Reply to: THE worst first date ever

[vetran]

Luckily the Beeb is on it

BBC writes Tinder date poo story in Pidgin | Daily Mail Online

Did you hear about the woman wan troway poo-poo? How the BBC's licence fee-funded PIDGIN website gives the news a very distinctive African flavour
BBC News website is written in Pidgin for West African audiences from Nigeria
The worst Tinder date story has been translated into the dialect for the website
The headline is 'Woman wan troway poo-poo, come trap for window'

Damn I'm glad I'm funding this!


https://www.bbc.com/pidgin/tori-41171196

Woman wey take her hand, pack her poo-poo comot di toilet of man wey she dey friend because ''e no gree flush'' enter trouble, after she go try collect di poo-poo back.
The woman wey dey learn gymnastics, just start to waka with Bristol student, Liam Smith, for di first time, when she take fear troway di poo-poo comot for window.
Instead make di thing land for garden, di poo-poo come jam between two windows wey no dey open wide.
Di lady decide to carry her thing back; she use head enter the small space wey di poo-poo bin dey, but na so she come trap for there, and trouble start.
Mr Smith say im no get choice but to call fire service make dem help remove di girl, along with her poo-poo.
Now, im don dey try raise money to repair di windows wey break, so e write all di tori for inside one University of Bristol crowd funding page.

[SimonMac]

https://www.gofundme.com/9wvxt9-replacement-window

[Hobosapien]

Got to be one of the most embarrassing reasons for calling out the fire brigade.

Though I remember a story going around at college about a student getting a bj from his girlfriend, got his foreskin stuck in her teeth brace and had to call out the fire brigade.

[Platypus]

Honest to god, that's a true story from start to finish.

And the winner is ........

[mattfx]

indeed - that was total hurl blow chunks

That Emoticon is preeeetttyyyyy accurate. It would've been almost acceptable if she had just thrown the damn ladel away with the tulip....

[BlasterBates]

Do tube train windows count?

absolutely....

and.... ?

[scooterscot]

I feel like CUK invented an emoticon just for this...

indeed - that was total hurl blow chunks

[fullyautomatix]

My sister called me up at 9.27 on a Sunday morning once, about 5 years ago, she was hungover. She'd stayed at a family friends house and they had since gone to work. She decided to use the facilities and relieve some of her hungover state by emptying her bowels into their porcelain.

Unfortunately for her, the shrine which she had picked (there were 2 in the house, typical) wouldn't flush. I guided her through a few troubleshooting tips, made some suggestions, but clearly, nothing was happening. What made my eyebrows raise and hairs stand on end however were the words that followed all the failed steps... "Don't worry bruv, i've fixed it!" - My sister is not renowned for her DIY skills.

30 minutes later I hear a knock on our door and she turns up with a Tesco bag in her hand, holding it out as far in front of her as possible... Clearly, she had gone with the "manual removal method" to clear our good friends lavatory out, and the offending item went into the bin. When I asked her how she had removed the offensive item from the toilet, she simply said "I found the biggest LADEL I could, fished it out, and that was that" ......

..... 6 months later she told me what happened to the ladel; she detolled it, washed it, dried it, and put it back with the other utensils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never had the heart to explain the story to our family friend, but haven't been over for dinner since......

Honest to god, that's a true story from start to finish.

I feel like CUK invented an emoticon just for this...

[scooterscot]

This is one of those rare occasions when you make perfect sense.

ditto

[barrydidit]

gardyloo (Scotland, obsolete)

This is one of those rare occasions when you make perfect sense.

[scooterscot]

gardyloo

"Interjection. gardyloo. (Scotland, obsolete) Used by servants in medieval Scotland to warn passers-by of waste about to be thrown from a window into the street below. The term was still in use as late as the 1930s and 1940s, when many people had no indoor toilets."

[tiggat]

thats brexit britain for you

[mattfx]

My sister called me up at 9.27 on a Sunday morning once, about 5 years ago, she was hungover. She'd stayed at a family friends house and they had since gone to work. She decided to use the facilities and relieve some of her hungover state by emptying her bowels into their porcelain.

Unfortunately for her, the shrine which she had picked (there were 2 in the house, typical) wouldn't flush. I guided her through a few troubleshooting tips, made some suggestions, but clearly, nothing was happening. What made my eyebrows raise and hairs stand on end however were the words that followed all the failed steps... "Don't worry bruv, i've fixed it!" - My sister is not renowned for her DIY skills.

30 minutes later I hear a knock on our door and she turns up with a Tesco bag in her hand, holding it out as far in front of her as possible... Clearly, she had gone with the "manual removal method" to clear our good friends lavatory out, and the offending item went into the bin. When I asked her how she had removed the offensive item from the toilet, she simply said "I found the biggest LADEL I could, fished it out, and that was that" ......

..... 6 months later she told me what happened to the ladel; she detolled it, washed it, dried it, and put it back with the other utensils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never had the heart to explain the story to our family friend, but haven't been over for dinner since......

Honest to god, that's a true story from start to finish.

[SueEllen]

Nandos is an acceptable venue for a date?

Only if you are under 25.

[deebeegee]

doubt they'd be stupid enough to go so far as to make a fake call to the fire service

https://www.gofundme.com/9wvxt9-replacement-window

according to their (well humoured and now well funded) gofundme page the excess cash will go to two charities - one for bringing flush toliets to the developing world and the rest to the fire service