Reply to: Contractor - unexpectantly pregnant

[vetran]

Some people see a house of a large size in an area they want to live and think well we can just about afford that, so buy it. They then have children and have to pay for childcare...

Because successive governments have upped immigration and decreased house building so any vaguely decent is house is so expensive you can only afford it if you sell your first born (or so Mrs ASS senior & NLyUK tell me).

[SueEllen]

At least the mal-nourished child will have a good school to trudge to.

Better than having an obese poorly educated kid.

[Lance]

Some people see a house of a large size in an area they want to live and think well we can just about afford that, so buy it. They then have children and have to pay for childcare...

At least the mal-nourished child will have a good school to trudge to.

[SueEllen]

question: why is the mortgage so huge, what was the reason, big eyes,
future planning ?

why not a more manageable mortgage and better quality of sleep ?

Some people see a house of a large size in an area they want to live and think well we can just about afford that, so buy it. They then have children and have to pay for childcare...

[milanbenes]

yes you're right

read the whole thread and actually, not an easy situation

all I can say is, best of luck and hope the best comes from it

question: why is the mortgage so huge, what was the reason, big eyes,
future planning ?

why not a more manageable mortgage and better quality of sleep ?

Milan.

[SueEllen]

Lads,

can you help me here, I am puzzled with this one,

how can a Contractor become pregnant ?

Milan.

You seem unaware that some contractors are cis-female and trans-male, so can get pregnant if they play around with a cis-male or trans-female*?

*OK I missed some genders out but don't shoot me.

[milanbenes]

nice try luv but it still doesn't work does it

milk and sugar please

Milan.

[northernladyuk]

Lads,

can you help me here, I am puzzled with this one,

how can a Contractor become pregnant ?

Milan.

By sleeping with your Mum.

[BrilloPad]

A contractor mostly gets screwed by their agent......

[milanbenes]

Lads,

can you help me here, I am puzzled with this one,

how can a Contractor become pregnant ?

Milan.

[Hairlocks]

Option one: Get with the programme and realise you're having a child - career is on hold for some time, potentially for both partners. I don't feel you quite realise the magnitude entailed in having a child.

I have skimread the existing replies and haven't seen this mentioned: up to 10 weeks a 'simple' abortion (non-surgical) is possible. I am mentioning this purely to ensure you are aware that it is an option if you would prefer to wait a couple of years before having children. The risks are extremely low at so early a stage. The female friends I know who have had this method mentioned they do not regret it, safe in the knowledge they weren't ready. For most the 'accident' was with a long term partner; so it wasn't taken likely.

I don't think both partners can commute such a distance and also provide a healthy upbringing for a child, as is echoed by the majority of comments so far. Take heed of the message from recent parents who have highlighted the numerous illnesses and sick days required, likely for all three of you.

Your life is about to change enormously - are you ready for that change? It's 2017, you have options, please consider what you want carefully and wisely before jumping into parenthood. There is all the time you need for parenting.

For me: from the little you have mentioned, I cannot tell if you are keen to have a child yet. The commute sounds unviable and you haven't been able to plan a progressive career around the child. Don't take the permie gig. Children are sick for the first few ears of their life and so will you; the kids shrug it off whilst you wonder why you feel down every fortnight for a few days or more. Kudos to the honest parent posts so far.

I agree will all of this apart from "Don't take the permie gig." My advice is to take the permie gig, go on maternity at the last moment you are comfortable with. You will not get any pay, but then neither will you as a contractor. The benefit of taking the job if they have to offer you an equivalent up to 12 months, but you can always hand in you notice just before the 12 months is up complying with you contracted notice period.( You may get holiday accrued in this time)

You definitely need to talk to your husband about it. Our 2 children where planned, and it was planned for my wife to give up work, we don't know how other parents manage when they both work. For the first few years I had an understand employer and worked close to home. I had to take an afternoon off at one point with no notice, and my wife needed some sleep urgently, and couldn't cope any longer.

I have just started a new contract with a very long commute, but wonder if I am putting money too far above family life, as I only really get home in time just to go to bed and the children are still quite young

[SueEllen]

Back on topic -OP you need to have a serious talk with your partner. Otherwise you will end up resentful and then divorced.

[SueEllen]

possibly now his wife has sussed him

He has an interesting take on things and without him we would be enjoying "Ever closer union" with Drunker without a vote, now if you think that is a good thing then fine. I don't!

No we wouldn't.

While the current lot are largely useless there are those with views and a few with clout like Thatcher - give us rebates and an opt-out - and Brown - of the right economic tests - who would have ensured it wouldn't happen.

For some reason lots of Brexiters think all Europhiles in parliament are all in without thinking. They are not. They just know how to ask for things without winding the other 27 up unlike Camoron.

[vetran]

Nigel is a tosser.

possibly now his wife has sussed him

He has an interesting take on things and without him we would be enjoying "Ever closer union" with Drunker without a vote, now if you think that is a good thing then fine. I don't!

[contractorinatractor]

I am un-expectantly pregnant (9.5 weeks) and have in the past 5 weeks started a new contract with an ex-boss of mine. We have a very good relationship and I can influence him if needed so providing I am well prepared it could make all the difference.
The contract runs until the end of Jan 2018. I knew from the outset he wanted me to join fulltime. Fulltime is also the preference of the Senior Director who he reports into. The ‘urgent’ project I was brought in to manage has been postponed by 6 months. They will honour my contract but next week he wants to start discussing going full time.
My daily rate is £600 and I would likely achieve £85k plus 40% bonus, car etc… Simply put – more expensive to have me on the books.
He really wants me to join but now I’m pregnant I have no idea what to do...or how to manage the conversation.
Financially I need to work up to as close to my due date.
I would like to work here full time but this changes things.

Some other considerations:
Commute door to door is 80 mins one way. Do-able but with a baby if there are delays I will have issues
There will be a requirement for international travel
My husband’s job is not flexible to allow for baby day care drop offs and pick-ups so I require flexibility

The meeting is next week to discuss. Any advice welcome!!!!

Option one: Get with the programme and realise you're having a child - career is on hold for some time, potentially for both partners. I don't feel you quite realise the magnitude entailed in having a child.

I have skimread the existing replies and haven't seen this mentioned: up to 10 weeks a 'simple' abortion (non-surgical) is possible. I am mentioning this purely to ensure you are aware that it is an option if you would prefer to wait a couple of years before having children. The risks are extremely low at so early a stage. The female friends I know who have had this method mentioned they do not regret it, safe in the knowledge they weren't ready. For most the 'accident' was with a long term partner; so it wasn't taken likely.

I don't think both partners can commute such a distance and also provide a healthy upbringing for a child, as is echoed by the majority of comments so far. Take heed of the message from recent parents who have highlighted the numerous illnesses and sick days required, likely for all three of you.

Your life is about to change enormously - are you ready for that change? It's 2017, you have options, please consider what you want carefully and wisely before jumping into parenthood. There is all the time you need for parenting.

For me: from the little you have mentioned, I cannot tell if you are keen to have a child yet. The commute sounds unviable and you haven't been able to plan a progressive career around the child. Don't take the permie gig. Children are sick for the first few ears of their life and so will you; the kids shrug it off whilst you wonder why you feel down every fortnight for a few days or more. Kudos to the honest parent posts so far.