Reply to: Good insult.

[Grinder]

Here's one: "man bitch"

[wobbegong]

Some classics from school...

Your Mum's so old she farts dust....

In a similar vein; Your Mum's so old her fanny's haunted.

[swamp]

My favourite put down is simply:

Jog on.

[Drewster]

Not a ladylike response I know but a satisfying one...

I have always found it satisfying to get a lady to respond............

Or possibly more true unusual

Or [back on topic]:
Drewster: <Strolls over to GYL at party> Hello... Would you do me the honour of consenting to dance with me (or words to that effect)
GYL: ... and then I said... and she said.... and it was huge... and she said....
Drewster: Errrr scuse me <cough> Would you like to dance?
GYL: ... and then he said.... cop this big boy... then she said... up the back...
Drewster: Errrrrrrrrr Scu.....
GYL: Would you just F'ck off!!! I am talking!
Drewster: <Strolls back to mates trying to look cool>

[cojak]

I was very drunk at a mates party and wanted to dance (..how unusual! ).

I noticed one chap standing and boogied on over to him and said "wanna dance?" and started wobbling around..

An irate woman appeared and said "you can't dance with him, he's mine" - to which I looked at her like she was mad and replied "I wanted to dance with him, not f**k him - but not that much" and wandered off..

Not a ladylike response I know but a satisfying one...

A few years later the woman came up to me at another party and admitted that the bloke had signalled her to rescue him from me, but realised later that I was harmless to him and he wasn't worth the humiliation...

[Halo Jones]

More of a put down than an insult: BBG held a door open for some girley & she said
"I hope you did not do that because I am a woman"
his reply
"No I did it because I am a gentleman"

[The Lone Gunman]

Google up John Cooper Clarks poem "Twat"

[cojak]

The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears

Judging by the old saying, "What you don't know can't hurt you," he's practically invulnerable.

Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

[snaw]

Heard another couple of crackers:

She smells like an alkies carpet

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab

[NotAllThere]

Not original but this one takes the prize for sheer venomous flaming.

You are a vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer on the lips than be seen with you. You are a fiend, a sniveling, spinless coward...

That's the one I was thinking of!

I believe the original didn't have that last paragraph, but ended: "And you're boring, Louie".

[Mat7777]

Does your mouth bleed once a month ?
Cos your talking like a ****

[darmstadt]

Free beer for insults

[PerlOfWisdom]

After working with you for the last 10 years, I've come to regard you as someone I met.

[EternalOptimist]

An empty taxi pulled up in front of no 10 Downing street , and Alistair Darling got out.


You have a face like a twisted f@rt


Your face has the look of a kicked-in f@nny


May your bollocks turn to cubes, and fester at the corners

[Menelaus]

I like the one from Rowan Atkinson's wedding speech - I wouldn't trust him to sit the right way round on a lavatory seat.

Or there's the old political one (you think things are bad now)

When they circumcised him, they threw the wrong bit away

In my wedding speech I actually took a line from that and in a fit of gluttony asked for three toasts in one; first to the caterers, second to my bride and third (trad.) to the bridesmaids.