Reply to: Inane Discussions with Agents and answers you'd love to give

[Eirikur]

pimp: Hi Eirikur I've got your cv in front of me and i think I have a fantastic role for you
Me: ok
pimp: So where was your last role?
Me: you have my cv in front of you

[psychocandy]

Agent: Got cracking perm role close to home.
Me: Perm? Dont really do that. Go on -how much?
Agent: upt o £35K. Its really good for wales.
Me: No thanks - I'll stick to contracting.
Agent: Why? You won't get better than that for perm in wales.
Me: <sigh>

[Ramrod]

I had a call on Friday, I'd already had my planned early finish scuppered so wasn't in the mood to play nice...

Pimp - "Hi Ramrod, it's been a while (I don't recall ever speaking to this one before) what are you up to at the minute, are you working?"

Me - "Yep, in a nice little contract until end of March thanks"

Pimp - "Oh good, only I was calling about a really great opportunity for you, tell me... how much are you getting paid in your current role?"


Me (Bristles up) - "How about you tell me all about this fantastic opportunity of yours and how much they're paying, then I'll decide how relevant my current pay is"

Pimp - "Hahaha... (fake laugh) give me a ballpark, what are we talking?"

Me - "Really? I thought we were talking about a new job, I don't see why you need to know what I'm on"


She eventually gave me some detail about the role, which was barely related to anything I do, or anything listed on my CV.

[FatLazyContractor]

I almost forgot my best one last year....

Agent: We have an excellent role if you are available at XYZ co. Are you available and would you be interested?

Me: Well, if you check with your colleagues, you will find that I am already contracted there with YOURCO for the next 4 months, would you like to have a word with XYZDUDE and see what he thinks?

Bloody cannibals, the lot ...

[Contractoid]

Well you would know, you only ever post contrived bollocks (or lies if you prefer).

Contractoid covered most of the ones I'd like but I'll throw in one for good measure:-

Pimp -- It's our corporate policy to collect professional references from each of your contract primary contacts for the last 3 years prior to submitting your CV to the client, please provide names, positions, phone, email and client details.

Me -- Well it's my corporate policy to point out that you're on a fishing trip and a blatant liar go Fxxk yourself with a fork, sideways.

Yes one of my favorites too, quite a new addition to the Agency inventory of total codswallop. I do love the responses when you do go the professional route and politely decline but state these things could be made available ONCE A F&^%$*(G OFFER IS ON THE TABLE (phrased slightly differently in reality of course). Oh and of course, if this were a genuine policy, they have also thought through the implications of asking for references from the same people every time you interview with them. Your reference providers won't get in the least bit annoyed will they.

Bunch of plonkers.

[tractor]

....

I almost forgot my best one last year....

Agent: We have an excellent role if you are available at XYZ co. Are you available and would you be interested?

Me: Well, if you check with your colleagues, you will find that I am already contracted there with YOURCO for the next 4 months, would you like to have a word with XYZDUDE and see what he thinks?

[Zero Liability]

The OP hit on the most irritating one. The "who are you?" and "what's this about?"

Well, if I am calling about a contract position...

I do wonder if some of them get paranoid about competitors calling up to inquire re day rates where these aren't disclosed, or perhaps even client names, but I think most of the time it's just thickos who answer the phone, and usually snotty ones, too. I've dealt with some very good, professional agents, but some do give you pause for thought...

[anonymouse]

Agent question "Do you have any experience with Sharepoint 2010"
My reply "No, not until next year when Microsoft release it"

[suityou01]

And then when he called back, you diverted him to voice mail...


Back in 1997 - before some of you were out of school...
Agent: we've not been paid for the contract you did ending in June
Me: oh, that's a shame. I have.
Agent: erm.... it turns out we did the client timesheets signed after all... and now they won't pay us without them
Me:

What the idiot didn't realise was that I was still in that contract, having been extended through his agency. And I'd got the timesheets signed and kept them, just to be on the safe side. Though I let him suffer a little longer before letting him know.

I do not understand a word, sorry. << me

[NotAllThere]

A pimp, calling me on my mobile was arranging to call me back later in the day.

Will you be in, he asked?

Dude, it's a mobile phone.

And then when he called back, you diverted him to voice mail...


Back in 1997 - before some of you were out of school...
Agent: we've not been paid for the contract you did ending in June
Me: oh, that's a shame. I have.
Agent: erm.... it turns out we did the client timesheets signed after all... and now they won't pay us without them
Me:

What the idiot didn't realise was that I was still in that contract, having been extended through his agency. And I'd got the timesheets signed and kept them, just to be on the safe side. Though I let him suffer a little longer before letting him know.

[TykeMerc]

That is the most contrived load of bollocks you have ever posted.

Congrats

Well you would know, you only ever post contrived bollocks (or lies if you prefer).

Contractoid covered most of the ones I'd like but I'll throw in one for good measure:-

Pimp -- It's our corporate policy to collect professional references from each of your contract primary contacts for the last 3 years prior to submitting your CV to the client, please provide names, positions, phone, email and client details.

Me -- Well it's my corporate policy to point out that you're on a fishing trip and a blatant liar go Fxxk yourself with a fork, sideways.

[suityou01]

Will you be in doesn't mean will you be in, rather will you be in "a position" where you can talk to him for the 15 minutes or so he wants....

I agree there was 1 on the call but I really don't think it was the person you think it is...

That is the most contrived load of bollocks you have ever posted.

Congrats

[eek]

A pimp, calling me on my mobile was arranging to call me back later in the day.

Will you be in, he asked?

Dude, it's a mobile phone.

Oh yeah.

This really happened, yesterday morning.

Will you be in doesn't mean will you be in, rather will you be in "a position" where you can talk to him for the 15 minutes or so he wants....

I agree there was 1 on the call but I really don't think it was the person you think it is...

[suityou01]

A pimp, calling me on my mobile was arranging to call me back later in the day.

Will you be in, he asked?

Dude, it's a mobile phone.

Oh yeah.

This really happened, yesterday morning.

[EternalOptimist]

yess, we need 5 years or more of SQL 2013

no problem. I have eight years of that ......