Reply to: A spot of female logic

[Ardesco]

I’ve been trying to explain how thermostats work for years, I still keep finding them turned up to maximum because according to her this will heat the rooms faster.

I continually have that exact same argument with my wife every year as winter starts to bear its fangs

I than have the opposite argument with the mother in law in summer when she tries to tell me to turn the boiler off because we are wasting money heating the house when it's sunny. She just can't understand that the heating doesn't come on because it doesn't get cold enough despite me getting her to touch every radiator to confim that they are off

[gingerjedi]

The Offside Rule explained to a Woman

You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also & is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, “whilst it is in flight” you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has “actually been thrown”, it would be plain wrong to be in front of the other shopper!

Cut 'n' pasted for general distribution.

[BoredBloke]

We have a guy in at the moment tiling our kitchen floor. My wife said to me this morning that he'll do the utility room if I clear it out. That means get the washer, dryer and fridge freezer out of it. Now consider that it was 7:30am when she told me, rather than last night and I was about to head off to work.

[Diver]

Decorating spare room for some Christmas guests.

Wife was painting skirting boards where I had carefully put masking tape all along the edge of the fitted carpet. Afterwards she started removing the tape.

Me: You haven't done right to the bottom edge in a lot of places, I can still see green.

Missus: That's ok, we can touch those bits up later.

[RandyW]

I wish you'd send that to some of the linesmen we get.

A nice idea, but you wouldn't want to confuse them with the concept of exchanging money for goods or services. Their brains might not be able to cope.

[wendigo100]

The Offside Rule explained to a Woman

You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also & is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, “whilst it is in flight” you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has “actually been thrown”, it would be plain wrong to be in front of the other shopper!

I wish you'd send that to some of the linesmen we get.

[NickFitz]

'Wimin' may have inferior logic but according to my wife they can multitask

Correct - they are able to believe they can multitask and be wrong at the same time.

[chef]

The Offside Rule explained to a Woman

You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also & is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, “whilst it is in flight” you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has “actually been thrown”, it would be plain wrong to be in front of the other shopper!

[gingerjedi]

You need a better system, something more direct that a female mind can comprehend, such as putting the following pictures on the thermostat:

A picture of a luxurious Maldives holiday at the 15°C marker

A picture of a holiday in Costa del Sol with a basket of chicken n chips at the 21°C marker

A picture of a carvan in Bognor with a plate of tripe at the maximum marker

I like your idea however... since she's taking a year off to bring up our little darling the caravan pic will be the only incentive so I'll stick that at 15°C with a pic of some dirty faced homeless people only slightly further round.

[TimberWolf]

Funniest thread in a long time - keep 'em coming...

Women refer to them as tampons, not “funny thread”. Obviously they are stuck up cnuts.

[Ruprect]

Funniest thread in a long time - keep 'em coming...

[BoredBloke]

'Wimin' may have inferior logic but according to my wife they can multitask which men apparently can't.

I'm happy to let the misses believe that for as long as she likes.

again I have pointed out to her that I like to do one good job instead of 2 half @rsed ones - which I have to fix anyway.

[EternalOptimist]

if woman can multitask

how come my missus cant have a headache and give me a BJ at the same time ?

[hyperD]

I’ve been trying to explain how thermostats work for years, I still keep finding them turned up to maximum because according to her this will heat the rooms faster.

You need a better system, something more direct that a female mind can comprehend, such as putting the following pictures on the thermostat:

A picture of a luxurious Maldives holiday at the 15°C marker

A picture of a holiday in Costa del Sol with a basket of chicken n chips at the 21°C marker

A picture of a carvan in Bognor with a plate of tripe at the maximum marker

[Zorba]

Churchill - In "Satanta" mode!

Sounds like a fusion of the Devil and the AlternativetoSkySportsalsoavailableonFreeview.