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Previously on "I am definately going to Hell"

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  • hyperD
    replied
    My wife had one of those widening operations on her sinuses and ever since then her sense of smell is frightening.

    Personally I think the surgeon actually grafted a fecking bloodhound's nose on her because she can pick up traces of a fart I let rip in 1976.

    No rest for the intestinally challenged...

    Leave a comment:


  • DiscoStu
    replied
    Originally posted by EternalOptimist View Post
    I can do the two mile round trip in under an hour, plus pick up a buttie or chips with curry sauce If I am in the mood.



    I believe I've identified the problem!

    Leave a comment:


  • Pondlife
    replied
    Originally posted by EternalOptimist View Post
    I can do the two mile round trip in under an hour, plus pick up a buttie or chips with curry sauce If I am in the mood.



    It's a bit like your very own circle of life.

    Leave a comment:


  • EternalOptimist
    replied
    Originally posted by d000hg View Post
    How many hours a day do you spend travelling between work and the toilet? Do you save the walk for your lunch-break or randomly disappear for 40min every now and then?
    I can do the two mile round trip in under an hour, plus pick up a buttie or chips with curry sauce If I am in the mood.



    Leave a comment:


  • DiscoStu
    replied
    Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
    Do you know a girl with no sense of taste for atw?
    Possibly, but I don't think she'd be up for dressing in a squirrel costume.

    Leave a comment:


  • BrilloPad
    replied
    Originally posted by DiscoStu View Post
    I once went out with a girl who had no sense of smell, happy days
    Do you know a girl with no sense of taste for atw?

    Leave a comment:


  • DiscoStu
    replied
    I once went out with a girl who had no sense of smell, happy days

    Leave a comment:


  • d000hg
    replied
    How many hours a day do you spend travelling between work and the toilet? Do you save the walk for your lunch-break or randomly disappear for 40min every now and then?

    Leave a comment:


  • minestrone
    replied
    During the dot com days I worked in a small office which was basically a lockup that had been sheeted, painted and carpeted. Any noise from the toilet could be heard through the whole place, it would have been OK if the place was filled with blokes but there were a few pretty young new media type girls working with us. Drop a stinker and the whole place was reeking.

    Pretty much every day I used to head down to the KFC at 11 to soil the freshly cleaned facilities.

    Leave a comment:


  • Pogle
    replied
    Oh God don't start me on embarrassing loo noises & associated smells!
    I have ulcerative colitis and when it's active the stench could make the Mona Lisa's eyes water.
    Not content with stinking the place out I have a symphony of wind to accompany every movement - and there are LOTS of movements
    It can be really really embarrasing, so I feel your pain

    Leave a comment:


  • EternalOptimist
    replied
    Originally posted by Solidec View Post
    What the hell do you eat everyday?


    My body is a temple, it's also a highly refined beer and curry and kebab processing plant. Show me the man whose poo doesn't pong a bit and I will show you somone who uses too much glade.




    Leave a comment:


  • Solidec
    replied
    What the hell do you eat everyday?

    Leave a comment:


  • EternalOptimist
    replied
    Originally posted by BrilloPad View Post
    Are your bodily functions that offensive?
    weapons grade

    Leave a comment:


  • BrilloPad
    replied
    Originally posted by EternalOptimist View Post
    OK. I cant use the bog in the office because the office is so small, it would be embarrasing.
    Are your bodily functions that offensive?

    Leave a comment:


  • EternalOptimist
    started a topic I am definately going to Hell

    I am definately going to Hell

    I feel bad about this, didn't want to mention it, but Wobegongs thread has shamed me.....


    OK. I cant use the bog in the office because the office is so small, it would be embarrasing. My solution is to walk down into Hale, a mile away, and use the facilities in the public library.
    So there I was yesterday, in this tiny cubicle, straining for England. Someone comes down the corridor. Being born in a civilised part of the world, Bootle, I know my manners. So I cough.

    The door to the gents opens, bugger, I cough again, louder.

    There is a rustling and a-fussing and a-knocking, bugger , COUGH

    The door goes, but the latch holds. WTF.

    'Is there anyone in there ?' , COUGH


    Door goes again, couldnt be bothered coughing
    Door goes again, 'Is there anyone IN there?' <aggresive tone of elderly gent?

    'YES, the guy who's been coughing' <me, slightly angry>

    'Oh , sorry but I'm blind' <still aggressive>
    'Deaf as well'



    come to think of it, his sense of smell needs looking at too




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