Reply to: Child maintenance

[WTFH]

I don't think this thread is going to go anywhere particularly accounting-ish, so I'm closing it.

[SimonMac]

Anyone heard from MaryPoppins lately?

#JustSaying

[Old Greg]

Thanks for the reply. She wants the money and does not expect me to see the child.

This resulted from a one night stand, I don't know the girl at all and only found recently that she gave birth November last year. Why she has decided to get in contact now isn't a great feeling, although life goes on.

To reply to everyone who has a few things to say to me regarding this matter. I'm looking for constructive advice, I'm not someone who walked out on a family or was with this girl for a period of time, had a child with her and then decided to leave. I've only just found out and expected to pay up. I don't know the lass and had no knowledge of this, had no say in the decision, have 0 rights, yet 100% the responsibility as many of you say. She should have also thought about the responsibility and consequences of raising a child in these circumstances. I'm looking for the most tax efficient way to operate to protect myself, I would rather my money go on something beneficial for the child if proven to be mine rather than her next jagerbomb.

You have less than 100% responsibility and more than zero rights. If you cannot come to an agreement then you may need to go to court to get access rights. If you are worried that the mother may be unsuitable, then consider whether you should apply for custody. Do you fancy being the main carer? If not cut her some slack, consider that this is about the baby's rights and welfare and face your responsibility.

Then consider how you can manage your income in the most tax efficient way rather than in the most CSA efficient way.

All assuming the baby is yours of course.

[northernladuk]

I think this thread is done.

[CoderSaturn]

So you want to pay your kid the absolute minimum you can to the point of committing tax evasion? I think you get away lucky with just sarcasm.

I'd still be contributing the same amount of tax being on the lower rate just less maintenance costs.

[CoderSaturn]

Hang on - you don't know her at all, yet you're assuming she's going to be squandering any money that you give her on nights out with her mates?

Equally likely, she thought she could manage on her own, and is finding it to be a lot harder than she imagined, so has turned to you for help.

Whilst I have some sympathy with your situation, in that last post you come across as a bit of a prick. If the child is yours, then you have been every bit as irresponsible as she has. You're talking about 'judgemental', yet you're happy to question her morals and motives when, by your own admission, you don't know her at all. If you want to be part of the child's life, say so and come to some arrangement to play an active part in its life and upbringing. If you don't then a few hundred quid a month seems a small price to pay to absolve yourself of responsibility.

If I were you, I'd think about what you want - do you want to be part of the child's life or do you want to have as little to do with it as possible? Then talk to her and come to some arrangement that is reasonable and fair and gives you what you want. Given that she doesn't know what you earn, she would probably be delighted with a lot less than you would have to pay if it goes through CSA.

Thanks for the reply. Fair comment, wrong to assume but I can only speculate why she's suddenly came into contact. I've read posts on dads.info of fathers paying hundreds on child maintenance and being leached by the system to only find that the mother has bought a new car, new clothes for herself, other side of the argument on mumsnet slating fathers for paying so little, dragging the family through hell, yet again on the other side the father wanting to spend time with his children however being prevented by the mother. All sorts of situations to consider, your advice is constructive so thanks.

[CoderSaturn]

You had complete control over whether you wore a condom or not.

Not really, I was drunk and didn't have one so there was no control, still no excuse but this works both ways. In certain situations contraception can also fail and you could also argue she should have took the morning after pill.

I wasn't part of the decision in any of this, if I wanted the child and she didn't it would have been terminated without my consent. If she decides to not carry on being a single mum, she can give the child up for adoption and release her parenting rights because she can't cope or wants to change her decision on being a motherr. Unfortunately I can't and have no say in the matter but all the responsibility.

[mudskipper]

Thanks for the reply. She wants the money and does not expect me to see the child.

This resulted from a one night stand, I don't know the girl at all and only found recently that she gave birth November last year. Why she has decided to get in contact now isn't a great feeling, although life goes on.

To reply to everyone who has a few things to say to me regarding this matter. I'm looking for constructive advice, I'm not someone who walked out on a family or was with this girl for a period of time, had a child with her and then decided to leave. I've only just found out and expected to pay up. I don't know the lass and had no knowledge of this, had no say in the decision, have 0 rights, yet 100% the responsibility as many of you say. She should have also thought about the responsibility and consequences of raising a child in these circumstances. I'm looking for the most tax efficient way to operate to protect myself, I would rather my money go on something beneficial for the child if proven to be mine rather than her next jagerbomb.

Hang on - you don't know her at all, yet you're assuming she's going to be squandering any money that you give her on nights out with her mates?

Equally likely, she thought she could manage on her own, and is finding it to be a lot harder than she imagined, so has turned to you for help.

Whilst I have some sympathy with your situation, in that last post you come across as a bit of a prick. If the child is yours, then you have been every bit as irresponsible as she has. You're talking about 'judgemental', yet you're happy to question her morals and motives when, by your own admission, you don't know her at all. If you want to be part of the child's life, say so and come to some arrangement to play an active part in its life and upbringing. If you don't then a few hundred quid a month seems a small price to pay to absolve yourself of responsibility.

If I were you, I'd think about what you want - do you want to be part of the child's life or do you want to have as little to do with it as possible? Then talk to her and come to some arrangement that is reasonable and fair and gives you what you want. Given that she doesn't know what you earn, she would probably be delighted with a lot less than you would have to pay if it goes through CSA.

[ladymuck]

Thanks for the reply. She wants the money and does not expect me to see the child.

This resulted from a one night stand, I don't know the girl at all and only found recently that she gave birth November last year. Why she has decided to get in contact now isn't a great feeling, although life goes on.

To reply to everyone who has a few things to say to me regarding this matter. I'm looking for constructive advice, I'm not someone who walked out on a family or was with this girl for a period of time, had a child with her and then decided to leave. I've only just found out and expected to pay up. I don't know the lass and had no knowledge of this, had no say in the decision, have 0 rights, yet 100% the responsibility as many of you say. She should have also thought about the responsibility and consequences of raising a child in these circumstances. I'm looking for the most tax efficient way to operate to protect myself, I would rather my money go on something beneficial for the child if proven to be mine rather than her next jagerbomb.

You had complete control over whether you wore a condom or not.

[CoderSaturn]

Have you asked what she wants? Maybe she just wants her child to have a father. And maybe you should consider financially supporting the consequences of your actions.
If this goes down the CSA route your child will know nothing but hate between its parents.

Thanks for the reply. She wants the money and does not expect me to see the child.

This resulted from a one night stand, I don't know the girl at all and only found recently that she gave birth November last year. Why she has decided to get in contact now isn't a great feeling, although life goes on.

To reply to everyone who has a few things to say to me regarding this matter. I'm looking for constructive advice, I'm not someone who walked out on a family or was with this girl for a period of time, had a child with her and then decided to leave. I've only just found out and expected to pay up. I don't know the lass and had no knowledge of this, had no say in the decision, have 0 rights, yet 100% the responsibility as many of you say. She should have also thought about the responsibility and consequences of raising a child in these circumstances. I'm looking for the most tax efficient way to operate to protect myself, I would rather my money go on something beneficial for the child if proven to be mine rather than her next jagerbomb.

[northernladuk]

I for one am fed up of seeing these posts and each one should get a short sharp **** off.

To the OP - have a DNA test if you're unsure but meet your obligations. If it's your child stop being such a dick and support it. I grew up in a family where my dad paid £100 a month for 4 of us including my mum. She worked 3 jobs to keep us fed and clothed. My step daughter's dad had his own driving school and paid £5 a week maintenance. and 5 PENCE a week off the £8k the CSA decided he owes. She thought the sun shone out of his arse when she was growing up and when she was 16 she found out and now she ******* hates him.

So as others have said already meet your responsibilities if you have them.

At least the OP won't moan about the hint of sarcasm in that post

On the topic of responsibility, looking at the threads he's started it's maybe not his strong point.

[Old Greg]

I for one am fed up of seeing these posts and each one should get a short sharp **** off.

To the OP - have a DNA test if you're unsure but meet your obligations. If it's your child stop being such a dick and support it. I grew up in a family where my dad paid £100 a month for 4 of us including my mum. She worked 3 jobs to keep us fed and clothed. My step daughter's dad had his own driving school and paid £5 a week maintenance. and 5 PENCE a week off the £8k the CSA decided he owes. She thought the sun shone out of his arse when she was growing up and when she was 16 she found out and now she ******* hates him.

So as others have said already meet your responsibilities if you have them.

And babies are cute.

[radish2008]

I for one am fed up of seeing these posts and each one should get a short sharp **** off.

To the OP - have a DNA test if you're unsure but meet your obligations. If it's your child stop being such a dick and support it. I grew up in a family where my dad paid £100 a month for 4 of us including my mum. She worked 3 jobs to keep us fed and clothed. My step daughter's dad had his own driving school and paid £5 a week maintenance. and 5 PENCE a week off the £8k the CSA decided he owes. She thought the sun shone out of his arse when she was growing up and when she was 16 she found out and now she ******* hates him.

So as others have said already meet your responsibilities if you have them.

[northernladuk]

Every post you've commented on of mine has had some type of hint of sarcasm.

Just to clear a minor point up for the OP.

[Old Greg]

Not judgemental, but she can’t have been that random if she has your contact details and had intercourse with you.

Are you saying you haven’t spoken to her in over a year?
Apart from the one liner about her saying the baby is yours, what else did she say that has led you to your first and only concern being your finances?

I wonder if the OP has pre-existing family commitments.