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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and
a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men think, "I know what I'm doing. Just show me
somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfield
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
Sharon Stone
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess'on it.
I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks
or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no
matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning
to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
Elizabeth Taylor
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to
find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Rod Stewart
"On the one hand, we'll never experience
childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame
everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people
don't blame everything on Satan.'"
George Burns
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: Either you have diarrhoea, or you're eager to
meet people who do."
Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's
reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung
by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
Dan Rather (News anchorman)
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can
fake that, you're in.
Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a
sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men
dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what
an attractive scrotum!'"
Patricia Arquette
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a
son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
Women complain about pre-menstrual syndrome, but I
think of it as the only time of the month that I can
be myself.
Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of
other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of
course, men are just grateful.
Robert De Niro
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many
men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They
say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?
Dustin Hoffman
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