual HR appraisal Mr DS? We’d like you to fill in this form first just to see how you feel you’re matching up to your KPIs and which areas you’d like to discuss with us; in your own time please.

[stingman123]

Take a break, preferbly a long one, try to enjoy the fruits of your labour and appreciate all the benchwarmers waiting for a chance.

[ratewhore]

Permiedom is what awaits the ex-contractor.

Only those with no imagination...

[rootsnall]

Permiedom is what awaits the ex-contractor.

You get a steady wage every month, free pension contributions, and you haven't got to worry about IR35, S660, or any of that sh*t.

You don't have to pay for training, or business insurance, or an accountant.

You might get a car, private health insurance, and membership of the local gym.

You get paid time off if you aren't well (or just fancy a day off), five or six weeks paid holiday a year, and a few grand in your pocket if they make you redundant.

You get paid days off if it snows, paid weeks off if your wife has a baby, and paid months off if your back develops a bit of an ache due to having to sit at a computer a work.

You don't have the stress of chasing work every few months, or even do much work, and you'll turn into Wilmslow.

So, what do you reckon?

Yes, but you've got to turn up and do this tulip week in and week out.

[singhr]

You wont get many tips here, all the successful escapees no long post here.

[Doggy Styles]

Permiedom is what awaits the ex-contractor.

You get a steady wage every month, free pension contributions, and you haven't got to worry about IR35, S660, or any of that sh*t.

You don't have to pay for training, or business insurance, or an accountant.

You might get a car, private health insurance, and membership of the local gym.

You get paid time off if you aren't well (or just fancy a day off), five or six weeks paid holiday a year, and a few grand in your pocket if they make you redundant.

You get paid days off if it snows, paid weeks off if your wife has a baby, and paid months off if your back develops a bit of an ache due to having to sit at a computer a work.

You don't have the stress of chasing work every few months, or even do much work, and you'll turn into Wilmslow.

So, what do you reckon?

[scooterscot]

I'd go to the green hills of Munnar and write and write about my interests... explore my ideas.